The Bachelorette Kaitlyn | Fantasy Hometown Combo Dates Recap Week 9

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Fantasy Suite dates and “hometowns” all in one! I say hometowns hesitantly because technically they weren’t in anyone’s hometown. It was some hotel in Utah where they were all holed up, and where I was desperately waiting for one giant family to go track down the other giant family’s hotel room and have a Shawn B. and Nick V. Family Feud-style showdown, but where they both sit in a death stare face-off on opposing couches.

Who got sent home: Ben H., the software salesman from Denver, CO, proving my theory that all hot men originate from Colorado (sans JJ).

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Fantasy Suite Dates

Ben H.

Kaitlyn took him horseback riding and then they went to feed goats or sheep or something. They both had on very comfy, cozy sweaters and that’s exactly how their date felt – comfy, cozy friends. They talked about their ages and the future. Ben H. is 26. Kaitlyn is turning 30. And that’s about all that came of that.

Shawn B.

I love these love analogies. Every season we get to hear how love is like an airplane or a bull fighting ring or deep and wide like the ocean. THIS season Shawn B. opened our eyes to how love is like golf: “It’s something you can do when you’re old and gray.” Yes, yes it is something you can do when you’re old and gray… Anyway, if you hadn’t picked up on that yet, Shawn B. and Kaitlyn went golfing. They were all kinds of flirtatious. They got into a bet where Shawn B. had to sink a putt completely naked, earning him his first black box on national television. Kaitlyn stole his clothes while he was golfing and this is where that magical, crafty editing skills of the ABC producers come in. Shawn B. ran after her and that was the scene they used to cut and overlay with Kaitlyn’s passionate gasps when she was with Nick.

After Shawn B.’s overnight, off-camera date, Nick was creepily waiting outside of the hotel room to have it out with Shawn. And by have it out I mean have another conversation inside their hotel room, where they just reaffirm their hatred for one another. It was futile and pointless and great nonetheless.

Talks with Chris Harrison

Chris Harrison finally got to do some hosting. He sat down in plush chairs by the roaring fire to talk out Kaitlyn’s relationships with each of the men. Kaitlyn revealed that Ben H. calms her, Nick brings out a serious and thoughtful side to her, and Shawn has both.

A Rare Rose Ceremony

Kaitlyn had a physical reaction to having to put the men through a rose ceremony and had to step out of the room for a moment to collect herself. I thought it was due to the plunging neck line of that red dress. “My heart is beating out of my chest right now.” Too easy, Kaitlyn, too easy. I have no idea what she said to the men during the rose ceremony because I was too distracted waiting for the nip slip to happen. In any case, Ben H. was sent home.

Hometowns

Kaitlyn met both Shawn B.’s family and Nick V.’s family. In case you weren’t aware from Andi’s season, Nick V. has a giant family. He is one of 10 siblings, the youngest of which is Bella, who asks the tough questions: Are you in love with my brother. Another fun fact, is that Nick is from Wisconsin, even though he now resides in Chicago. He also ran track back in the day. Other fun facts can be found here: 7 Things to Know About Waukesha Bachelorette Contestant Nick Viall. Nick’s mother was about to have a meltdown at the possibility of Nick getting is heartbroken for a second time via The Bachelor franchise. The rest of the siblings seemed cool with it.

Shawn B.’s family was great too. Shawn is the youngest of two sisters and no one in the family resembles any other family member. Some of them could possibly be related to Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn had a great time getting to know them and therein lies the problem. She was hoping that one of the family meet-and-greets would completely bomb so she could be like, yes, that one. That should be my future husband. Well good luck with that because that has yet to reveal itself to her.

Tweets of the Night:


  

Next week it is Men Tell All! And then the episode we’ve all been waiting for…who she chooses and if they’re still together After the Final Rose! Plus, Nick and Shawn B. get to meet the ‘rents.

Who are you most excited to see on The Men Tell All?

Who are you most excited to see on Bachelor in Paradise?

For the full cast list for Bachelor in Paradise, visit ABC.com. The season premiere is a two-night event on Sunday, August 2 at 8|7c and Monday, August 3 at 8|7c.

The Bachelorette Kaitlyn | Week 8 Quick Recap

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The group traveled to Killarney, Ireland this week, a small western Irish town. Shawn B. has selective amnesia and has conveniently forgotten Nick’s name, and Joe went out in grumpy fashion.

Who got kicked off: The last of the J names, Jared and Joe, are on their way home. Jared was let go at a rare rose ceremony, and Joe was dropped on a very awkward group date after professing his love for her.

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One-on-One:

Ben H. had the one-on-one. They went on a row boat. Kaitlyn told him all of her stresses, and Ben calmed her. Kaitlyn suspected he was a virgin because he’s so nice. For the record those things are related. If you’re nice you’re obviously a virgin. (Please sense the sarcasm.) And the spotlight on Kaitlyn’s love life remained.

Ben H. told Kaitlyn he thought he was “unloveable,” because he was so heartbroken over his last long-term relationship. The Twitter world blew up with professions of “I’ll love you, Ben!” and “That’s crazy talk!” Safe to say, Ben H. is a strong contender for next season’s Bachelor hunk.

Group Date:

Joe told Kaitlyn he loved her. And Kaitlyn was like oh man we gotta nip this in the bud right here. Just as Joe confessed his love for her, telling her he was in love with her, Kaitlyn told him they are not on the same page. Then things got awkward. Joe shut down and understandably got upset. Soooo he went home.

Next on this group date of uncomfortable emotions, Kaitlyn sent Nick back to the hotel while she had some one-on-one time with Shawn to drop a huge bomb on him that she slept with Nick. Shawn took it as best he could. He had to walk away for a bit, but came back and told her he still wanted to stick around.

The Face-Off:

Shawn B. sought out Nick’s hotel room. All that was accomplished of that was that he confronted Nick with what Nick already knew: Shawn doesn’t like him. Fun fact: Shawn B. kept calling him “The Other Guy” throughout the entire show with his interviews with producers. Great because there are still like four other guys on the show, and it’s not as though his name is Lord Voldemort.

Fantasy Suite Dates

Fantasy Suite dates have started. Nick got the first Fantasy Suite because we already know they’ve done that. Also, we got to see the morning after in the hotel room, which I can’t ever remember The Bachelor showing. Another first! I think Nick’s sole purpose on both Andi’s season and Kaitlyn’s season is to expose the back scene secrets of The Bachelor and what really goes on off camera. Not like we already didn’t know that.

Tweets of the night:

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Better Recaps:

I am a major fan of Possessionista. Her primary purpose is to identify all of the most-loved styles of the show, but her sharp-witted observations will give you a chuckle.

Kaitlyn Bristowe’s Bachelorette Blog on PEOPLE.com is a fun read. She talks about compartmentalizing the relationships, ALL of the emotions, and sex with Nick Viall.

According to Chris Harrison’s blogwe’re about to get the top blown off of this pressure cooker. Next week! Shawn B. and Nick are gonna have it out and Kaitlyn is going on the rest of her Fantasy Suite dates.

 

The Bachelorette Kaitlyn | Week 7 Recap

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Dublin, Ireland is where we left off last time. All of the emotions and tears are happening, Benzi was sent home sooner than expected, and Chris Harrison is back to his old tricks of forgetting all of the rules. (The twist is so good!)

Who got kicked off: The ones with red X’s were sent packing. JJ left on a two-on-one where he was beat out by Joe. Beautiful Benzi and Tanner were sent home at a rare rose ceremony. (Didn’t know we were still having those.) And Chris was sent home brutally on a one-on-one that didn’t even have a rose on it! (Ahh, there we go, that’s more like it. Rose ceremony, shmoze ceremony.)

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Two-On-One: JJ vs Joe

Single dad and the second half of the bachelor bromance JJ goes home to his daughter.

Joe and Kaitlyn sail away into the sunset.

Yep, that’s about it. All of the airtime was dedicated to Shawn B. 

Personal trainer Shawn B. is having some struggles. If you’ll recall, he fell hard and fast on like week 3 and since then has been having a rough time seeing Kaitlyn build relationships with other men. I swear people forget what show they’re going on. It’s not called You Only Get One. It’s called The Bachelorette and those other people you’re living with? Guess what? They’re also dating the same person. Surprise! Shawn B. went to see Kaitlyn. Kaitlyn, tears everywhere, thought he was going to tell her good-bye. But he stuck around. He was seeking confirmation and validation in her feelings for him, which we’ll find out later she seems to think bites her in the booty.

A Rose Ceremony

Benzi and Tanner were sent home. Still no one remembers who Tanner was as evidenced by the fact that he didn’t even get an exit interview. Meanwhile, I’m working on my wedding proposal to Benzi.

Kaitlyn is also riding shotgun on the struggle bus. She is worried the guys will find out about her and Nick. She is worried the reassurance with Shawn B. is going to affect her relationship with the other guys. She is worried she is going to be eaten by birds. There are lots of worries happening in poor Kaitlyn’s mind and the stress of dating 25 very attractive men is obviously getting to her.

Kaitlyn confessed to one part host, one part therapist Chris Harrison, “I do think things went too far with Nick. I feel bad that I have these relationships with these other guys that mean so much to me.”

So many tears. All of the emotions. The Bachelorette Show: 20 Kaitlyn: 0

What helped to start the waterworks was Ben H. bringing up some concern to Kaitlyn. Ben H. was like it upsets me to see you give validation to other guys to see you have connections with other guys. Then don’t go on The Bachelorette.

The show finally got to Kaitlyn. She got nervous when Ben H. brought up the fact that there was a visible change in Shawn B.’s demeanor after she gave him the validation he keeps asking for. Kaitlyn said, “I know I gave Shawn that reassurance…” But I’m gonna take it back now.

Kaitlyn went to Shawn and put him back on the verge of tears, telling him, “Let’s take a step back.” Yes, yes, let’s do that, because we only have a few weeks left. Excellent sense.

It got more drama-filled, but the overall takeaway is Kaitlyn is finally feeling teh affects of juggling more than one relationship. “I made mistakes. You can’t control everyone else’s feelings. I hurt people including myself.” Girl, don’t be so hard on yourself. 

The Twist

It’s Chris Harrison, author of The Perfect Letter to the rescue! Who needs rose ceremonies? Who needs fantasy suite dates? Who needs rules? Let’s make our own show. In all honesty I kind of like the new twist. And if physical chemistry is as important to Kaitlyn as she says it is, then she should love this change up.

Here is what Chris Harrison proposed:

He wants to “even the playing field” and  give off-camera time to the rest of the guys like Nick had. This means they want to skip straight to the good stuff. Instead of Hometown dates followed by Fantasy Suite dates, they are switching it around. Next week, 3 will go home leaving 3 guys for the Fantasy Suite dates. Then from there, there will only be 2 hometown dates.

After that was announced to the guys, each guy got a one-on-one date with no rose on it. But that didn’t mean they were staying.

One-On-One: Chris Cupcake Dentist man was left stranded on the cliffs. There was one moment all of America jumped out of their seats reaching at the television shouting, “Don’t jump! Don’t do it! It’s not worth it!” The crew was filming awfully close to the edge and at one point Chris crumpled to the ground sobbing with a crew member uncomfortably jumping to aid trying to assess the situation.

Quote of the Night: “She deserves a lifetime of happiness and I’m not sure she’s ready to find that yet. Just looking at her, she’s a mess.” Listen, Chris. If I had to choose only one man between 25 incredibly attractive men, I would be a mess too. Let’s cut her some slack.

Tweets of the Night:

Twitter was great Monday and I almost let it do my recap for me. How can you go wrong, when someone brings back the Kelsey stare. Hat tip to you, Robyn Ross. Hat tip to you.

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How do you feel about the new structure? Fantasy Suite Dates and then only two hometowns?

The Bachelorette Kaitlyn | Week 6 Recap

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We tune in right where we left off. Princeton / Deerfield grad Ian is letting out 5 weeks of frustration on Kaitlyn. Free tip: If you want to be the next Bachelor, don’t say that on camera. They almost always paint you as the fool. No one’s going to choose the haughty personality to be the next Bachelor. They’re going to use you as fodder for the Bachelor limo-ride-home fire. Ian’s departing words: “I need sex.”

Who got kicked off: Ian left in an air of dramatics. No one remembers who Justin was, and Joshua was the one with the bad haircut courtesy of Kaitlyn on last week’s episode.

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Ian was frustrated that he wasn’t having enough intellectual conversations with the guys nor with Kaitlyn. So he let that be known to Kaitlyn, while simultaneously calling her shallow and surface level.

Kaitlyn: “I’ve never had so many people questioning me. This is so overwhelming.”

“I hope it ended on good terms,” some guy watching Ian walk out. You’re stupid.

To the rescue is Nick! Nick V. swooped in to pick up the pieces. He comforted Kaitlyn, and they made out.

A rose ceremony! What is this? A rose ceremony? Well that’s new. And at The Alamo no less. I appreciate the symbolism, ABC. Hat tip to you.

Tanner is the last one called. And no one knows who Tanner is. Joshua is gone. And the crew is off to…

Dublin, Ireland

Kaitlyn has always wanted to go to Ireland, and Shawn B. is all fired up because he has a big Irish family, and all of the men are still wearing hoodies. I swear it’s like a Bachelor uniform or a required section on The Bachelor application form: Must own 10 hoodies. Different colors preferred.

One-on-One: Nick and the hotel room.

It was basically a lot of kissing and grabbing. But if you actually want to know what they did on their date, they walked through a park, did some irish dancing, Nick bought them both rings, they visited a local pub, and went to dinner in a cathedral. Then afterwards they banged. Nick, like everyone thought, was the one she took to her hotel room before fantasy suite dates. 

At least when Nick did the walk of shame home, he didn’t throw Kaitlyn under the bus. He said they “talked” on the couch. Maybe he learned a thing or two from Andi’s season. Or maybe it will come out again on the After The Final Rose episode.

Group Date

Chris Harrison announces to the group that Kaitlyn is dead…for today. The one time you actually get to host and that’s how you introduce it. Pick it up, Chris H. You’re better than that. The date was a weird one, where Kaitlyn laid in a casket and had each of the men celebrate her life with a poem about her and then an Irish jig.

I gained new respect for Tanner this week after his lovely and witty poem to Kaitlyn. Finally I saw his cleverness. he made a quip about no one knowing who he was. Accurate. I give you endless kudos Tanner. Not that I’m still going to remember who you are, but you take those useless kudos.

What did I tell you about the word “honesty?” Honesty is back, and I know you’re probably hanging your head in shame if you didn’t add it to those Bachelor Board Drinking games. Only this time it was super awkward for anyone watching and knowing what she just did with Nick. Jared told Kaitlyn on their one-on-one time, “I know you’re honest with me.” Cringe.

Kaitlyn gave the rose to Jared on the group date, and Shawn B. is on the train to struggle town. Shawn B. shared photos of his giant Irish family, and is not getting the validation from Kaitlyn that he needs.

Kaitlyn and Jared got to go off to their own private concert, while the rest of the guys went back to the hotel room. Chris Cupcake, ever the optimist, told the group of guys, “Maybe it’s not so much her saying ‘no’ to us but her saying ‘yes’ to him.”

Benzi, my favorite kid, responded with, “Yeah, that sucks no matter what.” Amen, Benzi. Tell it like it is.

You’re missing these deep intellectual conversations, Ian! Speaking of intellectual, I think it’s time for…

Tweets of the Night:

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And the cutest tweet of the night goes out to Robyn Ross for this gem.

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Just kidding, cutest tweet goes to USWeekly which tweeted quite possibly the most adorable photo of JP Rosenbaum and baby Fordham Rhys Rosenbaum. Team Original Cupcake you kill me with cuteness. For all you peeps uncertain, Ashley and JP claimed stakes on the beloved cupcake moniker long before Dentist Chris Cupcake rolled onto the scene. (Which now that I think about it, Ashley was also a dentist. Is this some sort of ironic inside dentist joke, the common folk like me are just not privy to?) And that right there is there is their adorable offspring of one Bachelor success story who will never have a cavity in his life.

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Two on one: JJ and Joe go at it next time because we obviously didn’t have time for two rose ceremonies in one episode. Now that would just be crazy. Instead, we ended with Shawn B. headed into Kaitlyn’s hotel room after the date, and not for the same reasons Nick visited. Shawn B. is not happy and next week we find out why not.

Meanwhile, no one gives a you know what about Britt and Brady. Brady meets Britt’s mom supposedly for the first time and her mom says Britt’s made a nice friend. Yeah. It’s true. I still don’t care.

The Bachelorette Kaitlyn | Week 5 Recap

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Yeehaw! We’re in San Antonio, Texas for Mariachia outfits, drama, and a Princeton grad meltdown. Honesty is the key word tonight. That was a big theme this episode, and one you should definitely add to those Bachelor Board Drinking Games.

Who got kicked off: Finally, a rose ceremony! Three men were sent home. Don’t worry, it’s no one you know or would be able to remember from the herd of hunky men. The one’s with red X’s were sent on their way.

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One-On-One: Sperm man Ben H. gets the first one-on-one and opens up to Kaitlyn about his last relationship. They entered a quick step competition with some legitimate honky tonk champions. Surprisingly, they made it past the first round.

Group Date: Mariachi Band

This may have been the most painful group date yet. And you thought wearing man diapers was bad. This is what we have come to find this season: If you’re going on a group date with Kaitlyn, you are not going to look good, as evidenced by this band of Mariachi men. The men (hats and all) serenaded Kaitlyn. I use the term “serenaded” loosely. Although, Kaitlyn’s rendition might have been the worst of the bunch. Nick asked to perform his serenade from the balcony to the displeasure of all of the other bachelors.

Nick V. got the rose in a defiant act by Kaitlyn to show the men she means business, which might partially be due to Joshua’s talk with her.

Joshua’s Fall and Awkward Circle Time

Joshua fell pretty fast from Kaitlyn’s good graces. He tried to call out Nick. Kaitlyn got all defensive and accused people of lying to her face. She threw out the word honest a lot and that was the time to start taking shots for every time that word was uttered. Then. THEN she gathered all of the men for awkward circle time. It was the best. This was not your average dorm room RA conflict intervention of let’s use “I feel this when you do this” phrases. This was let’s throw you under the bus circle time. Kaitlyn called out Joshua to the guys and then tried to pinpoint anyone who questioned her motives.

The best part was Joshua had to sit through this with an awful, helter-skelter haircut Kaitlyn had given him just minutes before. Ironically, it was his way of showing her he trusted her.

One-On-One: Personal trainer Shawn B. kayaked through the city of San Antonio with Kaitlyn and showed what a standup guy he was by letting Kaitlyn know Joshua’s outburst came from a good place. He also told her about a car crash he survived, where his car rolled 6 times and police said they’ve never seen anyone survive that. He credited it to snapping his seatbelt on minutes before the crash occurred.

The L Word!

Red alert! This might be the earliest someone has said they’re falling for someone. Shawn B. was the first one to say to Kaitlyn he was falling in love with her. Jared did say he was falling in love with her, but that was to the producers. Doesn’t count. What’s even better is Kaitlyn said, “I feel the same way.” What! You can’t do that! Screw contracts and terms of non-disclosure. Screw rose ceremonies. I do what I want.

Ian’s Meltdown

Princeton grad, track athlete, model, man of lots of ex-girlfriends. Did I miss anything? I’m sure he’ll let us know next episode. Ian had a little tantrum because he wasn’t number one in Kaitlyn’s pool of men. He noticed she wasn’t giving him as much attention and he wanted to go out in a blazing ball of glory. He pulled Kaitlyn aside at the cocktail party and just shouldered into it. Gists of his tirades:

“She’s not half as hot as my ex-girlfriend.”

“You’re surface level and I’m starting to wonder if there’s anything below the surface.”

“I came here to meet the girl whose heart was crushed by Chris Soules, not the girl who wanted to plow his field.”

“I think you just want to be here to make-out with a bunch of guys.”

Spoiler Alert

For all you cheaters out there, there’s an ultimate spoiler awash in Bachelor world. Kaitlyn snapchatted a photo of her in bed with the supposed winner of the show. Thank you, screenshots, because now that is forever floating around the interwebs. There’s speculation a producer leaked it to throw people off the scent, but I really don’t think that’s likely. I don’t want to know (and I’m afraid of what I’ll find should I Google Bachelor Snapchat) so I’m not including a link, but for you spoilers, Google away!

Who do you think makes it to the Fantasy Suite BEFORE the Fantasy Suite dates? And is that the person she ends up with? I’m genuinely curious. We’ll find out next week who the mystery man is and what else Ian has to say to Kaitlyn before strutting out the door. Don’t forget. Honest. Add it. It’s definitely coming back next episode and throughout the season. Until next week, Bachelor Fans!

The Bachelorette Kaitlyn | Week 4 Recap

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Cameos of Bachelor rejects galore, still no rose ceremony (because who needs those?), and Nick V. is BACK. Kaitlyn and the bachelors packed their bags and headed to the very anti-climatic location of New York this week!

Who got kicked off: Clint is out the door. And just like that, the bromance of JJ and Clint ended.

Bachelor-Board_Kaitlynweek4Group Date: Rapping

I missed most of this group date, but I’m sure the lyrics were cheesy and the good name of swagger was wiped through the dirt. It was the after party that was most important. Ashley Princess Jasmine from Kaitlyn’s season of The Bachelor was in the audience and when Kaitlyn went to say hello, there was also a surprise dude there. Nick V.! Nick as we’ll remember from just the last season of The Bachelorette (Andi’s season) called Andi out on After the Final Rose for sleeping with him, or rather “put her on blast” if we were to steal from my beautiful bachelor contestants words. The men seemed none too pleased to have that be the particular bachelor stealing Kaitlyn’s affection and coming into the house (or more accurately hotel room). I’m considerably questioning Kaitlyn’s taste in men. Let’s just take Benzi and call the whole thing off.

Nick V. told her he wanted to try to date her. Apparently they had talked a handful of times over text messaging. As Kaitlyn was wrestling with the decision to keep Nick V. around or not, he layed a kiss on her, y’know just in case she needed help making her decision.

At the after party, which took place on a boat, Kaitlyn told the men that remain that she was thinking about bringing on Nick V. to gauge their reaction. What do you think it’s going to be? Dude, no one’s going to like that, unless you’re weirdly understanding like Jared (you’ll see below). “I still don’t really know what I’m doing,” she prefaced before giving the rose to Justin. Justin was less than enthused. Ryan Gosling Look-A-Like had the best reaction to the news after downing his glass of beer.

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The Return of Nick V. AND ASHLEY S.!

Peace and order have been restored and all is right with the world. Ashley S. is back in action, styling Kaitlyn’s hair no less. I’ve missed that girl. A woman of many talents – zombie hunting, pomegranate picking…and even love advice. She let Kaitlyn know that that was lust she was feeling for Nick V., not love, so she better be aware of it. Kaitlyn was like yeah okay, and then made out with Nick V. in a park after she told him she was going to keep him. She said she would regret not exploring that relationship. I get it. There was chemistry. Whatever. Just please, Nick, if you’re going to be on this season, get a new cardigan. We all have to watch you.

One-on-One: The Met

Jared for some unknown reason got the one-on-one date. I could not figure out how he had made it this far, especially with his “Love Man” superpowers intro video at the beginning of the season. Then he gave a very sweet, reassuring speech to Kaitlyn that it was alright that she kept Nick around. Kaitlyn had been worrying about the bachelors’ reactions for her decision to keep Nick. Jared, love powers that he owns, told her it was her journey and if that was what she needed to be absolutely sure, then she should do it.

Then they flew away on a helicopter and Jared said he could see himself marrying her and that’s the night he fell in love. (I’m still questioning the editing on that one if that was in fact the moment or if they took creative liberties to slice and dice. Doesn’t matter! I’m on board that helicopter ride. Let’s do this!) 

But really, could you see yourself marrying her? she just brought another dude back on the show. Like that day. Before you went on your date. You’re love man. I get it, but that can’t be good for your odds.

The Group Date That Wasn’t: Broadway Show

Kaitlyn planned a group date for them to perform on a Broadway stage. Her favorite show was Aladdin. As one of the men put it, “Kaitlyn likes to plan dates that we’re not good at.” After a long and painful date of the men singing and dancing, they found out that they were all going to be sent back to the hotel sans one lucky dude who would get to spend one-on-one time with Kaitlyn, actually starring in that performance that night. And by starring, I mean showing up on stage for as little as is humanly possible or bounded by their contract with the play’s producers.

Chris Cupcake Dentist man scored alone time with Kaitlyn after winning the Broadway auditions. But not before completely annihilating any chance he had of making it as a Broadway actor. The panel of Broadway producers were hilariously debating whether Chris’ audition for a part in the show was authentic or not. It was really comical to see them go back and forth on deducing whether he was making fun of the production, reeeeally trying, or just plain terrible. Turns out it was the latter, but he won for all of his A+ Dentistry effort.

The play’s director: “I don’t think he’s making fun of it. I think he just has no idea what he’s doing.”

Daaayum, Chris Cupcake has a bod. Remind me to switch dentists.

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Chris and Kaitlyn got to star in a Broadway show for a hot second. And had someone escorting them on, off, and around the stage. The play’s director was probably like keep a strong eye on that one; we don’t want any audition repeats.

Again no more rose ceremonies. Kaitlyn chose to forego the rose ceremony at the beginning of the show after Clint’s departure. This was much to the guys’ dismay that she would not be eliminating JJ that night. Kaitlyn is not making popular choices with the men this season. It’s not Take Your Time season. that defeats the entire purpose of the show. 6 weeks to meet, date, fall in love, and get married. Get on board, Kaitlyn! I know we’re on this new “there are no rules” kick thanks to Chris Harrison last season, but let’s pull ourselves together.

No rose ceremony but we did see Nick V. preparing to enter into the hotel room with the other guys.

And for all you haters, Britt and Brady are still together. And it looks like we’ll get to have an update on their relationship every. single. episode. Really looking forward to that, said no one ever. At the end of the show Britt said, “I wouldn’t be dating him if I didn’t think I could be marrying him.” Orrr getting more airtime. Ryan Gosling Look-A-Like knows what’s up.
Screenshot 2015-06-08 21.02.16 Tweets of the night:

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Next week, maybe we’ll get a rose ceremony. Maybe we’ll get another helicopter ride. Maybe we’ll get to see a whole lot more of Ashley S. and return to the Mesa Verde. One can hope. What we do know is Nick V. is entering the hotel room and joining this season of The Bachelorette.

 

The Bachelorette Kaitlyn | Week 3 Recap

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Just so we’re all on the same page: Tony the Healer wants to imitate animals or go skydiving. Y’know, non-violent things. Ben H. compared himself to a sperm. And Clint has a man crush on JJ. Kaitlyn’s brigade of knights in shining armor are slowly diminishing and not because she’s eliminating them at rose ceremonies.

Who got kicked off: Finishing the rose ceremony from last week, two tall glasses of water left ahead of Tony. Tony. The Healer with the black eye, just so we’re clear. As we’ll remember Kupah was kicked off before the rose ceremony last week and left in a haze of exasperation. Southern gents Cory and Daniel were let go Monday. BEFORE the Healer! OK. I’m done now.

Bachelor-Board_Kaitlynweek3

Group Date: Sumo Wrestling

Nothing like men in thong diapers to really get you going. Kaitlyn just wants to see her men face off and naked just all of the time. Joe struggled a little with keeping his junk in the trunk, or in this case, his man diaper. He just allowed his one ball to remain free and open for the whole world to see. Kaitlyn even donned a spandex diaper ensemble and went swinging around the professional sumo wrestler.

Tony was all kinds of not zenned out when they had to sumo wrestle a couple very large Japanese men. At first he was like, check out this balance. I’m going to CRUSH THEM! And then he was like I’m so sensitive and don’t believe in this fighting. Why can’t we pick dates like going to the zoo and imitate animals or skydiving. I’m with Tony here, why can’t we go to the zoo and imitate animal noises? I grew up near the San Diego Zoo. Great spot. Now, which zoo are we talking here? I’ve been to some crappy zoo’s, Tony. They all pale in comparison to San Diego Zoo.

Tony said (a couple times, in fact, just reiterate), “I see the world through the eyes of a child. I have the heart of a warrior and the soul of a gypsy.” Namaste, Tony.

Soon thereafter, Tony packed his things and put on his desert-patterned parka and walked out. Before quitting, Tony stated, “I’m not a quitter. I’m walking away on my own terms.” Yeah definitely different. Again, with the epically great quotes tonight, Tony. Hats off to you, sir.

The second best quote goes to Chris Cupcake Dentist commenting on the bachelors’ attempts at wrestling the sumo wrestlers:

“I think they would have had better luck hitting a brick wall. They grabbed them by the diaper and bitch-slapped them to the ground.”

I think Kaitlyn has already chosen personal trainer and Ryan Gosling look-a-like Shawn B as the winner. She wears her heart on her sleeve and also her drool. You could see her fawning over him on their one-on-one, love in her eyes. Shawn B. received the rose on the group date.

One-on-One: Ben Z. Benzi as he shall now be named, got the one-on-one date with Kaitlyn and a hot tub date to boot, but not before powering through an Escape the Room, but torture-style, date. Kaitlyn let Chris Harrison choose her date for her. And Chris Harrison was like [evil laugh] see if you ever want to let me choose another date again. That’s not in my job description. I have a book to promote. Coming to a Santa Monica store near you.

Ben Z. a hulking man of a man led her through the room, holding her hand the entire way. “I want to protect her,” Ben Z. said. “And I’m like I might have to punch that guy in the face,” he said in reference to the zombie actor in the room.

“Kaitlyn has a death grip on my hand. My hand is going numb.” Kaitlyn has a fear of birds, which as @aliciaSPN and many other Twitter peeps so aptly pointed out, she has bird tattoos on her arms.

My favorite tweets of the night came from @thebachelorinterns, who as they so aptly pointed out, had to gather the snakes and scorpions and the like for that date.

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Ah yes, the lesser known Snakes on a Toilet by ABC’s The Bachelorette. Benzi had to dive his hand into a toilet bowl of snakes and weird stuff that looked like puke.

The final clue told the couple to “kiss,” not “kill,” which was originally thought to be the ending to that clue. After the death-defying Escape room date, Benzi and Kaitlyn hot-tubbed it up and Benzi opened up about his mom.

Sweet quote by Benzi: “You never know if this is the first date with the person you could spend the rest of your life with.”

Group Date: Sex Education

Each of the men on this date received a topic related to sex education that they then had to teach to a group of kids. What they didn’t know was that these kids were student actors and planted there to ask uncomfortable and inappropriate questions. It was fantastic.

Ben H. Software Salesman took the cake. His topic was reproduction. he started with a story and compared himself to a sperm beating out all of the other sperm to get to an egg, which in this little scenario is Kaitlym. Also, apparently he volunteers at his friend’s nonprofit orphanage in Honduras to teach children. SO there’s that. At the after party Ben H. took her up to the top of the roof and dipped her over the edge. He got the rose.

Twitter: @Kellytravisty – Where’s the amateur sex coach when you need him? #TheBachelorette

Bromance of JJ and Clint

Clint’s game plan on the group date was to have Kaitlyn pull him aside. Wait a second here, are you the bachelorette, Clint? Because I am confused. We LATER find out the reason Clint’s being standoffish is because he has a man crush on JJ! We’ve been waiting for this moment to happen and here it is: Season 11 of The Bachelorette. At the cocktail party, Clint realizes his error and that he needs Kaitlyn to stay in the house so he can continue his bromance. So tries to play her at the cocktail party. But it appears Kaitlyn got wind of this developing bromance from all of the other guys in the house and is going to put an end to that. Kaitlyn is not about those rose ceremonies. One wrong step and you are stepping out the door.

Next week, we find out the details behind the bromance and who is headed home.

The Bachelorette Kaitlyn | Week 2 | Quick Recap

Don’t update those Bachelor Boards just yet, Bachelor Fans! Another cliff hanger. Another night without a rose ceremony.

Who got kicked off: The ones in black X’s were sent home last week Tuesday. The one with a red X was sent home tonight before the rose ceremony. Boston native Kupah was sent home during the cocktail party after he got in a heated debate with Kaitlyn about if there were feelings there or not. Then Kupah got in a passionate argument with producers on his exit interviews, causing Kaitlyn to overhear and get all fired up. The scene ended with her headed outside to ameliorate the situation. I know of Kupah from a friend and they say he’s a great guy, which I’m inclined to believe – volunteers with kids, DJs. We’ll see next week how it all plays out and who is eliminated during the rose ceremony.Bachelor-Board_Kaitlynweek2

Actually that’s a lie. The show ended with Brit and Brady. Brady asked her to be his “girl,” after dating for a week. Brit said they spent every day that week together. Is it because you’re both trapped in the same city with nowhere to go because you had anticipated filming for another 5 weeks? No, no definitely love. Or that Brady was the only one that came after her. Eh, either way congrats to the happy couple. May you ride out this rebound as long as you both can muster. It reminds me of the Elise and Chris Bukowski situation from The Bachelor in Paradise, a life of convenience. To love!

Group Date: Boxing with Laila Ali

Ben Z. received the rose.

One-on-One: Underwater Photography

Clint received a rose.

Group Date: Stand-Up Comedy with Amy Schumer

Divorced Dad with a 3-year-old JJ received the rose.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Bachelorette Season 11 | Season Premiere [ Part 1]

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It’s Season 11 of The Bachelorette!!

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Photo Credit: US Weekly

 

No, we still don’t know who will be the bachelorette. But we do know the guys got to go into a super secret voting room and place their rose in a pristinely carved rose-shaped hole in one of two boxes, depending on which lady they chose. We will find out tomorrow, Tuesday, May 20th at 8|7c who that lucky lady is.

Who Got Kicked Off: Yes, already we have our first reject of the season. thank you to Ryan M. for having one, two, ten too many to drink and turning into a fight-provoking, belligerent drunk. Chris Harrison called him outside and sent him home whenceforth he came. Rumor has it he is the ex bf of Nikki from Juan Pablo’s season.

To start the show we were introduced to a whole batch of attractive men.

Single dads are Justin and Jonathan.

Two Ryan’s, two Shawn’s, two Ben’s, two Cory’s. There can only be one! I’m convinced ABC is just trying to confuse us all. Or just split the pairs between the two bachelorettes. I know this is confusing because they have two of everyone this season, but bear with me.

Let me break it down for you by my favorite first impressions.

First, they had both girls standing off to the side a good distance apart, so when a guy got out of the limo he had to choose who he approached first. It was fantastic. The first limo had a lot of men beelining it for Britt.

Ben H. was super into Britt and told her that they both sponsored children together — Which probably means that they are way more philanthropic than me.

Jared is a little creepy. I don’t know how he snuck in this season’s cast, especially with sad, sad lines of “If I were a superhero, I would be love man.” A child who has yet to develop motor skills could come up with a better line than that. C’mon, Jared. Pull yourself together!

Josh our lawyer by day, Magic Mike by night stripper man just stripped down. Right then and there. Yep, and then made both ladies touch his chest. A law student’s gotta earn a living. You dance, Josh! Don’t let those haters hold you down! Pay those student loans.

Best First Impression: That would have to go to JJ. He went right up to Kaitlyn, referenced her farmer intro joke of “I would let you plow my field any day” from the previous season, and went with his own cleverly inappropriate line. He, like Kaitlyn, was Canadian, and handed her a hockey puck saying, “I would love to puck you.” It was epic.

Daniel came out dancing.

Best Rides: The dentist Chris came in a cupcake car where the top flipped up. The amateur sex coach Shawn rolled up in a “carpool.” Probably the coolest thing I’ve seen. A car filled with water. Sure, he was wet from the waist down after getting out, but I’m sure that’s not new for him. (Oh dear, I went there.)

The gifts kept coming, mostly directed toward Kaitlyn. The fitness trainer from Naperville (I know there are a lot of them.) Justin arrived with helium balloons and Joe from Kentucky brought moonshine. So while Britt received the most men from the first limo approaching her first, Kaitlyn received the most gifts later on in the night and I would say the most attractive men. She also had Ian who was staunchly there to meet her and helped her gain her confidence back after most of the men had initially shown interest in Britt.

Best Quote of the Night: Aside from JJ’s “I would puck you” comment, this one goes to our sassy-mouthed Kaitlyn. One of the bachelors gave Britt tissues. And whether she meant it in reference to the dirty rumor that Britt doesn’t shower, Kaitlyn asked, “Is that Kleenex or soap?”

Midway through Kaitlyn ran into the house to see all of the guys before greeting more at the limos. Britt was pisssed. I was doing a silent, internal slow-clap, complete with head nod.

Cocktail Party:

Kaitlyn opened it with a joke.

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Two Bachelorettes
Two Bachelorettes who?
That is the joke.

Britt took a more traditional Bachelor approach and said she wanted to find love and set the stage for everyone being there for the right reasons..

The token drunk! Ryan M. joins the long line of hall of famers – first night drunkies, by having entirely too many bellinis.

One of the guys drew Chris Harrison riding a triceratiops and framed it. It was actually really good. He gave it to Kaitlyn, saying originially he thought there would only be one bachelorette.

The ones to watch: If Katilyn makes it, Ian will definitely be a frontrunner as he made it known he was there for one girl and one girl only and that was Kaitlyn. Shawn B., with looks like Ryan Gosling, a voice from a heavenly choir of baritones, and humor to wrap it up in one nice package, this one could be a contender. Ben H. He was primarily there for Britt and let her know it. Heck, they both share sponsored children. But he made a sweet move and asked Kaitlyn what her back elbow bird tattoos meant. She was so impressed by the question and even said Farmer Chris had never taken the time to ask her that. She said she’s lived all over, but this bird represents that she always flies home. I’m also certain Ben H. proves all hot men originate from Denver.

JJ thinks Britt is a 15 out of a 10. She’s cute for sure, but we have got to introduce you to more ladies, JJ.

ABC ended it with To Be Continued… with Chris Harrison seeking out The Bachelorettes to send one home!

Tweets of the night:

season11night1 season11night1_2 season11night1_3 season11night1_4I must own this.season11night1_5

season11night1_6After meeting the guys, NOW who do you think will win? And based off of the pool of guys, who do you WANT to win? We’ll find out tomorrow, Tuesday, 8|7c. Now I’m regretting not structuring this post as a WWE match up between the two ladies.

 

 

What You Need to Know for The Bachelorette Season 11 Premiere

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Photo Credit: ABC.com

Photo Credit: ABC.com

The Bachelorette Season 11 (aka the season it all went to hell in a handbasket) is almost upon us! There was some confusion following ABC’s After the Final Rose on how exactly this was all going to work. Here is what we know:

1. ABC doesn’t even know how it’s all going to work. They were just like we have to make an announcement so let’s just be as vague as possible and hope it all works out. Drink up, America!

No, but really. How it’s going to work is night one the 25 guys will mingle with both ladies and then vote on who they want to remain as the bachelorette. What is still unclear is what happens to the men that voted for the rejected bachelorette. Does the winning bachelorette just turn every date into a search party for the ones that didn’t vote for her? Because now that would make great television.

I think this is a stupid idea and a way for The Bachelor to keep ratings up. That said, you know where to find me Monday night, May 18th 8|9c.

[SPOILER ALERT] I did it, I read Reality Steve. If you don’t want to know who the new bachelorette is do not read further.

No for reals. Skip ahead.

Ok, I warned you. Now normally I don’t condone spoilers, but this time I was gonna blow a fuse if Britt made it to be The Bachelorette, and I really had to prepare myself for what season I was about to enter into, because let’s face it, it’s an empty threat if I said I would boycott the entire season. I’m too far invested in this. But you can save yourselves. Never fear, though, Reality Steve has informed us that Kaitlyn is in fact this season’s bachelorette. Reality Steve also revealed that Britt will play a part in some capacity.

Still, my favorite moment might be on last season’s finale when Chris Harrison looked visibly upset by the audience’s reaction to Britt being a potential candidate for the Bachelorette.

[Spoiler Alert End]

The Men: ABC has revealed the cast of which 25 dudes got roped into signing up for this train wreck season. There is the token dentist, a singer/songwriter trying to make it in this lonely world, and a few bajillion personal trainers. The best profession this season, though, might have to be a sex coach, whose favorite holiday is, shocker, Valentine’s Day. Probably big business around that time. Get to know Shawn E. here. The best part is that he’s not even a sex coach, sex coach. He’s a self-proclaimed amateur sex coach. So you’re not even getting the best of the best here. Screen shot 2015-05-12 at 12.30.18 AM

US Weekly has a great easy line up to remember this fine smattering of men. And of course, you can oggle the cast list on ABC.com. My money’s on the law student/exotic dancer. Or maybe the healer. Decisions, decisions.

Premiere Date: Get the wine glasses prepped and those premiere parties popping, Season 11 of The Bachelorette premieres Monday, May 18th, 8pm|9pm c. 

Note to self: Find the Bachelors’ audition tapes…or a personal trainer.

Who do you want to see as the next bachelorette?

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