I think my TV is broken. Rachel are you still keeping it 100? Is this real life? Someone pass me the wine.
Congrats to the happy couple, Rachel and Bryan!
Rachel Lindsay chose Bryan in the rolling hills of La Rioja, Spain.
In an unprecedented season finale, ABC did a live show interspersed with the finale, so there was no After the Final Rose, yet it was a 3-hour event. Rachel was brought out with Chris Harrison at a live studio audience to watch the final episode and then bring out live the guy she sent home after they watched her send him home on TV. Follow me? It was super uncomfortable and I thought she’d spill the beans! Rachel chose 37-year-old chiropractor, mama’s boy, first impression rose man from Florida, Bryan. I’m still with Rachel’s mom and pop on this one and question what Rachel is doing. The breakup with Peter seemed to suggest she was deeply in love with him. As long as you’re happy Rachel, you do you Boo.
Who got kicked off: Eric and Peter were sent home. Ericwas sent home at the rose ceremony, and Peter was sent home in a tear-filled good-bye before she had her final rose ceremony.
Eric got kicked off at the rose ceremony, leaving Bryan and Peter as the final two men. Rachel didn’t know if he was ready for marriage and her other relationships were stronger. Eric’s doing great. He’s opens and ready to receive love.
Peter and Rachel had the most heartwrenching breakup on Bachelor Franchise history. They kept having very well-spoken, intellectual conversations about why they loved each other and yet why it wasn’t working. It seemed like it was because Peter wasn’t able to propose yet because he saw that as a direct reflection of marriage, yet he loved her so deeply and didn’t want to let her go, whereas Rachel wanted a proposal and husband out of the deal, not a boyfriend and couldn’t understand why he couldn’t get to that step. There were a lot of emotions flying around and big tears. In the end Rachel broke up with him at the hotel room the night before the ceremony because it reminded her of the complicated relationships she’s had in the past. She wanted someone who was sure and confident in her. She gave him a long kiss and told him she loved him and there were so many tears. It really seemed like she loved him. At the live re-meeting, Peter still had some feelings for Rachel.
Rachel seems to be happy in love. Her family is still skeptical. After dating for a few months in private, Bryan was reunited with Rachel on the show. And now they’re touring around making appearances.
Bachelor in Paradise Preview
Our man Dean is going to be on Bachelor in Paradise and previews show us he has two ladies’ hearts in his hands. All of your favorites are there, Raven, the Canadian man that I think only goes to Bachelor in Paradise for a living, and The Twins! I’m so excited they’re back.
Will you be watching Bachelor in Paradise?? The season premiere begins next week in a two-night event, Monday, August 14th and Tuesday, August 15th 8|7c.
No Bachelorette last week due to the NBA finals. If your significant other asks why you’re still reaching for that bottle of merlot, you kindly tell him/her you need it to handle paging through all of the articles on Bachelor in Paradise that have come out. Allegations of sexual assault in Bachelor in Paradise came out last Sunday.
What we know: Filming for this season of Bachelor in Paradise has been suspended as Warner Bros looks in to allegations of sexual assault. Warner Bros licenses Bachelor in Paradise to ABC. Bachelor in Paradise was scheduled to premiere Aug 8th and the cast was recently announced.
Who was involved: Corinne Olympios and DeMario Jackson
Warner Bros made a statement:
We have become aware of allegations of misconduct on the set of Bachelor in Paradise in Mexico. We have suspended production and we are conducting a thorough investigation of these allegations. Once the investigation is complete, we will take appropriate responsive action.
Amy Kaufman, an LA Times reporter, said her source told her a third party, allegedly a producer, filed a complaint after watching Corinne and DeMario hook up in the pool on the first day of shooting Bachelor in Paradise Season 4 in Mexico.
Rumors fly that a producer saw it and either didn’t do anything about it or was told to hold back by production. There have also been reports that Corinne was not able to hold herself up at one point. Eonline reported that the producer who filed the complaint hadn’t actually witnessed it.
I am a victim and have spent the last week trying to make sense of what happened the night of June 4. Although I have little memory of that night, something bad obviously took place, which I understand is why production on the show has now been suspended and a producer on the show has filed a complaint against the production.
According to TMZ, DeMario says the tapes will show that it was consensual.
Another proposal makes Bachelor in Paradise 2 for 2! Two seasons, two engagements. I call that a success.
Which couples survived Paradise and Which Were Sent Home: Jade and Tanner got engaged! Tenley said good-bye to Joshua. Samantha and Nick along with Justin and Cassandra also left the island together (but their romance didn’t last long).
Tenley and Joshua
Tenley said good-bye to Joshua despite how much she cared for him. She cited the distance as a determining factor. Could it also be Joshua’s other love affair with Molly? The drug not the person. Just so we’re all on the same page, at the same party.
That’s right Jonathan not Justin! While Cassandra left with Justin after a very long engagement of one date and maybe a full day getting to know Justin, they tried to take their relationship into the real world. Turns out you need longer than a day on the island to make that relationship last. All is well though, because the most adorable couple formed on their own. Cassandra met other single dad Jonathan at a commercial shoot and it was love at first sight. Jonathan could not stop staring intently at Cassandra at After Paradise when they announced their relationship and described how they met. Even Chris Harrison made a very accurate comment that it looked like Jonathan was about to eat Cassandra alive or ravish her right there on After Paradise.They are absolutely adorable and might be my new favorite couple.
Tanner and Jade
Tanner and Jade,the undercover lovers, surprised Bachelor nation with a proposal and went even further to say on After Paradise that they didn’t want a long engagement. Could there a be another Bachelor wedding in our future very, very soon, Bachelor fans?! I for one hope so.
Has Bachelor found the secret formula for making successful Bachelor relationships? Trap Bachelor/ette rejects on an island and force them to fall in love, stripping them of all contact with the outside world (sans the tempting other Bachelor/ette rejects that join the party every week) and providing an unending supply of booze. Sounds like a delicious recipe for love. Island + Booze – Outside World + Spice (new couples entering the island) = great reality television and proposals!
Samantha and Nick
We didn’t find out if they were still together after leaving paradise, but I did some digging for us and found a little something something.
It was so awkward. They had both Carly and Kirk sit on the same couch. Carly looked visibly uncomfortable and awkward. She made a plea to Bachelor nation and all guys in general in the world to stop doing “this” to other women. By “this” she meant leading ladies on to believe the men are equally into the relationship as the girl is without giving any warning signs that that might not be the case.
Do you think Bachelor in Paradise is the new formula for Bachelor success?
Get excited for The Bachelor premiering in January with our beautiful leading man, Ben H!
Kirk and Carly call it quits! Jared breaks up with Ashley I. for the 100 billionth time. And Mikey tries to make one final hail mary before leaving Paradise.
It’s the first part of the season finale of Bachelor in Paradise. The second part 2-hour ending happens tonight at 9|8c!
As soon as Chris Harrison said look around because this was it no one else exciting is coming to the island, reality set in and most everyone said, nope I’m out. It was a race to the minivan. All kinds of familiar faces threw in the towel and threw open the sliding door to the white minivan home.
Who hands out the roses this week: Dudes
Who was sent home: Basically everyone. You name one they probably left. It is slim pickins. There are 4 couples still paired up on the island: Tenley and Joshua, Jade and Tanner, Samantha and Nick, and Justin and Cassandra. That’s it.
This week’s episode should have been dubbed Single Parents Anon, because the vast majority of people still on the island were single parents. Where do they find the time to leave for 6 weeks? Doesn’t matter. Cassandra, single mom from Juan Pablo’s season was the last of the newbies to enter the island. She asked single dad Justin on a date. Justin had just gotten an invite on a date from Jaclyn, so he had an awkward conversation that went something like Thanks for inviting me on this date, Jaclyn, but someone way more interesting just came on the island and asked me out so Immagonna take back that yes I just gave you.
Jaclyn tried to take Justin out, but Cassandra accidentally broke up that party real quick. All of a sudden Justin had two options for a date and he chose to accept Cassandra’s invitation.
Jaclyn had no one else to give the date card to so Nick the Dick asked her for it. And she made him roll around in the sand for it. It was pretty great. If you’ll remember from the last season of Bachelor Pad Season 3, Nick outwitted everyone on the show to betray a bunch of relationships and coast to a $250,000 prize. One of the couples he screwed over in the final three couples was none other than Jaclyn. So this was a little sweet revenge for her.
Meanwhile, Mikey ditched single mom Juelia, saying he didn’t have feelings for her. Man, when Chris Harrison asks the contestants to dig deep, they drop like flies.
Jared dumps Ashley I. for the final time. Ashley I. and Jared go on a Fantasy Suite date. Ashley I. still leaves a version but with some sort of whimsical Disneyland princess advice something or other Tenley leaves with her. It was actually really sweet advice. Tenley was trying to comfort her in her break up, saying that even though it hurts and that it didn’t work out with Jared, you look for those qualities in someone else.
Ashley I. did not go so quietly. She made sure she had an audience to announce her departure. As they gathered around for the rose ceremony, Ashley I. decided to break the news that she was leaving. She was like please don’t cry for me in my dramatic departure, and everyone was like okay bye. Guys, guys I’m leaving. Guess what. I’m leaving. Just want to make sure you know I’m leaving. She also got to call her sister in the minivan ride home. It was great.
Last of the Dates:
Samantha and Nick’s date
They had some fancy food that a chef flew in to make. Their conversation went like this:
Samantha: What made you want to pursue me so much. Flatter me.
Nick: You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my entire life.
Done. Conversation over. I can’t.
At the rose ceremony
Dan said something in reference to his fleeting relationships with Ashley S. and Amber, that gave Ashley S. hope in her eyes. Then he promptly said, that was great and all but I’m leaving because I didn’t find love. You could see Ashley S.’s heart sink.
Mikey tries to give a rose to a girl he barely knows. Mackenzie was like I don’t think you understand how this show works and said nope sorry I can’t accept that. She too joined the minivan ride home. Mikey, I think, I hope, he was kind of embarrassed by his last ditch attempt to find a make-out buddy on the island, laid down his rose and headed for the van home.
Kirk and Carly Break Up
After the rose ceremony and the next day on the island, Kirk told the guys that he was having doubts and had been for a little bit about his and Carly’s relationship. He was basically panicking now that shit got real. He told them he had to tell her. And so he does. That did not go well.
Carly immediately shut down all feelings. “OK, I wanna go home.”
She heaved forward. “I’m gonna throw up.”
Kirk: “Please don’t throw up.”
Carly threw herself into the comforting arms of Jade. Tenley took to becoming the den mother, preventing Kirk from going in and trying to comfort Carly. Kirk kept begging for Carly to listen to him. I was like I’m listening Kirk! Let me know! But sadly, Carly wouldn’t have it. She did not want to have another conversation where Kirk said he didn’t have feelings for her. So we all lost out on knowing what Kirk had to say. Thanks, Carly. She packed her bags immediately and rushed out of Mexico. Kirk looked shell shocked and said this was the worst break up he’s ever had. Well, yeah. You blindsided her, Kirk. I like ya Kirk, but you can’t go trying to please her and validating her feelings without any indication you’re not as in it as she is. At one point during the episode Carly told Kirk he was her person and he answered with something like “We call that ‘your idiot’ at home.” She said, okay then “You’re my idiot,” and he said, “Me too.” Carly also told him she could see her having his kids. Okay, so maybe that’s a little soon after 5 weeks of knowing a person trapped on an island with limited interactions with the outside world. Just join the Parents Anon club Kirk, it’s totally fine. I could see how that would make a person reassess. I can’t wait until we dig deeper into this on After Paradise. Bring up ALL of the feelings.
Next week, they previewed that someone gets engaged, which would mean this show is 2-for-2 in ending in an engagement. Of the sparse couples left, there is no one that far along in the relationship for a proposal, except maybe Jade and Tanner because we haven’t seen much of them. It could all just be a ruse from ABC producers messing with our hearts again. We’ll find out later tonight.
What are your thoughts and feelings about the Kirk and Carly Break Up?
JJ left voluntarily, but not before giving his rose to Ashley S. Talks with raccoons are over because Clare has left the island for a 3rd strike-out. Newbies entering the scene and messing shit up are Amber, Justin, and Nick. Justin and Nick are pining over Samantha much to Joe’s disapproval. And Amber is stealing Dan’s heart.
Who hands out the roses this week: Ladies
Couples: These are the groups I have conveniently categorized the Bachelor/ette rejects for you to keep up with each week as they mingle and disappear and reappear and stomp on each other’s hearts.
Lifers: Likely to be together for the remainder of the show, unless someone way more intriguing (read: hotter) shows up and breaks up the party. These pairs are the boring ones.
Here to Hook Up: There is some sort of connection. They’re together this week, but who knows what’s around the corner next week. A new date card. A new man or lady. A new cry sesh.
By Default: They have no other options. They’re in it by default. Kind of like the last kid chosen for dodgeball.
Previous Commentary to Catch You Up on the Ebb and Flow of Couples:
Joe did not come here to make friends, pissing off ladies and gents alike as soon as his arrival.
Clare was his first victim. Clare and the raccoon had more great talks via epic editing by ABC producers. Clare was all upset because Joe called her out for being on the show 3 times now. I mean it is a lot, Clare. You and Michelle Money can start a club.
Juelia found a connection with Jonathan. Both are single parents. Then Joe was like nope, I need you to keep me on the island until Samantha comes so I can meet her. Swoop.
Juelia in reference to Joe taking her on a date and then promptly dropping her as soon as Samantha arrived on the scene. “I don’t really know why he chose me.” Because you volunteered. He didn’t choose you. You volunteered as tribute. When Joe asked who wanted to go on the date with him, Juelia literally raised her hand. I don’t know why you’re confused Juelia.
Cruise Ship Singer Carly gave up her brother’s wedding day to be on the Bachelor in Paradise. Kirk, did you catch that? If I gave up my sister’s wedding day for a TV show, there would be hell to pay. Probably an arm of the family tree would be chainsawed off or I would be apologizing until the end of time. But you know Carly gave her brother a congratulatory phone call so we’re all good. Haters gonna hate.
In other news, Carly’s vocab solely consists of the descriptor “Freakin’.” It’s freakin’ killing me. Carly and Kirk went fishing and also to the Fantasy Suite private hotel room place. Kirk said he had trepidations about committing solely to Carly, Carly was all in, and Kirk said okay.
It might just be I’m hating because I am jealous of Carly for catching Kirk’s heart.
Megan arrived on the scene. “Megan is one of my best friends,” said Ashley I. That doesn’t surprise me. Megan is the lady on Chris Soules’ season that put on his motorcycle helmet and repeatedly hit her head on inanimate objects. Soooo.
Dan was hoping this one was here. Dan as we’ll remember was with blonde, slightly out there Ashley S., but now he’s having second thoughts and has his sights set on Meghan. Then Amber came along and he changed his mind.
Ashley I. is really into Jared. Jared not so much into Ashley I. Ashley I. is still sobbing. Her mascara remains intact.
JJ’s exit interview: “I didn’t find love on The Bachelorette and I didn’t fall in love on Paradise, but I did find myself. And these girls all think I’m awesome. So that excites me.” Please watch the entire recap as told by JJ in this video. It’s quite possibly the best exit interview, with battle drums and patriotic music crescendoing in the background. Go forth, JJ, and find your love. To be clear, the men were handing out roses so JJ did not have to leave. He chose to peace out.
Quote of the Night: “You don’t know broken, until you’ve actually walked in my shoes.” – JJ
A continuation of No Rules! Chris Harrison was like poo poo on Rose Ceremonies, Immagonna do what I want. And he brought back, Mikey AND Juelia so they could annoy the heck out of Joe have a shot at love.
Mikey is back! Did you miss him? He was kicked off like week 2 or 3 or something, but Juelia was like I regret giving my rose to Joe because now I’m kicked off and I kind of had a spark with Mikey. And ABC was like okay, let’s bring you both back and put you two on a wrestling date. No rules. I don’t think they could have picked a better date for Mikey to go on.
After Paradise is a part of the show where Chris Harrison sits down with all kinds of celebrities and Bachelor/ette rejects and interviews them. He also polls the audience via Twitter and it’s fantastic. Last week, Chris H. interviewed Joe and Juelia. Joe was very apologetic to Juelia and all of America. He described it as he was disgusted with himself. I believed him. Others were not as convinced.
If you want to read more about the Samantha/Joe and Ashley I./Jared break-ups, definitely hop on over to Possessionista’s recap.
And now you’re all caught up. See you for tonight’s episode. And then again on Monday for the After Paradise. And if that’s too much for you, don’t worry, I’ve stock-piled the wine and am ready to do the research and watching for you.
It’s week 3 of ABC’s new show andBachelor Pad replacement, Bachelor in Paradise. Essentially it is The Bachelor Pad without the cash at the end. I know you have all been dying to know what’s been happening and the latest developments. So I’ve put together a few bullets and a bonus recap of week 2 (because you CANNOT miss that one) to save you 6 hours of television greatness and to wow your friends with your Bachelor in Paradise knowledge.
How it works
Similar to Bachelor Pad but without the dough, Bachelor in Paradise is about coupling up and finding the love of your life as a revolving door of hot, eligible bachelors and bachelorettes join and exit the island.
Dates: Each week either the men or women are in charge of handing out the roses at the rose ceremony, determining who gets to stay on the island and who is packing their bags home. Random date cards are handed out to individuals on the island who get to choose who they want to bring along and have one-on-one time with outside of the island resort.
Roses: The roses are supposed to signify a person’s desire to get to know the other. Each week they alternate between the remaining group of guys and girls to hand out the roses at the rose ceremony.
The Twist: Each week more bachelors and bachelorettes join the island, keeping the pickings fresh and opening more possibilities for love (and heartbreak).
The Cast: For a complete list of bachelor/ettes to enter and exit the island, visit ABC’s site here.
BONUS WEEK 2 RECAP
If you only watch one episode, watch week 2. It might be the best thing you do all summer.
It starts with the best reenactment on reality television ever produced.
The Reenactment: Beginning with an interview with one of the crew members, we find out the real reason Michelle K. voluntarily left after the first episode of the season. I mean we all assumed she was crazy, but apparently she had a little fling going on with one of the crew members, which is a big no-no in Bachelor land. It guarantees you a ticket home and a pink slip…and in this case, two broken feet.
What Happened: Michelle K. was fooling around with this crew member when Chris Harrison knocked on her door. The crew member, Ryan Putz, got spooked and fearing for his job rushed out to the balcony. Misjudging the drop to the ground, he jumped, breaking both feet. At the time he was making his leap of faith, another crew member was escorting Elise to the show’s psychiatrist. Pause.
Two takeaways from this exchange: 1) They have an on-site psychiatrist because that’s how much this show can mess you up. And 2) That dude jumped off of a balcony because he’d rather risk an injury than get caught with Michelle K.
And we’re back. So he was caught, sent to the hospital, and he admitted on camera what had happened. The crew member who found him and was narrating the reenactment started to chuckle as she was relaying the encounter. And that is the story behind why Michelle K. took herself off of the show.
Elise and Dylan: The rest of the episode was composed of interviews with Elise talking about her love for Dylan and the “bump in their relationship.” That “bump” would be her make-out session in the ocean with Chris Bukowski, after Dylan told her they should both meet other people on the island, because he did not want to be shackled with Elise. There were so many cliches mixed in with her speeches, it was difficult to keep up.
Then! Then! At the end of the episode, Elise offered the rose to Dylan despite him specifically telling her (on more than one occasion) that he would not accept it! Dylan refused it and Elise made a speech to the entire cast. No one knew what she was saying and exchanged uncomfortable glances and suppressed smiles. She rambled on for a good 5 minutes. At one point, the lines from your typical wedding vows, “to have and to hold in sickness and in health,” popped in there. It was beyond fantastic. And the whole time Dylan stood awkwardly by her side, waiting for her to finish. Then after all of that Dylan did not get a rose from another girl and was sent home. It was amazing.
The bachelor/ette contestants refer to living life on the island as YOPO. That’s right. YOPO. You Only Paradise Once. Yup.
Can someone please find us an interpreter for Elise because I have no idea if these are sentences she is stringing together or if they’re real words or if she’s stealing lines from television shows? It’s concerning.
Elise’s speech: “Dylan and I can overcome this storm. I as a woman deserve 100 percent and a man that’s gonna fight for her. I know that you know that life brings a lot of ups and downs…” Nevermind. Got it. It’s cliches.
AshLee Frazier has laid claim to Graham Bunn and Graham is not about that.
Lacy paired up with Robert, then immediately kicked him to the curb when Marcus gave her a rose at the first rose ceremony and has been batting creepy, love eyes to Marcus ever since. Robert’s still just chilling.
Clare’s still going on about finding a guy exactly like her dad. In essence, it hasn’t changed a bit since the time she was on Juan Pablo’s season. She’s coupled up with Zach, but Zach is all about meeting new people.
Michelle Money and Sarah Herron have yet to find a connection with one of the guys on the island.
Chris Bukowski is back and hasn’t changed a bit. Still a womanizing man whore, he went after Elise, because he sensed she was the weakest link and his best shot at staying on the island. Then he popped his knee right before his date with Elise. After a visit to the doctor, it was decided he would have to leave paradise. Karma’s cruel, Chris.
WEEK 3 HIGHLIGHTS
Chris Bukowski gave his rose to Michelle Money because he thought she deserved to find love. Then he asked Elise to leave with him because his knee injury meant he could no longer be on the island. Elise took the bait and after only knowing him for 3 days? (1 day? An hour? Unimportant. Love has no timeline. ), she agreed to run off with him living happily ever after. There’s no way that “relationship” lasts outside of the limo ride home. My conspiracy theory is the producers used Chris as a scapegoat to get Elise outta there and preserve some form of decency associated with the Elise name.
There is no way this show makes it another season, but I have to say I am pleasantly entertained. How are you feeling about it so far, Bachelor Fans?