The Bachelorette Kaitlyn | Week 2 | Quick Recap

Don’t update those Bachelor Boards just yet, Bachelor Fans! Another cliff hanger. Another night without a rose ceremony.

Who got kicked off: The ones in black X’s were sent home last week Tuesday. The one with a red X was sent home tonight before the rose ceremony. Boston native Kupah was sent home during the cocktail party after he got in a heated debate with Kaitlyn about if there were feelings there or not. Then Kupah got in a passionate argument with producers on his exit interviews, causing Kaitlyn to overhear and get all fired up. The scene ended with her headed outside to ameliorate the situation. I know of Kupah from a friend and they say he’s a great guy, which I’m inclined to believe – volunteers with kids, DJs. We’ll see next week how it all plays out and who is eliminated during the rose ceremony.Bachelor-Board_Kaitlynweek2

Actually that’s a lie. The show ended with Brit and Brady. Brady asked her to be his “girl,” after dating for a week. Brit said they spent every day that week together. Is it because you’re both trapped in the same city with nowhere to go because you had anticipated filming for another 5 weeks? No, no definitely love. Or that Brady was the only one that came after her. Eh, either way congrats to the happy couple. May you ride out this rebound as long as you both can muster. It reminds me of the Elise and Chris Bukowski situation from The Bachelor in Paradise, a life of convenience. To love!

Group Date: Boxing with Laila Ali

Ben Z. received the rose.

One-on-One: Underwater Photography

Clint received a rose.

Group Date: Stand-Up Comedy with Amy Schumer

Divorced Dad with a 3-year-old JJ received the rose.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Bachelorette Season 11 | Season Premiere [ Part 1]

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It’s Season 11 of The Bachelorette!!

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Photo Credit: US Weekly

 

No, we still don’t know who will be the bachelorette. But we do know the guys got to go into a super secret voting room and place their rose in a pristinely carved rose-shaped hole in one of two boxes, depending on which lady they chose. We will find out tomorrow, Tuesday, May 20th at 8|7c who that lucky lady is.

Who Got Kicked Off: Yes, already we have our first reject of the season. thank you to Ryan M. for having one, two, ten too many to drink and turning into a fight-provoking, belligerent drunk. Chris Harrison called him outside and sent him home whenceforth he came. Rumor has it he is the ex bf of Nikki from Juan Pablo’s season.

To start the show we were introduced to a whole batch of attractive men.

Single dads are Justin and Jonathan.

Two Ryan’s, two Shawn’s, two Ben’s, two Cory’s. There can only be one! I’m convinced ABC is just trying to confuse us all. Or just split the pairs between the two bachelorettes. I know this is confusing because they have two of everyone this season, but bear with me.

Let me break it down for you by my favorite first impressions.

First, they had both girls standing off to the side a good distance apart, so when a guy got out of the limo he had to choose who he approached first. It was fantastic. The first limo had a lot of men beelining it for Britt.

Ben H. was super into Britt and told her that they both sponsored children together — Which probably means that they are way more philanthropic than me.

Jared is a little creepy. I don’t know how he snuck in this season’s cast, especially with sad, sad lines of “If I were a superhero, I would be love man.” A child who has yet to develop motor skills could come up with a better line than that. C’mon, Jared. Pull yourself together!

Josh our lawyer by day, Magic Mike by night stripper man just stripped down. Right then and there. Yep, and then made both ladies touch his chest. A law student’s gotta earn a living. You dance, Josh! Don’t let those haters hold you down! Pay those student loans.

Best First Impression: That would have to go to JJ. He went right up to Kaitlyn, referenced her farmer intro joke of “I would let you plow my field any day” from the previous season, and went with his own cleverly inappropriate line. He, like Kaitlyn, was Canadian, and handed her a hockey puck saying, “I would love to puck you.” It was epic.

Daniel came out dancing.

Best Rides: The dentist Chris came in a cupcake car where the top flipped up. The amateur sex coach Shawn rolled up in a “carpool.” Probably the coolest thing I’ve seen. A car filled with water. Sure, he was wet from the waist down after getting out, but I’m sure that’s not new for him. (Oh dear, I went there.)

The gifts kept coming, mostly directed toward Kaitlyn. The fitness trainer from Naperville (I know there are a lot of them.) Justin arrived with helium balloons and Joe from Kentucky brought moonshine. So while Britt received the most men from the first limo approaching her first, Kaitlyn received the most gifts later on in the night and I would say the most attractive men. She also had Ian who was staunchly there to meet her and helped her gain her confidence back after most of the men had initially shown interest in Britt.

Best Quote of the Night: Aside from JJ’s “I would puck you” comment, this one goes to our sassy-mouthed Kaitlyn. One of the bachelors gave Britt tissues. And whether she meant it in reference to the dirty rumor that Britt doesn’t shower, Kaitlyn asked, “Is that Kleenex or soap?”

Midway through Kaitlyn ran into the house to see all of the guys before greeting more at the limos. Britt was pisssed. I was doing a silent, internal slow-clap, complete with head nod.

Cocktail Party:

Kaitlyn opened it with a joke.

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Two Bachelorettes
Two Bachelorettes who?
That is the joke.

Britt took a more traditional Bachelor approach and said she wanted to find love and set the stage for everyone being there for the right reasons..

The token drunk! Ryan M. joins the long line of hall of famers – first night drunkies, by having entirely too many bellinis.

One of the guys drew Chris Harrison riding a triceratiops and framed it. It was actually really good. He gave it to Kaitlyn, saying originially he thought there would only be one bachelorette.

The ones to watch: If Katilyn makes it, Ian will definitely be a frontrunner as he made it known he was there for one girl and one girl only and that was Kaitlyn. Shawn B., with looks like Ryan Gosling, a voice from a heavenly choir of baritones, and humor to wrap it up in one nice package, this one could be a contender. Ben H. He was primarily there for Britt and let her know it. Heck, they both share sponsored children. But he made a sweet move and asked Kaitlyn what her back elbow bird tattoos meant. She was so impressed by the question and even said Farmer Chris had never taken the time to ask her that. She said she’s lived all over, but this bird represents that she always flies home. I’m also certain Ben H. proves all hot men originate from Denver.

JJ thinks Britt is a 15 out of a 10. She’s cute for sure, but we have got to introduce you to more ladies, JJ.

ABC ended it with To Be Continued… with Chris Harrison seeking out The Bachelorettes to send one home!

Tweets of the night:

season11night1 season11night1_2 season11night1_3 season11night1_4I must own this.season11night1_5

season11night1_6After meeting the guys, NOW who do you think will win? And based off of the pool of guys, who do you WANT to win? We’ll find out tomorrow, Tuesday, 8|7c. Now I’m regretting not structuring this post as a WWE match up between the two ladies.

 

 

What You Need to Know for The Bachelorette Season 11 Premiere

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Photo Credit: ABC.com

Photo Credit: ABC.com

The Bachelorette Season 11 (aka the season it all went to hell in a handbasket) is almost upon us! There was some confusion following ABC’s After the Final Rose on how exactly this was all going to work. Here is what we know:

1. ABC doesn’t even know how it’s all going to work. They were just like we have to make an announcement so let’s just be as vague as possible and hope it all works out. Drink up, America!

No, but really. How it’s going to work is night one the 25 guys will mingle with both ladies and then vote on who they want to remain as the bachelorette. What is still unclear is what happens to the men that voted for the rejected bachelorette. Does the winning bachelorette just turn every date into a search party for the ones that didn’t vote for her? Because now that would make great television.

I think this is a stupid idea and a way for The Bachelor to keep ratings up. That said, you know where to find me Monday night, May 18th 8|9c.

[SPOILER ALERT] I did it, I read Reality Steve. If you don’t want to know who the new bachelorette is do not read further.

No for reals. Skip ahead.

Ok, I warned you. Now normally I don’t condone spoilers, but this time I was gonna blow a fuse if Britt made it to be The Bachelorette, and I really had to prepare myself for what season I was about to enter into, because let’s face it, it’s an empty threat if I said I would boycott the entire season. I’m too far invested in this. But you can save yourselves. Never fear, though, Reality Steve has informed us that Kaitlyn is in fact this season’s bachelorette. Reality Steve also revealed that Britt will play a part in some capacity.

Still, my favorite moment might be on last season’s finale when Chris Harrison looked visibly upset by the audience’s reaction to Britt being a potential candidate for the Bachelorette.

[Spoiler Alert End]

The Men: ABC has revealed the cast of which 25 dudes got roped into signing up for this train wreck season. There is the token dentist, a singer/songwriter trying to make it in this lonely world, and a few bajillion personal trainers. The best profession this season, though, might have to be a sex coach, whose favorite holiday is, shocker, Valentine’s Day. Probably big business around that time. Get to know Shawn E. here. The best part is that he’s not even a sex coach, sex coach. He’s a self-proclaimed amateur sex coach. So you’re not even getting the best of the best here. Screen shot 2015-05-12 at 12.30.18 AM

US Weekly has a great easy line up to remember this fine smattering of men. And of course, you can oggle the cast list on ABC.com. My money’s on the law student/exotic dancer. Or maybe the healer. Decisions, decisions.

Premiere Date: Get the wine glasses prepped and those premiere parties popping, Season 11 of The Bachelorette premieres Monday, May 18th, 8pm|9pm c. 

Note to self: Find the Bachelors’ audition tapes…or a personal trainer.

Who do you want to see as the next bachelorette?

The Bachelor Finale: Congrats to the Happy Couple Chris and Whitney!

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Congrats to Chris and Whitney. May you make lots of babies.chrisandwhitneykiss

Who got Kicked Off: In a not-so-surprising turn of events, Becca was sent home. Bachelor-Board_Chrisfinale

 

Chris had his final dates with Becca and Whitney and the family got to meet both of the ladies. Momma Soules was all ready to welcome in another daughter.

Whitney went first. She came in with hugs and enthusiasm a plenty. She made a toast at dinner and cried and talked a lot and cried some more. She told Momma Soules she was ready to call someone mom and dad again. Whitney lost both of her parents.

Becca cracked some jokes and couldn’t express how she was feeling to Momma Soules. She also couldn’t express how she was feeling to Chris. Chris kept asking her if what she was feeling was love. And she kept saying, “I don’t know,” because she had never been there before and had nothing to compare it to. Basically, it came down to that she thought she was falling in love with him but was unsure if she was ready for a proposal and committing to Iowa. Chris is 33 and ready to lock it down.

The Proposal

Chris proposed in his barn that he’s had forever. It actually looked very romantic decked out in candles and lanterns. Becca came first in a red velvet dress. Chris let her down and I don’t think she cried once in the limo on the way home. Whitney came next in a long blue, banging dress. She started talking a lot. Then Chris finally got to get in a few words and propose.

Cute Moment

Whitney is all ready for the baby wagon. After Chris proposed she told the camera. “We’re gonna make some babies. They better be freakin’ cute.”

Chris’ response: “F*#k yeah.” Cue dolphin laugh.

After The Final Rose

Jimmy Kimmel made another guest appearance and gifted the happy couple a cow named Juan Pablo. Becca showed no emotion when seeing Chris since the breakup. Whitney revealed she hasn’t watched a single episode of the season aside from a couple of their dates. Ashley S. is still playing coy about coming on The Bachelor in Paradise. I think she’ll be there. Will you watch?

And they announced the next bachelorette(s).

The Bachelorette Announcement

Because ABC couldn’t make a decision, they’re having two bachelorettes. Kaitlyn and Britt will duke it out as the next Bachelorette(s). I don’t think ABC has even figured out the details. From my understanding they are going to have 25 guys meet both ladies night one and then the guys will all vote on who they want to stay as The Bachelorette. But who knows, because maybe ABC will keep both. Because this season there have been no rules and apparently ABC is going to keep rolling with that.

I’m pissed. #TeamKatilyn. I think Britt is an attention hog. At least Kaitlyn was honest with her answer when Jimmy asked her how she felt about it. She said, “Well, it’s not ideal.” Britt has just smiled and perfected the hair flip. What are your thoughts, Bachelor Fans?

Tweets of the Night: I was excited to see parody accounts @BenFlajniksHair and @ScarfofJosh back on the Twittosphere live tweeting #TheBachelorFinale.

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The Bachelor Chris – Women Tell All And What You Need to Know Before the Finale

Tonight we find out which of the blonde ladies Chris chooses for his wifey! Then we get to see what happened After the Final Rose. If whoever Chris chose is in fact moving to Iowa.

Who is left: Fertility Nurse Whitney and Chiropractic Assistant Becca. Our Canadian Kaitlyn was sent home after the Fantasy Suite Dates.

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Bring ’em out. Bring ’em out. The Women Tell All last week was something. Jimmy Kimmel’s skit summed it up nicely. I don’t think there were any words there. Just unidentifiable noises and dramatic sobbing. Chris Harrison had a heck of a time controlling the verbal war happening among the ladies. What got the most attention however (that I could decipher between the bickering) was Chris Soules’ blog on PEOPLE.com, which is him looking back on each episode and giving you some of his reasoning. Can you imagine reading a blog on the thoughts your ex-boyfriend had about dating you? That’s what it is. And that’s what got some of the ladies heated up.

In the hot seat

Britt

Britt went in there with fire. She had everything that she wanted to say to Carly down and she let it fly. She also played the victim card spot on, while managing to list off her many accomplishments with volunteering and children. Kudos, Britt, kudos. Carly waylaid Britt’s accusations that Carly was responsible for Britt’s sendoff. “If you read Chris’ blog, I was the third to tell him,” said Carly. Britt burst into sobs like a gazillion times, because it’s the Britt show. And when they finally brought Chris out she gave him the longest hug ever. Let it goooo.

Kelsey

You could sense all the ladies wanted to have at her. It was a group ready to pounce, and they made no effort to hide it. When asked why she thought everyone hated her, Kelsey gave the same response of maybe it’s because she uses big words. I have a big word for you Kelsey. It’s called arrogance. It’s right in between annoying and nobody-likes-you in the dictionary. But you probably already knew that. Juelia made a great point, that she also went through something difficult, actually very similar to Kelsey and she didn’t use it to be a terrible person. But let’s all remember Kelsey’s story is amazing. She also told Chris Harrison this gem, “I felt that I became a whole person,” after a year after losing her husband. So naturally then she went on The Bachelor, because that’s obviously where you go to find love and mend a broken heart.

Ashley S.

And here to save the day with some comic relief — zombie hunter Ashley S.! Thank goodness for her. Ashley S. is growing onions, maybe pomegranates. But really. She brought one to Chris Harrison as a “host gift.” See so thoughtful. All is right with the world. Chris Harrison, host gift in hand, admittedly said he was overstepping his role when he asked her then and there to be a contestant on Bachelor in Paradise. Ashley S., sidestepped the question, but the audience was on board. We’ll see what happens this summer. Goodness knows we could use some more Ashley S. in our lives.

Kaitlyn

Kaitlyn told Chris Harrison, “I can pinpoint the moment when my heart broke. When he called Whitney’s name.” When Chris Soules came out to talk to the ladies, Kaitlyn stayed put in her chair, talking from a distance, obviously trying to protect her broken heart. She just wanted answers for why he didn’t choose her, and Chris couldn’t give them to her. There is Twitter talk abuzz that Kaitlyn is the next Bachelorette. Canadian Bachelorette Jillian instagrammed a post of the pair, joking about the similarities. ABC is still polling its audiences, but we shall see if this firecracker gets a spot as the next bachelorette.

Watch Parties

The Bachelor Bus is back! And so are gobs of women. I feel like they multiply each season. If you’re not familiar with The Bachelor Bus, it’s just a bus that takes Chris Harrison and the then bachelor around to various viewing parties. Just sorority house after sorority house. One had a drinking game posted on cardboard on the wall and made Chris take tequila shots. Now that is my kinda watch party. Another had a whole thing of hay in their apartment. Talk about dedication.

Bloopers

I’m so happy they have these. I love bloopers. First, they juxtaposed Chris’ laugh with that of a dolphin. Let me tell you. It was spot on. They also replayed the clip of Whitney’s dog humping a toy as Whitney and Chris were trying to have a deep conversation with each other.

Chris Harrison Wrote a Book

Chris Harrison wrote a novel called The Perfect Letter. ABC used the last 5 seconds of airtime to let Chris Harrison plug his new novel, The Perfect Letter. 

Tonight! The previews showed Chris’ dad saying that he thinks Chris loves Becca, but that Whitney is the sure bet. He also asked Chris if he wanted a girlfriend or a wife. We’ll find out tonight as Chris takes these two home to the family.

The Bachelor Chris – Quick Recap Week 7

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A flood of tears, a first glimpse of Iowa, and we finished a Sunday/Monday two part special Monday night with two rose ceremonies and Hometown dates!!

1st Rose Ceremony: Britt had a meltdown, pulled Chris aside and he sent her home. But not before he threw Carly under the bus. Here’s a tip: don’t tell Chris things you don’t want him to tell the other ladies. Because he’ll do it. He just doesn’t know how to slyly bring up those topics of conversation. Chris told Britt Carly said Britt didn’t like Arlington. Britt made a dramatic crying exit. Then they finished out the rose ceremony and Chris sent Carly home crying in the limo, asking why no one loved her. Because you broke the cardinal rule, Carly, of not talking about the other ladies.

Who made it to Hometowns! Becca, Whitney, Jade, and Kaitlyn (more detail to follow in a later post)

2nd Rose Ceremony: After hometown dates, Chris sent playboy model Jade home.

Who got kicked off: And Megan’s been gone for awhile, kicked off at the beginning of Sunday’s episode, probably chilling and sunning herself outside of the US in New Mexico.

Bachelor-Board_Chris_week7

There are three ladies left!! Whitney, Becca, and Kaitlyn. And you know what that means, Bachelor Fans! It’s time for Fantasy Suite dates. Becca still hasn’t told him she’s a virgin, Kaitlyn still has a wall up, and Whitney’s still out there making babies. Which one of these ladies is going home and which two are going to meet the ‘rents?

The Bachelor Chris – Quick Recap Week 6 [Part 2]

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It was a Sunday/Monday two part event. Sunday night we said adios to Megan, before Chris and the remaining ladies packed it up for Des Moines, Iowa (2-3 hours outside of Chris’ hometown of Arlington)! Because otherwise you’d be in Arlington, Iowa, population 400, and there’s nothing to do in Iowa.

Who got kicked off: Chris sent Megan home before heading back to Iowa with the remaining ladies. He was supposed to send another lady home that night, but Chris told other Chris that he had strong feelings for all of the ladies and really wanted to keep them. And you know the theme of this season. There are no rules! Keep all the ladies. Have as many wives as you want Chris. Bachelor-Board_Chris_week6

In case you’re not keeping up with all of these To Be Continued’s and Two Parters, Monday night there were two rose ceremonies.

 

 

The Bachelor Valentine’s Day Special: Love, Marriage, and Babies

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Where are they now?

It’s a Valentine’s Day special! There’s always talk aflutter about how unlikely it is for people to find love on The Bachelor. While the odds are slim to none, love does happen more often than you might think. Here is a short list of Bachelor/ettes that have found love, marriage, and babies on and off the show.

JP and Ashley

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My favorite couple, JP Rosenbaum and Ashley Hebert, are continuing to rock life with a new son. They welcomed a new addition to their family, Fordham Rhys Rosenbaum, on September 30, 2014 and since that day her Instagram account has been sprinkled, I’m sorry, covered, with the new baby. JP tweeted an adorable accusation that Ashley was hogging time with the little tyke. Ashley finished dental school and the couple, along with their adorable dog, Boo, moved from New Jersey to Miami.

Des and Chris

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[Photo credit: US Magazine] Desiree Hartsock and Chris Siegfreid tied the knot secretly without the ABC fanfare. Wedding gown designer, Des, had a bit of help with her gown and reception dress. She co-designed the romantic, vintage dresses with Maggie Sotterro. Her ring is a 4-karat stunner from who other than Neil Lane. US Magazine had the scoop and wedding album slideshow.

Emily maynard and Tyler Johnson

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Fashionista and Season 8’s Bachelorette, Emily Maynard is pregnant! Who is the proud dad? Tyler Johnson, a man from her hometown who she met at church, proposed to Emily (and Ricki). They got married June 7, 2014 and announced they were pregnant a short six months later in early January 2015. Little 9-year-old Ricki who has been Emily’s whole world is getting a sibling.

DeAnna pappas and stephen Stagliano

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DeAnna Pappas and Stephen Stagliano who were married in 2011, welcomed baby girl, Addison Marie Stagliano, on February 6, 2014. Parading their now 1-year-old daughter around on the live red carpet premiere of this season’s Bachelor, Deanna and Stephen are happily parenting.

Jillian harris and Justin Pasutto

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Jillian Harris, Season 5 of The Bachelorette, interior designer, blogger, and current host of Love it or List it, Vancouver, is happily dating former professional snowboarder, Justin Pasutto. Her Instagram is covered with photos of them enjoying time by the lake. Justin is very supportive of Jillian’s endeavors. They are still enjoying time dating, but I have a sneaking suspicion they may be the next couple to put a ring on it. POPSUGAR did an exclusive interview with Jillian on her relationship with the self-proclaimed scrubcaptain and this is what they had to say.

Molly Malaney and Jason Mesnick

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Mommy blogger, Molly Malaney married Jason Mesnick on February 27, 2010. They celebrated their baby girl Riley’s first birthday in March of 2014. They live in Kirkland, WA (near the Seattle-based and now married couple Desiree Hartsock and Chris Siegfried! Who were at Riley’s first birthday).

It’s judgment time!!

 

The Bachelor – Chris Full Recap Week 5 [Part 2] and Week 6

This week left some unsolved mysteries. 1. Ashley I.’s mascara is still intact even after crying every episode. 2. Britt’s hair looks like she’s modeling for a Suave commercial even though she does not shower. 3. Samantha. These are the things I wonder about.

Things we did learn this week: Ashley I. has her masters degree. Kelsey might be crazier than zombie hunter Ashley S. And Megan’s still dancing by herself.

This week tied together the loose ends from last week’s To Be Continued episode. Mackenzie and Samantha were sent home and the remaining women traveled to South Dakota for a whole new slew of dates, including the epic two-on-one. 

Who got kicked off: Mackenzie and Samantha were sent home as part of last week’s rose ceremony. Ashley I. (aka Princess Jasmine, Kardashley) and Kelsey were sent home on the most epic two-on-one date ever.

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I think most of the tears this season belonged to Ashley I. and I’m going to miss Princess Jasmine.

The claws are out. And it is everyone vs Kelsey. Kelsey faked a panic attack to ensure a rose. As she was having her panic attack, she asked for Chris. Chivalrous man he is, he tried to calm her down. Afterward she seemed completely fine and was even laughing about it to the other ladies. It was weird.

Quote of the Night: “I wanted to punch her in the teeth holder. It’s not about your sad story anymore. It’s about you being a terrible human being.” – Kaitlyn

I like Kaitlyn.

“Samantha had terrible things that have happened to her that have shaped who she is but she didn’t use it to get a rose.” – Becca. I also like Becca.

After the rose ceremony where Mackenzie and Samantha were sent home, the group traveled to Deadwood, South Dakota. 

“I’m with 8 other wonderful charming women…and Kelsey will be here too.” – Carly. I heard a rumor Carly is the next bachelorette. I don’t read the spoilers, but there has been some buzz.

Another weird conversation with Kelsey happened where she felt she deserved the one-on-one because she had worked hard for it. Apparently telling a dude you have a dead husband earns you a one-on-one date. Just letting you know. 

The ladies finally let Kelsey have it. Carly led the battle cry. It just gave Kelsey another opportunity to turn on the water works and go into another diatribe. Something something something. I’m the best. Crazy. Legit crazy. I’m not even gonna let you guys vote on that one, because there is no question. There’s not enough alcohol in the world to excuse away that crazy. So glad she’s a guidance counselor. Run kids!

One-on-One: Let’s give love a shot,” said the date card. Finally, Becca from San Diego got the one-on-one. She must have grabbed Chris’ attention with her sweet mannerisms. “She’s the only one I haven’t kissed,” Chris said. Ah-ha! Breaking her away from the herd huh?

Becca and Chris had an adorable date. They shot cans off of a log. Turns out Becca’s a pretty great shot. They cozied up by the fire and Becca pointed out Chris’ adorable laugh. And they finally kissed! Basically they were adorable together and need to get married asap.

Group Date: Whitney, Jade, Britt, Kaitlyn, Carly, Megan

The group date made everyone write their own country music song. Big and Rich showed up to help the gang. You know them from their epic Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy song that you will never be able to get out of your head now. You’re welcome.

Everyone seemed okay with writing their own music, especially Cruise Ship Singer Carly (this is her jam!), except for Jade. Big Kenny took Jade out on a run down Deerwood to get out of her head. It worked because Jade’s song was pretty solid.

Another Awkward Chris Moment: Chris stole Britt away without telling the other ladies and took her to a Big and Rich concert. He had already made things awkward earlier in the day when he had his hands all over Britt while the girls were in the same area trying to write love songs about him. He’s not great with the dating multiple women thing.

The girls noticed there was no rose on the date. That’s because Chris took Britt, who hates country music (and showers), to a Big and Rich concert. He gave her the rose on stage. THEN waltzed back into the group date hand-in-hand with Britt.

His opening line: “How is everybody?”

Nice. Well done, Chris. You have a way with the words. Then he left everyone on the date to duck out. Whitney confirmed that the girls had been waiting for over an hour for Britt and Chris to return. Were you taking another nap, Britt?

Two-on-One: Ashley I. vs Kelsey. Virgin vs Widow in the Badlands of South Dakota. Who will come out on top? Each were weirdly confident.

In the Badlands, ABC had a day bed just hanging out, naturally.

Ashley I. threw Kelsey under the bus, telling Chris Kelsey doesn’t get along with the other women in the house. Chris threw Ashley I. under the bus because he didn’t know how to go fishing for answers. Kelsey played the it’s a difference in maturity card. And threw in a very creepy I know what you did last summer stare for good measure. Your move, Kardashley. Cue waterworks. Just to prove Kelsey wrong, in true mature fashion, she dramatically pulled Chris aside crying. It was then he let her go.

While I’m sad to see Kardashley go, it was time. For the sake of her mascara, she needed to go home. It’s best for everyone.

As Chris explained that to Kelsey back on the day bed, naturally, Kelsey went all guidance counselor on him until he also let her go.

The best part was when Chris climbed in his helicopter and left Kelsey and Ashley I. to duke it out in this wide expanse of land followed by a cut to the ladies back at the hotel popping bottles in celebration of Kelsey’s departure.

Tweets of the Night:

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week5_4Big and Rich were right. There are such distinct personalities, and Chris is bringing them home to Iowa. We’ll see how some of these ladies fair living on the farmland.

Next week starting Sunday is a two day event! Sunday night will be the rest of this week’s rose ceremony and then the gang is going to Iowa!! We’ll see how the girls actually shape up to living in a small town. Sunday 8|7c and Monday 8|7c.

The Bachelor Chris – Full Recap Week 5 [Part 1]

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They’re on the move! The group headed to Santa Fe, New Mexico. That’s the new part of Mexico, not the old part, if you’re following Megan’s geography.

“Megan’s not playing with a full deck,” my dear friend Bevin reported. No, no she’s not. But I like Megan’s deck. Here is what we’ve established about Megan as of now. She cannot name all five senses, and she thinks New Mexico is outside of the US.

Who got kicked off: No one this week, because ABC left it to be continued as Kelsey faked a panic attack to secure a rose.

Bachelor-Board_Chris_week5

One-on-One: This may have been the most awkward date yet. Or at least awkward to watch. Carly and Chris seemed to have a great time. Cruise Ship Singer Carly finally got a one-on-one date with a sex therapist. Yes, you read that correctly. Carly sat on Chris’ lap, they fondled each other and weirdly huffed into each others mouths but not kissing. Until finally the therapist person lady gave them permission to have at it. Carly said she’s never had a guy reciprocate her feelings. Her last boyfriend didn’t want to get physical. Chris said, “I want to get to know more about her.” I feel every time Chris says that he seems to try to find it inside the girls’ mouth.

Group Date: Kelsey, dark haired girl no one knows (Samantha), Ashley I. the crier, Tenessee blonde (Whitney), crazy Canadian Kaitlin, playboy bunny Jade, Becca from San Diego, single mom Mackenzie

The group went to the Rio Grande River for white water rafting. After the guide went over all of the possible ways they could die or get some crazy disease, Jade fell in the freezing cold water. We found out there’s this abnormal disorder where a person’s body can go into hypothermia at normal temps. They wrapped her in blankets. Jade took it like a champ and earned a foot massage from Chris.

Kelsey is struggling with the fact she’s not someone else’s whole world. she’s not getting her attention, and she is making it known.

Surprise! Our fun-loving, bathroom twerking, drunky Jordan crashed the group date and said she wasn’t comfortable leaving without Chris knowing anything about her. So apparently The Bachelor is now all come back whenever you want. Does rejection mean nothing anymore? Rose shmoses! Veto power is the new rose!

After brining her back for a hot second and getting rained on by the other ladies who were less than pleased, Chris let Jordan go AGAIN.

IMG_3403One-on-One: Britt got the date, freaked out because it indicated heights were involved and then was completely fine when she saw it was a hot air balloon. We found out she doesn’t shower, sleeps in full make-up and still gets her hair gorgeous. Seriously, though, how does that happen? Chris woke her up at 4:30am, and then tells the producers she looks just as good waking up as she does during the day. Yeah, that’s how I look too – full make up, sparkle eyeshadow and bright red lipstick. It’s the all natural look. I don’t know about you, but that’s exactly how I look waking up in the morning, but more radiant and with forest animals dressing me. Puh-lease. And someone please restore my faith in men and say that not all dudes think that is how ladies wake up at 4:30am?

Awkward Alert:  Carly, who as you’ll remember, just had her sex therapist date, was in the same room as Britt when Chris woke Britt up  with kisses. Chris is not great at this dating multiple women thing. Hide that ish.

Gossip: Some of the girls said Britt loved being single and was not in any rush to get married and have kids.

Quote of the night: “This date started in bed and ended in bed.” – Chris

Alright, Chris. Let’s take the ho status down a notch. To recap, so far his gifts to Britt have included a note for a free kiss and the offer to stay in a hotel bed. Britt needs to take some of those back and specify what constitutes a nice gift.

Then she went back and told the girls, “We took a nap.”

Kelsey decided that was it, she needed to tell her tragic, amazing, inspiring (her words not mine) story to Chris. She found him in his hotel room.

Whitney, Carly and Brit had roses going into the ceremony.

So many cliches spouted from Kelsey’s lips about her husband Sanderson followed by…

Quote of the Night: “And it means I have to say goodbye to people and I’m not going, but we’re gonna have to say goodbye to some people.” I just. *heavy sigh*

Chris decided to forego the cocktail party and Kelsey faked a panic attack.

The two-on-ones are back!! The most awkward dates!! The awkward third wheel. The best date of all.

Tweets of the Night:

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