All You Need to Know About The Bachelor in Paradise Without Having to Watch

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It’s week 3 of ABC’s new show and Bachelor Pad replacement, Bachelor in Paradise. Essentially it is The Bachelor Pad without the cash at the end. I know you have all been dying to know what’s been happening and the latest developments. So I’ve put together a few bullets and a bonus recap of week 2 (because you CANNOT miss that one) to save you 6 hours of television greatness and to wow your friends with your Bachelor in Paradise knowledge.

Credit: ABC.com

How it works

Similar to Bachelor Pad but without the dough, Bachelor in Paradise is about coupling up and finding the love of your life as a revolving door of hot, eligible bachelors and bachelorettes join and exit the island.

Location: Mexico

Dates: Each week either the men or women are in charge of handing out the roses at the rose ceremony, determining who gets to stay on the island and who is packing their bags home. Random date cards are handed out to individuals on the island who get to choose who they want to bring along and have one-on-one time with outside of the island resort.

Roses: The roses are supposed to signify a person’s desire to get to know the other. Each week they alternate between the remaining group of guys and girls to hand out the roses at the rose ceremony.

The Twist: Each week more bachelors and bachelorettes join the island, keeping the pickings fresh and opening more possibilities for love (and heartbreak).

The Cast: For a complete list of bachelor/ettes to enter and exit the island, visit ABC’s site here.

BONUS WEEK 2 RECAP

If you only watch one episode, watch week 2. It might be the best thing you do all summer.

It starts with the best reenactment on reality television ever produced.

The Reenactment: Beginning with an interview with one of the crew members, we find out the real reason Michelle K. voluntarily left after the first episode of the season. I mean we all assumed she was crazy, but apparently she had a little fling going on with one of the crew members, which is a big no-no in Bachelor land. It guarantees you a ticket home and a pink slip…and in this case, two broken feet.

What Happened: Michelle K. was fooling around with this crew member when Chris Harrison knocked on her door. The crew member, Ryan Putz, got spooked and fearing for his job rushed out to the balcony. Misjudging the drop to the ground, he jumped, breaking both feet. At the time he was making his leap of faith, another crew member was escorting Elise to the show’s psychiatrist. Pause.

Two takeaways from this exchange: 1) They have an on-site psychiatrist because that’s how much this show can mess you up. And 2) That dude jumped off of a balcony because he’d rather risk an injury than get caught with Michelle K.

And we’re back. So he was caught, sent to the hospital, and he admitted on camera what had happened. The crew member who found him and was narrating the reenactment started to chuckle as she was relaying the encounter. And that is the story behind why Michelle K. took herself off of the show.

Elise and Dylan: The rest of the episode was composed of interviews with Elise talking about her love for Dylan and the “bump in their relationship.” That “bump” would be her make-out session in the ocean with Chris Bukowski, after Dylan told her they should both meet other people on the island, because he did not want to be shackled with Elise. There were so many cliches mixed in with her speeches, it was difficult to keep up.

Then! Then! At the end of the episode, Elise offered the rose to Dylan despite him specifically telling her (on more than one occasion) that he would not accept it! Dylan refused it and Elise made a speech to the entire cast. No one knew what she was saying and exchanged uncomfortable glances and suppressed smiles. She rambled on for a good 5 minutes. At one point, the lines from your typical wedding vows, “to have and to hold in sickness and in health,” popped in there. It was beyond fantastic. And the whole time Dylan stood awkwardly by her side, waiting for her to finish. Then after all of that Dylan did not get a rose from another girl and was sent home. It was amazing.

Please read Possessionista’s recap of the premiere. It’s on the money.

Everything Else You Need to Know:

Ben left because he had a girlfriend back home. Surprise, surprise. I never liked that guy when he was on The Bachelorette and I still don’t like him.

Marquel is getting all the ladies. He’s been on at least 3 dates so far – Michelle Money, Danielle Ronco, and Jackie Parr. This last episode he chose to give his rose to Jackie.

The bachelor/ette contestants refer to living life on the island as YOPO. That’s right. YOPO. You Only Paradise Once. Yup.

Can someone please find us an interpreter for Elise because I have no idea if these are sentences she is stringing together or if they’re real words or if she’s stealing lines from television shows? It’s concerning.

Elise’s speech: “Dylan and I can overcome this storm. I as a woman deserve 100 percent and a man that’s gonna fight for her. I know that you know that life brings a lot of ups and downs…” Nevermind. Got it. It’s cliches.

AshLee Frazier has laid claim to Graham Bunn and Graham is not about that.

Lacy paired up with Robert, then immediately kicked him to the curb when Marcus gave her a rose at the first rose ceremony and has been batting creepy, love eyes to Marcus ever since. Robert’s still just chilling.

Clare’s still going on about finding a guy exactly like her dad. In essence, it hasn’t changed a bit since the time she was on Juan Pablo’s season. She’s coupled up with Zach, but Zach is all about meeting new people.

Michelle Money and Sarah Herron have yet to find a connection with one of the guys on the island.

Chris Bukowski is back and hasn’t changed a bit. Still a womanizing man whore, he went after Elise, because he sensed she was the weakest link and his best shot at staying on the island. Then he popped his knee right before his date with Elise. After a visit to the doctor, it was decided he would have to leave paradise. Karma’s cruel, Chris.

WEEK 3 HIGHLIGHTS

Chris Bukowski gave his rose to Michelle Money because he thought she deserved to find love. Then he asked Elise to leave with him because his knee injury meant he could no longer be on the island. Elise took the bait and after only knowing him for 3 days? (1 day? An hour? Unimportant. Love has no timeline. ), she agreed to run off with him living happily ever after. There’s no way that “relationship” lasts outside of the limo ride home. My conspiracy theory is the producers used Chris as a scapegoat to get Elise outta there and preserve some form of decency associated with the Elise name.

There is no way this show makes it another season, but I have to say I am pleasantly entertained. How are you feeling about it so far, Bachelor Fans?

 

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The Bachelorette Andi: Season Finale Recap! And an Inside Look at the Fantasy Suite

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Welp. The secret’s out. Apparently more than just “talking” and “getting to know each other” happens in the Fantasy Suite. And Nick took that dirty laundry out. to. dry. Great, thanks, Nick, for ruining the mystery of the Fantasy Suite for me.

That’s right Andi’s sex life was on blast last night. At least 3 different occasions it came up. First by Nick. Then by Andi herself and then her fiance. Spoiler alert: Andi chooses Josh and Josh’s lie (from way back when) was that he prefers blondes. Don’t worry Andi assured us she has a blonde wig to ameliorate this situation. Josh made a crack that they were trying to have kids, after Andi put those pregnancy rumors…to bed.  

Speaking of, those babies are going to be ridiculously attractive. I mean just look at them. IMG_0714

Who does she choose? If you haven’t guessed by now, the winner of Season 10‘s The Bachelorette is baseball-loving, tall, dark, and handsome man Josh who professed his love for Andi, picked out a honkin’ rock, got down on one knee, and proposed.

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Meet the parents! Before Andi made her final pick, the men got to meet the family. After the Fantasy Suite dates, they’re all still in the Dominican Republic, wearing muumuus and sipping tropical drinks. Andi’s fam bam got a nice vacation out to the islands. The boys met Andi’s dad (Sidenote: his name is Hy. How great is that?), Andi’s mom Patti, and Andi’s sister. Let’s see how the two fellas stacked up.

Nick expressed how much he loved Andi and made Patti tear up. Point for Nick. Andi told her sister that Nick can take one look at her and really see her. She also talked about how passionate and romantic he was. Dad time: Nick sat down with Andi’s dad and asked for his permission to marry Andi citing, “There’s a connection with your daughter that I don’t know what it is.” Great, that’s very helpful Nick. The dad was supportive of their union.

Josh: Upon greeting him, Andi called him “Babe.” Point for Josh. Andi’s dad said on first impression, “This guy doesn’t have a prayer.” Point for Dad. Andi admitted to her family that upon initially meeting Josh, she had stereotyped him and written him off as just like the previous men she had dated. However Josh surprised her every time she would challenge him and he would step up and share deeper connections. Dad time: Andi’s dad told Josh, “You have my blessing. The only thing you need to worry about is hers.”

Last Dates: After meeting the family, each of the dudes got one last date with Andi. Andi took Josh on a yacht on the Carribbean. It was supposed to be reminiscent of their first date of sailing across the Mediterranean. They like their seas. And baseball. Did I mention Josh likes baseball? You mean to tell me that’s irrelevant here? Oh, I just wanted to make sure you knew.

Josh gave Andi what other than her very own baseball card! Which I know it’s another baseball-themed thing, but I loved it. (I’m also biased because baseball is my favorite sport. And I’m not just saying that because dudes like Josh, Chris Siegfried, and Roberto come from the sport. Though it helps.)

The Murrays Baseball Card: Josh made Andi her very own baseball card! Adorbs. Not only that, but he put Andi’s last name as his own and wrote her a letter about wanting to make her his wife. A cute part of the baseball card was that it had fun facts. One of which was that “Josh has never gone a day without saying I love you to Andi.”

Nick’s Date: The pair went off-roading to a lagoon. They had snacks and swam in the water. Back at the hotel, they had champagne and Nick had difficulty expressing what he was thinking, talking in stilted sentences. Andi kept trying to reassure him not to be nervous. Nick gave her a necklace with a bottle of sand from one of their dates. Nick is always thinking and analyzing, but said he could turn it off when he was with Andi. Then he brought up his Debbie Downer feelings about his last engagement, where he woke up that day and knew something wasn’t right.

Cut to Josh picking out rings. A huge, honkin’ ring, which according to WetPaint is worth a whopping $100k.

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There is a voiceover of Andi explaining the things she likes about each of the final two men standing. She describes feelings of giddiness when she’s with Josh, and the struggle between her heart and her brain because she wants to believe he’s not like the previous professional athletes she’s dated. With Nick she describes their relationship as passionate, both on an intellectual level and a physical connection.

There is a knock on Nick’s door. It’s supposed to be from Neil Lane so Nick can pick out a ridiculously huge diamond ring. But no. It’s Andi. Dun dun dun dun. Cut to live studio audience and a huge collective gasp. Sidenote: Can I just express how much I hate that we pan back to the studio audience now, especially when we have to listen to the fan favorite’s give their moot opinions? It might be worse than the Suave commercials. Or the bleachable moments. I can’t decide. Poll below.

Fan Favorites: No one cares. Claire, my least favorite person on last season’s show, got to say a couple words and shocker somehow made it about her. Drew got to give his insight on the whole thing. I had forgotten about Drew and that adorable smile. And what’s that? Michelle Money is back. Of course she is. That girl just doesn’t leave. And good news. We’ll get all that cray cray on Bachelor in Paradise! Woot woot!

Alright, back to the show. Andi told Nick, “I woke up and felt something wasn’t right.” That’s not fair, Andi. That’s not the same thing. Don’t try to spin his words and use that as your out. So context: Nick had told Andi the night before that when he was engaged previously, he woke up one morning and knew that something wasn’t right, not on his end, but that he sensed something was up with his future wife. Andi is trying to use that same logic for her reasoning of why she’s breaking up with him. Andi, you knew you were in love with Josh. It’s not like you knew something wasn’t right.

“When did you start feeling like this?” He asked her. She skirted the question but did tell Nick that one of the reasons she was not choosing him was that there was so much intensity between them and she pictured their life as them overanalyzing every single moment. Nick was crushed. He had so much trouble getting out the words. “When I told you I loved you, I don’t know how you can look at me the way you did and reacted the way that you did. When we were in the water and I said I love you you said, ‘I wish I could say things back.’”

Needs to Happen: Maybe the self-proclaimed @Overanalyst Jenna Burke (also known as the crier from Ben Flajnik’s Season 16 of The Bachelor) and Nick should get together. Done. Just call me a matchmaker. Then they could have overanalytical children that make up strategy for Andi and Josh’s baseball children. Did I mention Josh plays baseball?

Andi could have used the I-feel-stronger-about-this-person excuse that most bachelor/ettes use. Nick told her that he hoped she was “a million percent sure.” That’s a lot of sures, Nick.

Men Tell All Flashback: Chris Harrison let us know that after the break up Nick had tried several times, unsuccessfully, to see Andi. Behind-the-scenes of Men Tell All was one of those times. What you didn’t see was that Nick came to see her. ABC also interviewed Nick’s mom, which was heart crushing. The poor kid got rejected twice after he’d gotten to a point of engagement with two ladies. That can’t be a picnic. Chris Harrison, the mediator (one of his many roles on the show), asked Andi if she wanted to see Nick. She said it wasn’t the right time. So Nick politely gave Chris a letter to give Andi and left. I was secretly hoping the letter was the storybook Part II. Alas, we will never know.

After the Final Rose

Andi and Nick finally came face-to-face and sh*! went down.

Andi was immediately on her guard, stone-faced and cold to Nick. Nick was heartbroken and trying to keep it together. Then Nick disarmed Andi by thanking her for helping him find that love again and for the way she made him feel. Then he went in for the kill, not purposefully, but it was amazing nonetheless. Nick broke the golden, unwritten rule and asked Andi…wait for it. Are you paying attention?

Question of the night:

He asked Andi, “If you weren’t in love with me, then why did you make love to me?” This was in response to Andi’s denial of her being in love with him. Andi handled it gracefully and reasonably like a trained lawyer. After citing that he just threw her under the bus, she told him, “The things I did with you and said to you were real” and the reason she went to see him instead of putting him through the rose ceremony and picking out rings was that she knew how much he had been affected by his last engagement. And her relationship with him meant something to her. Andi said, “I wasn’t in love with Nick and that’s why I didn’t say it.” That and you’re contractually obligated not to utter those words. Andi did admit that it was real for her, all of the things she told him and felt when they were together, saying “I wasn’t going to let you do that again and that’s because I did care about you and the relationship we had.”

“You had a great relationship.” Chris Harrison told the two. “Otherwise he wouldn’t have been in your final two.” Oh, Chris Harrison aka resident Bachelor/ette psychologist/therapist, you are so wise.

Bring Out the Fiance! Josh and Andi looked so happy in love and damn do they make a good looking couple.

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Image Credit: Twitter @ItzAllAboutAnna

Grumpy Cat: Special guest Grumpy Cat made an appearance on After the Final Rose. What is Grumpy Cat doing on The Bachelorette, you may ask. And to you I say, Why wouldn’t Grumpy Cat be on every single show? There’s been a meme floating around about Andi’s signature frown. It is fantastically similar to the Grumpy Cat frown.

And so ends Season 10 of The Bachelorette. Andi and Josh said there were already plans for a wedding.

Never fear, you won’t be out of Bachelor fun for long. Next Monday, August 4th is the premiere of Bachelor in Paradise, bringing back fan favorites for another shot at lust love.

 

Tweets of the Night:

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The Bachelorette Andi: The Men Tell All

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A compilation of flashbacks to shirtless men hanging around the house, a slew of Bachelor in Paradise commercials (they are really pushing this one), and the lie detector test results we all desperately wanted to know kicked off The Men Tell All episode.

Credit: Zap2it.com

Credit: Zap2it.com

The show started with all of the men wearing scarves, playing off the unintentional theme of the season. After that they cut to a recap of the season, and showed the mens’ reactions to all of the comments.

What-the-What of the Night:

You thought they had done it all. A live break up. A live switcheroo (ahem Jason and Molly Mesnick). But you know what we haven’t done? A live ultrasound. I feel as though a picture would have sufficed, or some other way to announce the sex of the baby like colored balloons being freed into the studio audience, or a big sign unveiled with pink or blue confetti, or a giant cake that Chris Harrison pops out of with the test results. But no. Let’s bring in an ultrasound technician and put some goop on her belly. To catch you up to speed, JP and Ashley (one of my favorite couples and one of the few Bachelor/ette success stories) are pregnant! They didn’t know if it was a boy or a girl and agreed to find out with the rest of America on The Men Tell All. ABC put the ultrasound on the big screen and Chris harrison’s face popped up. The chuckles were followed by a dramatic pause, and the technician announced they would be having a boy! #Wehadababyitsaboy

A good majority of the episode was stirring up trouble and addressing the racist remarks Andrew was accused of muttering at one of the earlier rose ceremonies.

Hot Seat Participants:

Each of the following men had some quality one-on-one time with Chris Harrison on the hot seat. As they took their seated position on the couch across from Chris, a reel of their time on The Bachelorette played on the screen, sprinkled with Andi’s commentary mostly about their good looks and sweet characters.

Marquel

marquelMarquel’s flashback reel included snapshots of his ridiculously chiseled frame and his first night on the show where he brought a platter of cookies and had Andi sample each one (especially the black and white cookie – I see what you did there), which is how he earned his nickname of “The Cookie Monster.” As always, Marquel was looking dapper last night, sporting brightly colored pants, a patterned shirt and socks, and a chocolate chip cookie pinned to his lapel to complete the look. He talked to Chris Harrison about his descent into the friend zone, and made a cute joke about how he missed the memo that all of the other men in the house had started to kiss Andi. Now before you start bemoaning his quick departure from Andi’s season, you should know that sweet Marquel will be just fine and picking back up on Bachelor in Paradise. And finally, in Marquel fashion, he brought a basket of black and white cookies to throw into the audience. He’s adorbs.

Marcus

As per usual, he didn’t have much to say. Or I tuned out. Either way, I doubt there was much to take away from this interaction. There is one interesting tidbit of information you will learn about Marcus later, though. Keep reading to find out. And never fear, you’ll get to see more of Marcus on Bachelor in Paradise, along with personal trainer Cody.

Chris and Marcus before the show. Credit: Marcus Grodd's Twitter

Chris and Marcus before the show. Credit: Marcus Grodd’s Twitter

Chris

As farmer Chris was talking to host Chris, some dark-haired, tanned girl in a cream-colored romper raised her hand. Yes, you heard correctly. Literally raised her hand to be called on. JJ exchanged an amused look with Marquel. The hand-raising worked. They called her down onto the stage to talk to Chris. The Chris-es had been discussing how difficult it was to date in a small town and what Chris planned on doing next for his love life. The dark beauty said she related to his struggles, having come from a small town in Canada, and expressed interest in dating him. Chris Harrison happily facilitated a speed date during the commercial break.

Lie Detector Test Results!

Finally they brought out Andi (looking gorgeous as ever) to face all of her exes, and Chris Harrison had a surprise in store. Low and behold, he had the test results Andi ripped up in Italy! He read them to the studio audience. Brian, JJ, and Farmer Chris were the ones who were lie-free. Marcus, Dylan, and Josh on the other hand have some ‘splaining to do.

Marcus told one lie: he has slept with fewer than 20 women.

Dylan told two lies: he prefers brunettes and is ready for marriage. (Dylan’s response to the results: “This sucks.”)

And Josh told one lie. Chris gave Andi the option to know or not know Josh’s lie, but told her if Josh was one of his final two this particular lie would be one he would want to know. That’s just mean, Chris Harrison. Brian and Dylan told her not to do it, and she heeded their advice, choosing to continue to remain in the dark.

Bloopers

Andi had her very own blooper reel. There was someone flushing the toilet as she was talking in one of her interviews. There was Andi taking her nosespray, telling them not to put it on the bloopers. There was the camera crew wrecking Nick’s house. And of course, Brian’s fear of pickles.

So to recap.
The Bachelorette Finale: Monday, July 28 at 8|7c
Bachelor in Paradise Premiere: Monday, August 4 at 8|7c
Coach Brian’s still afraid of pickles.
And Nick made a storybook.
Vote! Who do you think Andi chooses?
 

The Bachelorette Andi: Week 8 Fantasy Suite Dates

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All that stands in between the finale and Andi’s happily ever after is The Men Tell All episode.

Who got kicked off: Gone is Farmer Chris, and the hearts of women across America sighed in disappointment. Though, I don’t know why. That frees him up for all you ladies!

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Nick

They wore matching bathing suits and played in the sand on their own private beach. Then. Then. Are you paying attention? Then, Nick busted out a storybook. It brought me back to all of the poetry from previous seasons. It was a book he had made, detailing his and Andi’s love story. Are there pictures? I asked hopefully. Ask and you shall receive. Complete with colored pencil drawings, Nick proceeded to read through the book. Afterwards he pulled Andi aside, away from the cameras, and listed off all of the things he loved about her, all of the things he couldn’t say directly with the storybook. This fantastic storybook. Then he told her he loved her. I may have to fight off @the_hunt_club for rights to this book.

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possessionistascarfJosh

Josh and Andi had another hanging-out-with-the-locals date around the Domincan Republic, where Josh could show off his Spanish-speaking skills and make Andi’s heart go pitter-patter. They danced merengue in the street, terribly mind you, but with tons of enthusiasm. Then they played baseball with a bunch of kiddos. At one point they were sitting on a park bench making out and Josh told her he loved her. They had their own personal fireworks display and went back to the Fantasy Suite.

Chris

Chris and Andi went horseback riding in a wide, expansive field and then played another round of Ghosts in the Graveyard. I always called it Sardines, but apparently there is another name for it. In any case, dinner rolled around and the tears came out. Andi started sobbing because she told Chris she was going to send him home, right then and there. No rose ceremony. No trip to the Fantasy Suite. In the words of Andrea Lavinthal, Director of PEOPLE Style & Beauty, “It’s not you. It’s Iowa.” While Andi told Chris she can’t just blame it on Iowa, I’m pretty sure that was a big determining factor. There is a ton of speculation that Chris will be the next Bachelor. People on Twitter seem to adore him. I know I’m going to get pushback from this, but I don’t understand the pull to Chris. Can someone tell me what I’m missing?

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Rose Ceremony

Only two men left. Andi wanted to have the rose ceremony despite the fact that there were only two men left because she wanted to make sure they knew it was a two-way street and to give them the opportunity to say no. Seems a little late for that, but sure.

Andi: “This is a two-way street.” So tell me now to make my decision easier. I added the part in italics. But you get the gist.

Extras

Parody Twitter Accounts: Discovered this gem: A Josh’s Scarf Twitter handle, called @ScarfofJosh. If you’ll remember we had Ben Flajnik’s hair (@BenFlajniksHair), Sean Lowe’s abs (@SeanLowesAbs), and Tierra’s eyebrow (@TierrasEyebrow) from seasons past.

joshscarf

Andi’s Fashion: I want Andi’s entire wardrobe from this season. Seriously though, that black and white maxi dress she wore when she sent Chris home is everything. Blogger Possessionista has you covered with Andi’s Overnight Fashion. Take a peek at her blog for all of the fashion from this season.

Next week is The Men Tell All before The Bachelor Finale!

The Bachelorette Andi: Week 7 Hometown Dates!

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One thing we have learned this season: if you want to go on The Bachelor you need to start your scarf collection NOW. Even Nick’s sister got the memo. Scarves are in.

Who got kicked off: Marcus our aviator man was sent home, which means Josh, Nick, and Chris are headed for Fantasy Suite dates.

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Nick – Software Salesman

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Nick wanted to show Andi around his hometown where he grew up. He took her to the Lakefront Brewery, and did a little polka dancing. Nick has a very large family. They each had their own photo framed on the wall. They took up two walls. I liked Andi’s talk with one of his many sisters. Nick’s sister asked if he could “unapologetically” be himself around her. She was looking out for her baby brother, because apparently Nick has been engaged before and experienced heartbreak. Nick admitted to his mom he was falling in love with Andi and that he thinks he’s Andi’s favorite. Andi also talked to Bella, Nick’s youngest sister (maybe 10-years-old?). In any case Andi told Bella she loved the mental connection she had with Nick and Bella tried unsuccessfully to pass that information on to Nick. Bella did tell Nick that Andi said she loved him or liked him, which I’m pretty sure Andi just said she thought Nick was amazing, so don’t trust your 10-year-old spy to get valuable inside intelligence. It just doesn’t pan out.

Farmer Chris

Arlington, Iowa

Andi explored the farmland of Iowa with Farmer Chris. Farmer Chris took her on a tractor ride where Andi got a first row seat to plowing the field. She sat on his lap and drove the tractor. While they were sitting in the fields a plane flew by with a banner that read: “Chris loves Andi.” Chris’ mom talked to Andi about her personal experience of going from the city life to the farm life and it put Andi’s mind at ease. Despite what the previews would have you believe, Farmer Chris does not think Andi would be a housewife. Rather he suggested that she could look for work within law in Arlington. The fam and Andi played Sardines (which if you’ve never played this growing up you should definitely gather all of your grown friends and force them into merriment because it is one of my favorite games. It’s like hide-and-go-seek, but better). Farmer Chris went to hide. Andi found him first. What a shocker. Must be difficult to find a man lit up like Christmas by television cameras. They shared in a passionate kiss until Farmer Chris’ fam broke up the party.

Cute Quote of the Night goes to Chris. When he said good-bye to Andi and she hopped into the SUV, he poked his head inside and gave instructions to the driver: “So driver, when you leave, then turn around and come back. Got it?”

josh – Former Pro Baseball Player

Atlanta, GA

Josh took Andi to play a little game of baseball before taking her home to meet his family. Josh said he hadn’t been on the field in 7 years. He told Andi he stopped playing ball because he realized what was important in life. Josh’s family is big on sports. Josh’s younger brother, Aaron, was getting ready to be drafted by the NFL, so naturally that took up a lot of dinner conversation. After dinner, Andi chatted with each of the different family members. Almost everyone brought up the idea of compromise, of making time to watch Aaron’s football games even if Andi and Josh started a life of their own. They’re a close family and like to spend time together. Josh’s mom told Andi that she could tell Josh was in love with Andi. I’m sure it was the reassurance Andi needed. Fun/weird fact: Josh’s mom looks surprisingly like Andi in 30 years. At the end of the date they all played football in the backyard.

Marcus – Aviator man

Dallas, TX

Dark horse Marcus, who hasn’t said two words all season, prefaced Andi’s date with “We’re going to spend a day in my life.” Then he proceeded to strip. It was awesome for the shock value alone. He recreated their first date, which involved him performing a solo strip tease in an aviator costume. This time Andi had a private show. After that Andi met his family. There are just so many things wrong with all of what I just wrote, but we’re going to press on. Marcus’ family was welcoming. It seemed to go well. Sometimes I tune out when Marcus comes on screen and they may have happened with his family. He told Andi he loved her.

Bonus Commentary: The best part about this episode was that as I was watching we had storm warnings here on the East Coast pop up on the screen, and bursts of beep, beep, beep would happen. It always seemed to happen right when Andi was being introduced to the men’s families, which was awesome. Are they cursing? Are they not? Which one of Nick’s bajillion sisters just swore? Or was that Andi? It was just like Jimmy Kimmel’s Unnecessary Censorship bits. Really spiced things up.

Before the Rose Ceremony

Before the rose ceremony, things took a somber turn. This was the moment the group found out that Eric Hill had been killed in a paragliding accident. It was incredibly sad. Chris Harrison called everyone together, sat them down, and broke the news. You could feel the raw emotion and gravity of the news weighing heavy on everyone, cast and crew. Marcus took a moment outside. Andi followed. When they returned, the film crew put down their cameras and everyone went around to console each other. The Twittersphere lit up with #livelikeeric.

Rose Ceremony

The rose ceremony took place a short 24 hours following the news. Emotions were still high. As Andi was about to hand out the roses, she began to cry and walked out of the room. She told Chris how she could picture where Eric had stood and it was just all so difficult. After composing herself, Andi made it through the rose ceremony. In what was a surprise turn of events, Marcus was sent home and Farmer Chris was kept around. I had Josh and Nick pegged as the final two, but Chris snuck in there. I guess that’s what I get for calling Marcus the dark horse. I doomed him.

Rough night for Marcus. He lost a friend and his girl in one fell swoop. Andi told him he had done nothing wrong, and that she didn’t want to keep him longer knowing he was in love with her when she just wasn’t quite there. Next week are Fantasy Suite dates.

 

The Bachelorette Andi: Week 6 Recap

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We’re down to four men and you know what that means! Hometowns are around the corner. The crew traveled to Brussels, Belgium this episode.

Who got kicked off: The ones in red X’s were sent home. Coach Brian and Dylan-the-non-hand-washer were sent home.

Bachelorette-Board_Andi_week7One-on-One: Marcus went on the first one-on-one date. It was pretty unmemorable. We heard him speak the most he has all season. They wandered around, exploring and eating mussels in Brussels. Marcus has been journaling. He dropped the L-bomb again. At dinner he told her his story of his dad leaving his family and who she would meet on the hometowns.

The Twist! After Marcus got back from his date, Nick snuck out of the hotel room to see if he couldn’t find Andi’s room. At the hotel lobby he told the attendant he was staying with his wife Andi Dorfman and he misplaced his room key. They gave him a room number and a new key no questions asked. Good to know it’s that easy to access someone else’s room. Thankfully, he had the common sense to knock on her door instead of using his newly acquired key. Andi’s reaction was one of shock, and then of worry.

“It was a comforting feeling that her first reaction was fear.” – Nick

Sure. That’s how I would feel too, Nick. Nick reassured her he only wanted to come see what she was up to after her date, and that he wasn’t there to tell her he was going home. She changed into more comfortable attire and they went to a restaurant where they sat and talked and made out.

Awkward Quote of the Night:

“I can feel what he is thinking when we kiss.” – Andi. Can you, Andi?

One-on-One: Josh and Andi explored Ghent, Belgium. They ran into a parade of geese, probably the most entertaining part of the date. Andi spent the majority of the day baiting him and asking leading questions to see how Josh felt about her. At dinner, he finally told her he’s falling in love with her. Not sure if the producers tipped him off, but she kept saying she wanted to know what he was feeling about her. All the other dudes are telling her they’re falling in love with her. What about Josh? At dinner he finally let her know that he was falling in love with her. Her eyes lit up and a smile spread across her face. If that didn’t give away how much in love she was with him, I don’t know what will. Music played in the background (another live concert). On their way outside, Josh pulled her into a nook, slightly out of camera view and planted one on her.

Group Date: Andi took the group to explore castle ruins (Les ruines de Montaigle) on a gorgeous hilltop in Belgium. From there they took a four-person bike set on railroad tracks to the next part of their date. Nick suggested a rhyming game to pass the time and take their minds off of their burning thighs.

Nick: Look at the trees.

Coach Brian: I think I have fleas.

Andi: I wish you would hurry up please.

Dylan: I wish I had some car keys.

Chris? Nothing to contribute?

The railroad bike contraption took them to Orval Abbey, a monastery. The catch was that because it was hallowed ground, there was no kissing within the walls. So that was fun. Then Farmer Chris somehow sidestepped this little rule, by going off of the grounds with her to some nondescript pottery room. What I want to know is what the other guys were thinking while she’s gone for ages.

Back at the pottery barn, Andi and Farmer Chris basically recreated the pottery wheel scene from Ghost with Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore. While it was not as steamy and the soft, crooning sounds of The Righteous Brothers’ Unchained Melody didn’t play in the background, it was apparent there was chemistry between the two.

Group Date Rose: Surprise, surprise, the group date rose went to Nick. The rest of the boys went back to the hotel, while Nick got a little extra one-on-one time with Andi.

Everyone vs Nick Again: And by everyone I mean the guys on the show as well as ALL OF America. So much Twitter hate for Nick. His cockiness is really getting the best of everyone. All we keep seeing on screen is his confidence in ending up with Andi, and it’s starting to wear on everyone’s patience. In an interview with the producers, Nick said, “I’m going to end up with Andi.” Creepy stare. Please don’t do that Nick. It doesn’t make us like you more.

Cocktail Party: Farmer Chris pulled out all the stops this episode. It makes me wonder if the producers had a hand in putting some of these ideas together/in his head. As you’ll remember, he was the secret admirer, writing Andi love notes. Chris the Farmer made one last ditch effort to win Andi’s heart. As she was getting ready to announce the end of the cocktail party and the beginning of the rose ceremony, Chris asked if he could steal her away for a quick second. As he led her outside, Andi became worried he was going to tell her he had to leave the show. Turns out he just wanted to lay a kiss on her. Looks like it worked because Farmer Chris is headed for hometowns.

Alert: Brian is afraid of pickles. And it is hilarious. The bloopers may have been again the best part of the episode. We finally were able to see more of Dylan’s personality aside from the debbie downer vibe they’ve been giving him. Dylan chased Brian around the hotel room with a pickle. Brian has a weird phobia of them. After Brian shut himself in one of the bedrooms, Dylan nonchalantly turned around and ate it saying, “It’s just a pickle.”

Last Note: This is just speculation, but it could have been Dylan’s sumo hair that got him the ax this episode. In any case, hometowns are next!

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The Bachelorette Andi: Week 5 Recap

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The remaining 8 men and Andi traveled to Venice, Italy, where we learned who set up camp in the friend zone, that Josh is weirdly and suspiciously afraid of lie detector tests, and of Dylan’s questionable bathroom habits.

Who got kicked off: The ones with red X’s were sent home this week. Cody landed himself in the friend zone. And JJ just didn’t make the cut. I think he also found his way into the friend zone. It’s dangerous there, boys.

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One-on-One: To everyone’s surprise and chagrin, Andi chose Nick (winner of the first impression rose strikes again!). She had a few questions from last week she wanted answered, such as why everyone hates him. In an interview with the producers, Nick divulged, “I sucked on the last group date.” I’m glad you recognize that, Nick. You did suck. One might even say you were a party pooper.

On the gondola ride, Nick addressed his party pooper status with Andi and all is well again in Nandi land. Andick? We’ll work on the celeb nicknames. As their gondola made its way down the Rio di Palazzo, Andi told him that if you kiss under the Bridge of Sighs you will have eternal love. Nick wasted no time in going in for the kiss.

Fun Fact: The Bridge of Sighs connects the Old Prison and interrogation rooms to the New Prison in Venice. Wikipedia told me that the Bridge of Sighs was “the last view of Venice convicts saw before they were imprisoned” back in the day. And that’s why it’s called the Bridge of Sighs. It was thought prisoners would sigh before their final view of Venice before being taken down to their cells. The more romantic explanation for the bridge’s name is that it refers to the lovers’ sighs when they kiss under the bridge.

Nick’s Speech: After Andi addressed the spat Nick had with the other men last week, Nick told her, “I feel incredibly fortunate to have the connection that we have. it is hard to imagine anyone else having that with you. I’m definitely falling in love. I know we have a long way to go.” I do not trust the salesman.

Group Date: So I know what you’re thinking. What is the best date you could possibly go on in Italy? If you said lie detector test, you would be correct! In the words of Chris the Farmer, “There is nothing romantic about this situation.” You are correct, good sir. The group walked into a room of armor and weapons to meet up with Andi and Italy’s finest lie detector administrators.

Quote of the Night: JJ, you’re adorbs.

I never lie. I can’t say that. That’s a lie.

“This is kind of the worst date possible that I could have,” Chris the Farmer said in reference to the fact that he was the “secret admirer” sending Andi notes and it would be revealed. I agree this is the worst date possible (there has been a record slew of bad dates this season), but I think we consider it bad for very different reasons, Chris. Also, I have a confession for you. No one cares. No one cares you’re the secret admirer. You sent her a couple letters. I already forgot about it.

Best Lie Detector Interplay: Let’s focus on Dylan’s answers for a second.

Test Administrator: “Have you had sex with more than 20 women?”

Dylan: [Avoids eye contact, hesitates.] “Yes.”

Test Administrator: “Do you wash your hands after the bathroom?”

Dylan: “No.”

Dude. Dylan. Lie. No one is going to know and if they claim you lied, you deny! Now we (being all of America) know never to shake your hand. Dylan, Dylan, Dylan.

When the results came in, the guys read Andi’s answers. She lied twice. Italy was not in fact her favorite country, and she did not think all of the guys were there for the right reasons. In a grand gesture to restore their trust in her, Andi decided to rip up the guys’ test results. Probably for the best, but I would have liked to know what other non-hand-washers there were in the group.

Cutest Moment of the Night: Coach Brian is finally stepping it up. On the group date he had Andi do their own make-shift lie detector test. He had her place one hand on his pulse and one hand on his heart. Andi asked, “Have you ever lied to a girl?” Brian responded, “No.” Andi asked, “Have you ever told a girl she looked good when she didn’t?” Brian responded, “Yes.” Andi followed up with, “So have you ever lied to a girl?” He laughed, “Yes.” Then they switched.

He asked her a couple softball questions, then followed up with, “Do you want to make out?” After Andi playfully denied the urge, Brian laughed and shouted, “You’re lieing!” Then reached out to kiss her. Adorable.

The L-Bomb: Houston, we have an L-bomb. “I’m in love with you,” Marcus told Andi. He also told her he had previously thought of leaving. So there’s that.

One-on-One: Cody finally got his one-on-one date. They spent the day in Verona, Italy the birthplace of Romeo and Juliet. Andi was looking for that romantic feeling, and she didn’t find it. They visited Juliet’s courtyard, the inspiration for Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. It was also the inspiration for the film Letters to Juliet, which I think I picked up for $5 at Bed Bath & Beyond and have played it to death. If you haven’t seen it yet, do it. It’s terrible. I recognize this. But I absolutely love it, as do all of my roommates (despite what they tell you) who I have made watch it.

Andi and Cody get to do exactly what the main character Sophie does — help the Secretariats of Juliet respond to the love letters people write and leave in Juliet’s courtyard. Cody had a great response for a dude that had left a note about standing out in a group. It reflected his challenge of standing out in Andi’s crowd of men. I see what you did there, ABC. Cody’s response was sentimental and sweet. Andi let him go at dinner because he hit the friend zone hard. No rose for body builder Cody.

Bloopers: The best part of the entire episode had to have been the outtakes. ABC showed a montage of all of the boys answering a question for the lie detector that was a little misconstrued with the heavy Italian accent of the test administrator. “Have you fart in public?” Fought. Fought, boys, fought. All answered “yes” with a snicker, each earning a reproachful and disapproving look from the test administrator. It was grand. Just skip ahead to that part and watch it on repeat for 2 hours. That and Dylan’s honest answer of his bathroom habits. On second thought, I take back what I said before. This lie detector test may have been the greatest date yet.

We are quickly approaching hometowns, which are quite possibly my favorite dates to watch! Who do you think Andi will choose for hometown dates?

The Bachelorette Andi: Week 4 Full Recap

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The group journeyed to Marseilles, France. Turtlenecks seemed to be making a come back this episode.

Who got kicked off: The ones in red X’s were sent home this week. Bro #1 (Andrew) and Bro #2 (Patrick) were sent home, officially breaking up the bromance. Always fashionably dressed and bringing in the humor, Marquel the Cookie Monster (as he is lovingly referred to on the show) was sent a’packing. I’m gonna miss that one.

Bachelorette-Board_Andi_week4

Talks with Chris: At a quaint cafe in France, Andi admitted to Chris Harrison that she was falling for more than one guy.

One-on-one: Josh got the first one-on-one. They went on a boat ride. As much as Josh tried to address her concerns, Andi is still hesitant that Josh is very similar to her previous relationships that left her burned. The date ended with a concert by Ben Fields.

Group Date: I take back what I said before. This could be the worst date on the history of The Bachelorette. Andi took the boys to learn how to mime. Then they performed in the streets of France, where they terrified small children and adults alike.

Most Awkward Quote of the Night:

“I got my mime on my money and my money on my mime.” – Cody

What does that even mean? Cody, work with me here.

Nick did not look happy. At the after party, Nick told Andi, “I had a lot of fun today.” No you didn’t, Nick. Don’t lie. Is that any way to start a relationship? Built on lies? I mean I don’t blame you. It was miming. But suck it up.

JJ got the rose on the group date. He stole Andi away for a little one-on-one time on a ferris wheel. JJ got the rose on the date. Nick was not pleased.

Andrew vs Everyone: I think the guys were a little grouchy from their travels or just all syncing up because they got in several spats this episode. Andrew had made a racist and offensive comment night one of the season. JJ brought this to Marquel’s attention, who subsequently brought it to Andrew’s attention. Andrew was not happy. At one point during the night, Andrew told Andi he wasn’t there “for this bullshit.” Eh (buzzer sound)! You’re here for Andi. I think that’s what you meant to say, right Andrew?

Nick vs Everyone: They got in a bit of a tiff on the group date. Both Cody and Chris (the nice guys as Andi has deemed them) expressed concern over Nick’s arrogance, which raised concerns with Andi.

One-on-One: Brian got the second one-on-one date. They went to a movie (a little promo for The Hundred-Foot Journey). After that they went to some random French apartment and attempted to recreate part of the movie by cooking their own meal. Brian just got caught under fire. He got a little frazzled in the kitchen and seemed to forget Andi was there with him. Brian, you’re a basketball coach. You should know how to make the moves. Stop missing plays. After they disastrously ruined the meal they were making, the pair decided to just get pizza. Great idea. Brian seemed to ease back into his charming self. And as Chris pointed out on his blog on Entertainment Weekly, they actually showed the couple eating! This is a rare occurrence on the show. Drinks a’plenty. Eating? Not so much.

The Cocktail Party that Wasn’t: Andi had made up her mind quite quickly. Despite the fact it was a big cut this night (3 were on the chopping block), Andi decided to forego the cocktail party and get straight down to it with the rose ceremony. 

Tweets of the Night: If you’re not following @the_hunt_club on Monday nights, you are doing yourself a disservice.

Screen shot 2014-06-29 at 10.19.02 PMScreen shot 2014-06-29 at 10.22.58 PMNext week the remaining 8 men travel to Venice, Italy to continue their search for love.

 

 

The Bachelorette Andi: Week 4 Quick Recap

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Full recap coming to you at a later date. Until then, here’s a quick visual of who’s still hanging on.

Who got kicked off: The group traveled to Marseilles, France. The ones in red X’s were sent home week 4. Bro #1 (Andrew) and Bro #2 (Patrick) were sent home, officially breaking up the bromance. Always fashionably dressed and bringing in the humor, Marquel was sent a’packing. I’m gonna miss that one.

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The Bachelorette: Andi Week 3 Recap [Part 2]

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The group traveled to the captivating state of Connecticut last episode and spent their time at Mohegan Sun. Not gonna lie. This episode was a bit of a downer with Dylan unloading his past on Andi, Eric leaving, and Chris Harrison and Andi having an uncomfortable sit-down. Let me give you some of the highlights, so you don’t have to watch the whole episode.

Who got kicked off: Eric the Explorer and Tasos the Wedding Coordinator went home, leaving 11 men left to vie for Andi’s heart.

Bachelorette-Board_Andiweek3b

Sidenote: First, I’d like to begin with how fantastic are the Suave commercials for The Bachelorette? Scripted magic. They bring in previous Bachelor/ette contestants and have a scripted exchange with a hair dresser. Basically, they not-so-subtly sneak in what they’ve been up to since The Bachelor/ette (all living happily ever after, of course, with kids and the love of their life, etc.) and how they can get those luscious locks Andi has on the episode. They are completely terrible, and yet I cannot look away. Exhibit A.

One-on-One: Dylan went on a train ride. Technically it was an Essex steam train somewhat resembling that of Harry Potter’s transportation to Hogwarts. But let’s be real. He went on a train for his date. A train. At dinner, Dylan told Andi that being on the show felt unnatural and that she’d see the real Dylan soon. Sooo I’m just going to be dating the fake Dylan for awhile? Nah. I’m good. Dylan, that’s not how this works. You know we only film for 6 weeks, right? Time is a tickin’. I swear this is the second time I’ve questioned if the producers effectively debriefed this group about how the show works. Finally, Dylan’s walls came tumbling down, and he shared with Andi all about his past. He grew up in Connecticut (Coincidence? I think not.) and both of his siblings died of drug overdose. Andi gave him the rose, making sure to emphasize it wasn’t a pity rose. Well…we shall see if he makes it through another week.

Group Date: The men were met by 5 professional female basketball players and Andi. The boys played some hoops against the ladies, and by played I meant got their beautiful behinds handed to them. After the shaming, the boys split up to play against each other. As the Boyz II Men date was tailored to Opera Man, this date was tailored to Coach Brian. This was his jam. He’s a basketball coach in real life so he’s all up on that locker room whiteboard, giving his pep talk. “Hustle and defense win championships!” Clear eyes, full hearts, gentleman. Coach Brian led Team Rosebud to victory and in doing so secured extra time with Andi as the losing team was sent back to the hotel. During their one-on-one time, Brian showed Andi some of his moves on the basketball court. At one point he nailed it from half court! Nothing but net. While she didn’t get a kiss after that epic shot, Andi gave him the rose on the group date. Don’t worry. Spoiler alert. Coach Brian takes Andi back to the basketball court during the cocktail party prior to the rose ceremony and gives her a kiss then, telling her he regretted not doing it last time. Swoon.

Quotes of the Night:

“We’re running around like little infants and they are barely trying.” – Nick, Software Sales

“I really hope they have more game off the court than they do on the court, because she’ll have a real difficult choice.” – Lindsay Harding, Los Angeles Sparks

One-on-One: Marcus the Ryan Gosling look-a-like (which in all fairness I’m seeing less and less of as the show progresses, but I’ve already dubbed him as such so I’m sticking with it goshdarnit) received the second one-on-one date of the week. Turns out both Marcus and Andi are completely terrified of heights. So what better date than to rappel down a 100-story building? I can’t think of a better scenerio, can you? It was actually pretty cute. Marcus had to talk Andi down off of the ledge. He also talked her through her nerves as they first began their descent. Marcus distracted her with questions about her family. Her humor started to return as Marcus prodded and they slowly made their way back to solid ground. He asked her, “Are you a good golfer.” Andi responded with, “No, [pause] I think I’m better than I am.” Andi initiated a kiss as they were suspended mid-air. They both overcame their fear, the music swelled, and they shared in another passionate kiss.

The boys in the hotel room could see the couple rappelling down right in front of their eyes, and as sweet as they are, they pounded on that hotel glass, made a ruckus, and badgered the couple with “There’s no crying in rappelling!”

At dinner, Marcus told Andi he hadn’t dated anyone in 3 years, because his girlfriend left him and he wasn’t ready and he’s finally been able to open up to Andi, and you know the deal. The date ended with a private country music concert.

The Love Letter: Andi received a hand-written note from a “secret admirer” delivered to her hotel room. That’s it. We don’t know who it’s from. If I had to guess I would say Nick because he sent flowers previously. I mean just sign your name, dude. She only has so much time with each of you. What good is a note if she doesn’t know who it’s from?

Cocktail Party: At the cocktail party Tasos immediately stepped up to get some one-on-one time with Andi. And then stepped right on home. Sean Lowe (The Bachelor from 2 seasons ago and now married to Catherine Giudici) had a pretty great tweet in regards to Tasos being eliminated at the rose ceremony (see below).

The Drama: Eric told Andi at the cocktail party that he felt she was putting on airs when the cameras were around in certain situations. He straight up told her that he thought she was acting at some points. Prior to that they had both agreed their relationship was “stalling.” They just weren’t on the same page. Andi cried and Eric left in a taxi.

Tweets of the Night:

Screen shot 2014-06-02 at 9.54.57 PM Screen shot 2014-06-02 at 9.53.38 PM Screen shot 2014-06-02 at 9.53.23 PM Screen shot 2014-06-02 at 9.52.16 PMKudos to Joshua Malina. That one made me laugh out loud.

The Rose Ceremony That Didn’t Happen: ABC chose not to air this rose ceremony. Eric was sent home this week after an uncomfortable tiff with Andi at the cocktail ceremony. Instead of the rose ceremony ABC had a sitdown with Andi and they talked about that night. It was…uncomfortable (to say the least). Cut to Chris Harrison explaining why they didn’t show the rose ceremony, just Eric leaving in a taxi. Then cut to a Bravo-like sitdown of Chris Harrison and Andi. No, what, no. This is…uncomfortable. Why are they talking about this? Why are they still talking? I don’t know how to feel.

I’m not sure what was going on, but I think that was just drawn out way more than necessary. I understand the need to be sensitive to the situation; however, I don’t think it warranted an entire Bravo-like hashing out of the episode. It could have been just Chris Harrison explaining why they didn’t show the rose ceremony out of respect for Eric, and then addressed the tiff at After the Final Rose like they normally do. Yes, it’s sad those were Andi and Eric’s last exchanges, but he knew her for 3 weeks. He had a life outside of the show. I don’t need you to draw it out in two different episodes for one week. Not cool. Just curious, what were your thoughts on how ABC handled Eric’s departure and passing? It’s a unique situation, to be sure, but I wasn’t thrilled with how it was handled.

In two weeks (Monday, June 16th at 8|7c) we pick up again. And the gang tries their hand (See what I did there?) at miming in France. Tonight, The Bachelorette will still airbut this episode will just be a rehashing of everything that has happened in the season. Because goodness knows we need more of that in our lives. According to Entertainment Weeklyratings haven’t been great this season. And the numbers don’t seem to be improving. I don’t think another overused highlight reel is going to do the trick.

 

Extras: Following the episode Jimmy Kimmel issued a new challenge, which might make this season a little less of a downer. Andi has her own repeatable phrase for the season. As you’ll remember Juan Pablo had a tendency to say the phrase, “It’s okay.” Well Andi’s go-to is, “Stop.” Sometimes it takes on a low, drawn-out guttural sound, other times it’s a quick snippet. The challenge? Add it to your Bachelorette drinking games. Or don’t, because Kimmel’s montage seems to indicate you’ll be seeing the bottom of your glass sooner rather than later.

 

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