The Bachelor Chris – Quick Recap Week 7

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A flood of tears, a first glimpse of Iowa, and we finished a Sunday/Monday two part special Monday night with two rose ceremonies and Hometown dates!!

1st Rose Ceremony: Britt had a meltdown, pulled Chris aside and he sent her home. But not before he threw Carly under the bus. Here’s a tip: don’t tell Chris things you don’t want him to tell the other ladies. Because he’ll do it. He just doesn’t know how to slyly bring up those topics of conversation. Chris told Britt Carly said Britt didn’t like Arlington. Britt made a dramatic crying exit. Then they finished out the rose ceremony and Chris sent Carly home crying in the limo, asking why no one loved her. Because you broke the cardinal rule, Carly, of not talking about the other ladies.

Who made it to Hometowns! Becca, Whitney, Jade, and Kaitlyn (more detail to follow in a later post)

2nd Rose Ceremony: After hometown dates, Chris sent playboy model Jade home.

Who got kicked off: And Megan’s been gone for awhile, kicked off at the beginning of Sunday’s episode, probably chilling and sunning herself outside of the US in New Mexico.

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There are three ladies left!! Whitney, Becca, and Kaitlyn. And you know what that means, Bachelor Fans! It’s time for Fantasy Suite dates. Becca still hasn’t told him she’s a virgin, Kaitlyn still has a wall up, and Whitney’s still out there making babies. Which one of these ladies is going home and which two are going to meet the ‘rents?

The Bachelor Chris – Quick Recap Week 6 [Part 2]

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It was a Sunday/Monday two part event. Sunday night we said adios to Megan, before Chris and the remaining ladies packed it up for Des Moines, Iowa (2-3 hours outside of Chris’ hometown of Arlington)! Because otherwise you’d be in Arlington, Iowa, population 400, and there’s nothing to do in Iowa.

Who got kicked off: Chris sent Megan home before heading back to Iowa with the remaining ladies. He was supposed to send another lady home that night, but Chris told other Chris that he had strong feelings for all of the ladies and really wanted to keep them. And you know the theme of this season. There are no rules! Keep all the ladies. Have as many wives as you want Chris. Bachelor-Board_Chris_week6

In case you’re not keeping up with all of these To Be Continued’s and Two Parters, Monday night there were two rose ceremonies.

 

 

The Bachelor Valentine’s Day Special: Love, Marriage, and Babies

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Where are they now?

It’s a Valentine’s Day special! There’s always talk aflutter about how unlikely it is for people to find love on The Bachelor. While the odds are slim to none, love does happen more often than you might think. Here is a short list of Bachelor/ettes that have found love, marriage, and babies on and off the show.

JP and Ashley

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My favorite couple, JP Rosenbaum and Ashley Hebert, are continuing to rock life with a new son. They welcomed a new addition to their family, Fordham Rhys Rosenbaum, on September 30, 2014 and since that day her Instagram account has been sprinkled, I’m sorry, covered, with the new baby. JP tweeted an adorable accusation that Ashley was hogging time with the little tyke. Ashley finished dental school and the couple, along with their adorable dog, Boo, moved from New Jersey to Miami.

Des and Chris

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[Photo credit: US Magazine] Desiree Hartsock and Chris Siegfreid tied the knot secretly without the ABC fanfare. Wedding gown designer, Des, had a bit of help with her gown and reception dress. She co-designed the romantic, vintage dresses with Maggie Sotterro. Her ring is a 4-karat stunner from who other than Neil Lane. US Magazine had the scoop and wedding album slideshow.

Emily maynard and Tyler Johnson

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Fashionista and Season 8’s Bachelorette, Emily Maynard is pregnant! Who is the proud dad? Tyler Johnson, a man from her hometown who she met at church, proposed to Emily (and Ricki). They got married June 7, 2014 and announced they were pregnant a short six months later in early January 2015. Little 9-year-old Ricki who has been Emily’s whole world is getting a sibling.

DeAnna pappas and stephen Stagliano

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DeAnna Pappas and Stephen Stagliano who were married in 2011, welcomed baby girl, Addison Marie Stagliano, on February 6, 2014. Parading their now 1-year-old daughter around on the live red carpet premiere of this season’s Bachelor, Deanna and Stephen are happily parenting.

Jillian harris and Justin Pasutto

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Jillian Harris, Season 5 of The Bachelorette, interior designer, blogger, and current host of Love it or List it, Vancouver, is happily dating former professional snowboarder, Justin Pasutto. Her Instagram is covered with photos of them enjoying time by the lake. Justin is very supportive of Jillian’s endeavors. They are still enjoying time dating, but I have a sneaking suspicion they may be the next couple to put a ring on it. POPSUGAR did an exclusive interview with Jillian on her relationship with the self-proclaimed scrubcaptain and this is what they had to say.

Molly Malaney and Jason Mesnick

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Mommy blogger, Molly Malaney married Jason Mesnick on February 27, 2010. They celebrated their baby girl Riley’s first birthday in March of 2014. They live in Kirkland, WA (near the Seattle-based and now married couple Desiree Hartsock and Chris Siegfried! Who were at Riley’s first birthday).

It’s judgment time!!

 

The Bachelor – Chris Full Recap Week 5 [Part 2] and Week 6

This week left some unsolved mysteries. 1. Ashley I.’s mascara is still intact even after crying every episode. 2. Britt’s hair looks like she’s modeling for a Suave commercial even though she does not shower. 3. Samantha. These are the things I wonder about.

Things we did learn this week: Ashley I. has her masters degree. Kelsey might be crazier than zombie hunter Ashley S. And Megan’s still dancing by herself.

This week tied together the loose ends from last week’s To Be Continued episode. Mackenzie and Samantha were sent home and the remaining women traveled to South Dakota for a whole new slew of dates, including the epic two-on-one. 

Who got kicked off: Mackenzie and Samantha were sent home as part of last week’s rose ceremony. Ashley I. (aka Princess Jasmine, Kardashley) and Kelsey were sent home on the most epic two-on-one date ever.

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I think most of the tears this season belonged to Ashley I. and I’m going to miss Princess Jasmine.

The claws are out. And it is everyone vs Kelsey. Kelsey faked a panic attack to ensure a rose. As she was having her panic attack, she asked for Chris. Chivalrous man he is, he tried to calm her down. Afterward she seemed completely fine and was even laughing about it to the other ladies. It was weird.

Quote of the Night: “I wanted to punch her in the teeth holder. It’s not about your sad story anymore. It’s about you being a terrible human being.” – Kaitlyn

I like Kaitlyn.

“Samantha had terrible things that have happened to her that have shaped who she is but she didn’t use it to get a rose.” – Becca. I also like Becca.

After the rose ceremony where Mackenzie and Samantha were sent home, the group traveled to Deadwood, South Dakota. 

“I’m with 8 other wonderful charming women…and Kelsey will be here too.” – Carly. I heard a rumor Carly is the next bachelorette. I don’t read the spoilers, but there has been some buzz.

Another weird conversation with Kelsey happened where she felt she deserved the one-on-one because she had worked hard for it. Apparently telling a dude you have a dead husband earns you a one-on-one date. Just letting you know. 

The ladies finally let Kelsey have it. Carly led the battle cry. It just gave Kelsey another opportunity to turn on the water works and go into another diatribe. Something something something. I’m the best. Crazy. Legit crazy. I’m not even gonna let you guys vote on that one, because there is no question. There’s not enough alcohol in the world to excuse away that crazy. So glad she’s a guidance counselor. Run kids!

One-on-One: Let’s give love a shot,” said the date card. Finally, Becca from San Diego got the one-on-one. She must have grabbed Chris’ attention with her sweet mannerisms. “She’s the only one I haven’t kissed,” Chris said. Ah-ha! Breaking her away from the herd huh?

Becca and Chris had an adorable date. They shot cans off of a log. Turns out Becca’s a pretty great shot. They cozied up by the fire and Becca pointed out Chris’ adorable laugh. And they finally kissed! Basically they were adorable together and need to get married asap.

Group Date: Whitney, Jade, Britt, Kaitlyn, Carly, Megan

The group date made everyone write their own country music song. Big and Rich showed up to help the gang. You know them from their epic Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy song that you will never be able to get out of your head now. You’re welcome.

Everyone seemed okay with writing their own music, especially Cruise Ship Singer Carly (this is her jam!), except for Jade. Big Kenny took Jade out on a run down Deerwood to get out of her head. It worked because Jade’s song was pretty solid.

Another Awkward Chris Moment: Chris stole Britt away without telling the other ladies and took her to a Big and Rich concert. He had already made things awkward earlier in the day when he had his hands all over Britt while the girls were in the same area trying to write love songs about him. He’s not great with the dating multiple women thing.

The girls noticed there was no rose on the date. That’s because Chris took Britt, who hates country music (and showers), to a Big and Rich concert. He gave her the rose on stage. THEN waltzed back into the group date hand-in-hand with Britt.

His opening line: “How is everybody?”

Nice. Well done, Chris. You have a way with the words. Then he left everyone on the date to duck out. Whitney confirmed that the girls had been waiting for over an hour for Britt and Chris to return. Were you taking another nap, Britt?

Two-on-One: Ashley I. vs Kelsey. Virgin vs Widow in the Badlands of South Dakota. Who will come out on top? Each were weirdly confident.

In the Badlands, ABC had a day bed just hanging out, naturally.

Ashley I. threw Kelsey under the bus, telling Chris Kelsey doesn’t get along with the other women in the house. Chris threw Ashley I. under the bus because he didn’t know how to go fishing for answers. Kelsey played the it’s a difference in maturity card. And threw in a very creepy I know what you did last summer stare for good measure. Your move, Kardashley. Cue waterworks. Just to prove Kelsey wrong, in true mature fashion, she dramatically pulled Chris aside crying. It was then he let her go.

While I’m sad to see Kardashley go, it was time. For the sake of her mascara, she needed to go home. It’s best for everyone.

As Chris explained that to Kelsey back on the day bed, naturally, Kelsey went all guidance counselor on him until he also let her go.

The best part was when Chris climbed in his helicopter and left Kelsey and Ashley I. to duke it out in this wide expanse of land followed by a cut to the ladies back at the hotel popping bottles in celebration of Kelsey’s departure.

Tweets of the Night:

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week5_4Big and Rich were right. There are such distinct personalities, and Chris is bringing them home to Iowa. We’ll see how some of these ladies fair living on the farmland.

Next week starting Sunday is a two day event! Sunday night will be the rest of this week’s rose ceremony and then the gang is going to Iowa!! We’ll see how the girls actually shape up to living in a small town. Sunday 8|7c and Monday 8|7c.

The Bachelor Chris – Full Recap Week 5 [Part 1]

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They’re on the move! The group headed to Santa Fe, New Mexico. That’s the new part of Mexico, not the old part, if you’re following Megan’s geography.

“Megan’s not playing with a full deck,” my dear friend Bevin reported. No, no she’s not. But I like Megan’s deck. Here is what we’ve established about Megan as of now. She cannot name all five senses, and she thinks New Mexico is outside of the US.

Who got kicked off: No one this week, because ABC left it to be continued as Kelsey faked a panic attack to secure a rose.

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One-on-One: This may have been the most awkward date yet. Or at least awkward to watch. Carly and Chris seemed to have a great time. Cruise Ship Singer Carly finally got a one-on-one date with a sex therapist. Yes, you read that correctly. Carly sat on Chris’ lap, they fondled each other and weirdly huffed into each others mouths but not kissing. Until finally the therapist person lady gave them permission to have at it. Carly said she’s never had a guy reciprocate her feelings. Her last boyfriend didn’t want to get physical. Chris said, “I want to get to know more about her.” I feel every time Chris says that he seems to try to find it inside the girls’ mouth.

Group Date: Kelsey, dark haired girl no one knows (Samantha), Ashley I. the crier, Tenessee blonde (Whitney), crazy Canadian Kaitlin, playboy bunny Jade, Becca from San Diego, single mom Mackenzie

The group went to the Rio Grande River for white water rafting. After the guide went over all of the possible ways they could die or get some crazy disease, Jade fell in the freezing cold water. We found out there’s this abnormal disorder where a person’s body can go into hypothermia at normal temps. They wrapped her in blankets. Jade took it like a champ and earned a foot massage from Chris.

Kelsey is struggling with the fact she’s not someone else’s whole world. she’s not getting her attention, and she is making it known.

Surprise! Our fun-loving, bathroom twerking, drunky Jordan crashed the group date and said she wasn’t comfortable leaving without Chris knowing anything about her. So apparently The Bachelor is now all come back whenever you want. Does rejection mean nothing anymore? Rose shmoses! Veto power is the new rose!

After brining her back for a hot second and getting rained on by the other ladies who were less than pleased, Chris let Jordan go AGAIN.

IMG_3403One-on-One: Britt got the date, freaked out because it indicated heights were involved and then was completely fine when she saw it was a hot air balloon. We found out she doesn’t shower, sleeps in full make-up and still gets her hair gorgeous. Seriously, though, how does that happen? Chris woke her up at 4:30am, and then tells the producers she looks just as good waking up as she does during the day. Yeah, that’s how I look too – full make up, sparkle eyeshadow and bright red lipstick. It’s the all natural look. I don’t know about you, but that’s exactly how I look waking up in the morning, but more radiant and with forest animals dressing me. Puh-lease. And someone please restore my faith in men and say that not all dudes think that is how ladies wake up at 4:30am?

Awkward Alert:  Carly, who as you’ll remember, just had her sex therapist date, was in the same room as Britt when Chris woke Britt up  with kisses. Chris is not great at this dating multiple women thing. Hide that ish.

Gossip: Some of the girls said Britt loved being single and was not in any rush to get married and have kids.

Quote of the night: “This date started in bed and ended in bed.” – Chris

Alright, Chris. Let’s take the ho status down a notch. To recap, so far his gifts to Britt have included a note for a free kiss and the offer to stay in a hotel bed. Britt needs to take some of those back and specify what constitutes a nice gift.

Then she went back and told the girls, “We took a nap.”

Kelsey decided that was it, she needed to tell her tragic, amazing, inspiring (her words not mine) story to Chris. She found him in his hotel room.

Whitney, Carly and Brit had roses going into the ceremony.

So many cliches spouted from Kelsey’s lips about her husband Sanderson followed by…

Quote of the Night: “And it means I have to say goodbye to people and I’m not going, but we’re gonna have to say goodbye to some people.” I just. *heavy sigh*

Chris decided to forego the cocktail party and Kelsey faked a panic attack.

The two-on-ones are back!! The most awkward dates!! The awkward third wheel. The best date of all.

Tweets of the Night:

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The Bachelor Chris – Quick Recap Week 5

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What we learned this episode: Brit wakes up in full make-up, glowing despite not showering. Chris announced there was no cocktail party, and no one was sent home this week…yet. Unless you count Jordan, who came back for a second chance after being sent home weeks ago, because apparently roses mean nothing anymore. And we still don’t know who the heck Samantha is.

So don’t update those Bachelor brackets just yet. ABC left it to be continued as Kelsey went Gone Girl on us (shout out to my friends Bevin and Robert for making this revelation) and had a panic attack on the floor.

Who got kicked off: No one, yet.

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Full recap to follow.

Now what do you think?

The Bachelor Chris – Full Recap Week 4

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Watering holes, nudity and a farewell to Ashley S., zombie hunter and non-sequitur extraordinaire. It’s the tent episode! (In honor of Ashley S. don’t forget to play Drunk or Legit Crazy.)

Who got kicked off: And tonight we say farewell to our most entertaining bachelorette. Ashley S. was finally sent home. As was Jillian, Juelia, and Nikki.

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Group Date: Kaitlyn, Ashley S, Ashley I, Megan, Mackenzie, Kelsey

The date card read: “Let’s do what feels natural.”

Obviously you know what that means…more bikinis! The group took a road trip to a lake with tanning chairs. That’s it. They just hung out by a lake. Jasmine (Ashley I.) took her top off. Kaitlyn took her bottoms off. And Kelsey was not about that. I know people are gonna hate because I’m not rolling with the punches, but I’m with Kelsey on this one. This girl was not made for camping. And just as Kelsey’s having the most miserable time of her life, she gets to find out that it will continue through the night! Pitch a tent and get comfortable, we’re going camping. Poor girl.

Quote of the Night:

“I’m a camping virgin and I’m also a virgin camping.” – Well played, Princess Jasmine.

One-on-One:

This one-on-one had a twist. Chris’ three sisters stopped by the mansion to vet their possible sister-in-laws. They basically had one-on-one interviews with each of the girls who weren’t on the group date camping out by the lake. So pretty much a lose-lose all around. You either got to rough it at a watering hole, or get grilled by, not one, but THREE sister-in-laws. I don’t know about you, but those sound like a ton of fun. Turns out Jade made the best first impression. She let the sisters know she launched her own organic make-up company (free shameless plug!) and that she “modeled for clothing for awhile.” …and did playboy bunny. Did you forget to mention that part, Jade?

Meanwhile, back at the lake, the girls are playing red rover in their bathing suits with Chris. And you thought it couldn’t get worse.

Jade’s date consisted of an entire free plug for the new Cinderella movie (which looks amazing btw, sans caterpillar eyebrows on practically all of the characters). Jade had a fairy godmother come in to help her pick out a gown appropriate for a ball, along with obnoxiously big diamond jewelry and fancy shoes.

Meanwhile back at the lake, Kaitlyn got the rose and promptly announced “And I’m drunk,” and Jasmine got it on in the tent with Chris. She told him she’s inexperienced and alluded to the fact she is a virgin but didn’t say it outright.

On Jade’s date, she revealed to Chris she had been engaged when she was 21. She had met her ex-fiance in her home town of Nebraska. Jade and Chris bonded over the fact Chris had also been previously engaged. He gave her a rose.

Group Date: For this date, they set up a mud run type obstacle course. Chris, the chivalrous man that he is, announced to the producers, “I stayed behind to help with anyone who needed it. Those dresses were hard to maneuver in.” …as he’s ripping the dress off of one of the ladies. Mmmhmm, so helpful.

This date was designed for Jillian. She won by a mile. She was probably so anxious to get out and run seeing as she hasn’t lifted in a month (aside from small children, tables, and the other ladies in the house). As part of her winnings, she went on a one-on-one date with Chris. Chris sent her home. Is there a rule that you have to pick up the rose on the table, just to be like, “Psyche! Not today! Better luck next time?” Because Chris picked up the rose and then told Jillian he wasn’t going to give it to her. Then awkwardly put it back on the table. Oof.

Cocktail Party:

Shocker. Megan couldn’t name all 5 senses. After blindfolding Chris to do some weird taste test thing, she couldn’t even name all of the senses it was supposed to heighten. I just. Megan.

Double shocker. Jasmine (Ashley I.) is real hung up on letting Chris know she’s a virgin. He said he respected it. She broke down for some reason anyway, blurted it out to all the girls in the house because apparently this is something that is a really big deal. And then we got to find out Becca (from San Diego!) was also a virgin.

Carly in response to finding out Ashley I. was a virgin: “…which shocked me because I’ve seen her kiss Chris like 13,000 times.”

Triple shocker. Frontrunner Britt ruined a good thing and broke the cardinal rule of NOT talking about other girls on the date. She gave Chris a sit-down and asked why he was giving roses to certain people. Every season! we learn don’t talk about the other ladies! And better yet, don’t reprimand the guy you’re trying to date.

And then the saddest moment of all happened when Ashley S. was finally let go. I have to say I enjoyed trying to decipher her conversations and what all was happening in that head of hers. I will say her zombie fighting skills were unmatched by any other.

Final Quote of the Night: “I feel nothing. I’m actually not upset at all. I have no feelings.” – Ashley S.

Next week on The Bachelor, 11 ladies are headed to Sante Fe with our farmer in waiting, and maybe we’ll finally get to figure out who the heck Samantha is. Until then, Bachelor fans, I leave you with this.

And this.

Tweets of the Night:

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The Bachelor Chris: Week 3 Full Recap

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Jimmy Kimmel crashed the party this week, basically ousting Chris Harrison as the host and 3rd wheeling it on the dates. He also brought his observation that the word “amazing” was just slightly overused in the house and promptly instilled a dollar jar for every time the word was uttered. We were also blessed with a counter every time someone was caught saying it on the episode.

Who got kicked off: The one’s with red X’s were sent home. Amber, Tracy, and Trina. 

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One-on-One: The first one-on-one of the week went to firecracker Kaitlyn. Her date card was unusually straight forward this time around. It said there would be unlimited appetizers and soaring views. A limo came to pick Kaitlyn up and whisked her and Chris off to…Costco. A-mazing. AND not only did they score a date to Costco, but they got a triple date with Jimmy Kimmel. And got to roll around in this.

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Jimmy Kimmel gave them a list of things to get for a dinner party they would be hosting for him. At the dinner party Kaitlyn got red lipstick all up on Chris and told him she had a man’s laugh and he had a girls laugh. And it was love.

When Jimmy asked Kaitlyn how she felt about Chris in the fantasy suite with other ladies, she said, “You can’t take a car out without test driving it.” So that’s Kaitlyn.

Group Date: Becca, Jillian, Kelsey, Mackenzie, Ashley S., Juelia, Amber, Jade, Carly, Tracy, Nikki

This group date was a farming challenge. Basically all things Jimmy Kimmel thinks happens on a farm. Pretty sure it had nothing to do with what Chris actually does on a day-to-day basis, but it was great nonetheless. The race included corn shucking, drinking unpasteurized goat’s milk, scooping manure, fetching chicken eggs, and wrangling a greased pig. We saw a lot of Jillian on this date. And mostly her backside. Jillian hopped the fence to the pig pen in an epic slow-motion, action movie way.

But it was Cruise Ship Singer Carly that won! And yet it was Becca that got the rose and is still one of the few ladies to NOT have kissed Chris.

One-on-One: Whitney got the next one-on-one at a vineyard, and her and Chris had the great impromptu idea of crashing a wedding. Spoiler alert. They both were equally terrible at crashing a wedding. Creating a back story and just any and all things involved with crashing a wedding were just not their fortay. For pete’s sake there’s a movie on it. When crashing a wedding, don’t make friends with the wedding party. It’s called incognito. Get on board. Also, don’t have a pow-wow with the bride and groom’s parents.

Pool Party #2 or The Cocktail Party that Wasn’t

There was a scandalous make-out session on a bed with an ex-playboy bunny (Jade). There were tears. There was plotting. That’s probably my favorite part – when a small group of girls, generally around 2 or 3 all huddle and announce that they’re going to steal Chris away from some other chick. And then they talk about it some more and get the approval of the other girls and then give a couple “Okay, okay I’m gonna do it”‘s before finally making their way as awkwardly as possible to break up the party. This episode I’m referring to Ashley I. and Mackenzie trying to steal Chris away from Jillian in the hot tub. Ashley I. broke down in tears at one point and then again when finally talking to Chris. Then she swallowed his face again in an intense make-out session.

But to start the party Juelia thought this was the best time to pull Chris aside and tell her about her really deep past. Talk about a mood killer. You could see it on Chris’s face. He was like, I’m trying so hard to listen to you right now but all I can think about are the 17 other girls in bikinis with drinks in the water right now, probably playing chicken. And dammit, what was she saying. Concentrate. Look concerned. Ah! Tears! Why are there tears?

Dude, Jueles, there’s a time and a place for that. Not the time. And certainly not the place. Definitely an important part of you, but not at a pool party.

Three more girls who we didn’t even have a chance to get to know left, taking us down to 15 ladies!

Jimmy also left the mansion in true Bachelor style – limo rolling out in the cover of night with the music playing, tears streaming down his cheeks, and talking to a hidden cameraman behind-the-scenes, crying, “We spent 4 days together!”

Next episode I hope we discover what happened in that tent they keep teasing, because it looks like plenty more tears are happening and Chris might finally get called out on his kissing frenzy.

EXTRA: Des and Chris are MARRIED! According to Chris Harrison’s blog, Desiree from season 9 of The Bachelorette and adorable baseball player Chris got married sans the televised production (much to ABC’s dismay I’m assuming). And as I’m sure you’ve already read Josh and Andi broke up like the day after the LIVE red carpet event for this season’s premiere.

The Bachelor Chris – Week 3 Quick Recap

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 Jimmy Kimmel made a guest appearance this week, waking Chris in his underwear and smartly planting a $1 “Amazing” jar in the girls’ mansion. We’re gonna be rich! Why Jimmy Kimmel you ask? Jimmy Kimmel has been incorporating Bachelor jokes into his comedy bits for a long time, but the best might have been a spoof he did with his nephew as Baby Bachelor. If you haven’t seen the video series, I’ll leave the first for you here.

Who got kicked off: The one with red X’s were sent home this week. AmberTracy, and Trina. Exactly. No one even remembers which ones those were.

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15 ladies left! And Ashley S. makes it another round! Likely because she didn’t get much airtime trying to compete with Jillian’s booty –really keeping those censorship workers in business. Full recap to follow! Until then enjoy this pictures of Jimmy and Chris Harrison bonding with the ladies in the mansion.

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The Bachelor Chris – Week 2 Full Recap

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This episode was just one big free for all. Chris Harrison was like, “There are no rules!” Do whatever you want! You want to twerk in the bathroom? You twerk in the bathroom. You want to ride around on tractors in your bathing suit? You ride around on tractors in your bathing suit. You want to go around and kill zombies. You get those zombies.

Who got kicked off: Technically, Kimberly was supposed to go home last week. But she came back, Chris gave her a second chance, and politely let her go a second time. Alissa the flight attendant, Jordan our resident twerker, Tandra, and Tara are out.

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Chris informed the girls that other Chris would be living in close quarters, easily accessible just down the road, convenient for late-night rendezvous.  

Ladies and gentlemen, we have our first spies. Jillian and one of the blonde chicks (Megan) do what any respectable Bachelorette contestant (or girlfriend in general) would do and snooped through Chris’ stuff while he was on a date.

Group Date: Trina, Alissa, Tracey, Jillian, Becca, Amber, Ashley S, Juelia, Kaitlyn, Brit

And the first date was…a pool party of course! I don’t know why I was so surprised by that. The sooner they can get the gang in bathing suites, the better. And why not keep them in their bathing suits for, you guessed it, a tractor race down the streets of LA. Because that sounds fun. Tractors are not fast vehicles. Ashley I. won the snail race and was rewarded with some one-on-one time with Chris.

Quote of the night: “I’m more Kardashian than I am country.” – Ashley I.

Mackenzie got some one-on-one time with Chris as well. “I think it’s sweet in a way,” one of the girls said in reference to Mackenzie getting one-on-one time while the rest of the ladies went back to the mansion. No you don’t. Don’t lie. Our single mom, Mackenzie, was able to tell Chris about her son. She also was able to let Chris know that she likes dudes with prominent noses and aliens. These women are really rocking the first date talk.

Chris: “The fact that she’s talking about aliens on the first date does raise a few red flags for me.” Just a few, Chris? And he gave her the rose on the date.

Meanwhile back at the mansion…

Jordan is twerking it and drunky drunk all day long. Open bar!

Juelia is telling her sad story and reveals she’s the second widow. Reminder: Kelsey is the other one.

megandateOne-on-One: Chris took Megan on a helicopter ride to the Grand Canyon where she revealed her father had just recently passed away. She also revealed that there’s not a lot going on upstairs.

Second Group Date: Chris took them to kill zombies with paintball guns. And this is where Ashley S. has a break with reality. She went World War Z on the town, shooting zombies already on the ground, walking out with purpose in her step and crazy on the brain. She also awkwardly interrupted Chris’ interview with the producers and gave profound life insight: “You don’t want to lose the whole world, but you don’t want to gain the whole world.” I really think something just wasn’t clicking in her brain. But good news, he kept her around, so we should find out more next episode!

On the group date Chris stole some one-one-one time with Brit, the one he gave the first impression rose to and locked lips with the first night. Chris gave her a “gift.” Ladies, this is not a gift. If a guy gives you a note that says, “Free kiss from Chris to Brit,” give it back. You know what’s a good gift, Chris? Earrings. Flowers. A trip to Mexico.

They made out. But that make out session did little to secure Brit a rose on the group date. The rose on the group date went to…Kaitlyn with the tricep tats.

The number of times Chris has called Kaitlyn a firecracker: 2

At the cocktail party

Ashley I. reveals she is the virgin Chris Harrison told us about. Surprise! She’s also, apparently, a genie. She had a two-piece, Jasmine-from-Alladin looking dress on with a belly button ring and told Chris he got 3 wishes if he rubbed. her. belly button. ring. That’s weird. His wish is for them to make out. Because that seems to be the only thing on his mind. And by make out, I mean Ashley is going to swallow his face. Princess Jasmine, Kim Kardashian, a genie, a virgin – I’m just so confused on what to believe.

Most Embarrassing Moment of the Night: Actually, maybe in Bachelor history. Jillian thought Chris called her name at the rose ceremony. He didn’t. Well, Jillian started making her way toward Chris and tripped on the carpet. It was amazing. Also, my question for the group. What does Jillian bench press at the house? Tables? Small children? The other ladies?

Tweets of the night:

chrisweek2 chrisweek2_2

Tonight, January 19th, Jimmy Kimmel makes an appearance on The Bachelor!

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