The Bachelorette JoJo: Finale!

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Congrats to the happy couple!!! Jordan and Jojo! Whose celebrity couple name shall be sung to the tune of JoJoJo or JoJordan or JorJo? JarJar?

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Who got kicked off: Robby was the last of the batch to have his heart broken by JoJo. JoJo told him she had always wanted it to be him but that she loved Jordan.Bachelor-Board_Jojofinale


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img_5413After the Final Rose

JoJo and Jordan talked about the struggles of the tabloids spreading rumors. JoJo and Jordan were quick to put those rumors to rest by announcing they were moving in together. Jordan’s leaving Chico, CA for Texas! They seem happy in love. Super awko taco was having Ben and Laruen in the audience. Only because JoJo talked about her breakup with Ben throughout the entire season. But good news, now JoJo has a semi-ex-pro football player / one degree away from Aaron Rodgers fiance to show for the breakup. But wait Ben has a TV show deal on Freeform, showcasing his new life with Lauren. There really are no hard feelings there. Everyone seems happy for everyone and Chad is still lobbying for next Bachelor. Let’s hope that’s not a thing.

 

Get ready Bachelor Fans, Bachelor in Paradise is coming!

 

The Bachelorette JoJo: FANTASY SUITE Dates Quick Recap

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“I love you.” “Thank you, but…” You can go home now. Unless you’re Robby or Jordan, then you can stay.

As soon as you reveal your feelings of love to JoJo (read: unless you’re a jock and/or kinda sketchy) you will be immediately shot down and asked to leave the premises. Luke drew a heart of flowers for her in the grass. Chase has never told anyone that he loves them. Wells had never kissed her. All of them she told them she didn’t feel the way she was supposed to feel when they uttered those words. Let’s just forget about the fact that Robby dumped his ex-girlfriend immediately before coming on to the show.

Who got kicked off: Luke was sent home at the rose ceremony from last week and every woman’s heart broke. Except not, because now Luke is back on the market! Next bachelor anyone? Chase was giving him a run for that next Bachelor spot though by coming back to apologize to JoJo after she mercilessly ripped his heart out and sent him home as they were in the fantasy suite. Gunning for that next Bachelor spot. Needless to say, JoJo didn’t keep him. She always starts her rejections with “Thank you, but…” Chase was like my heart is still open to you. And JoJo was like, “Thank you, but…” immagonna keep those two other guys destined to crush my soul.

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Bachelor in Paradise airs August 2nd. Thank goodness. Something to look forward to this summer. Because Jubilee is back! As is the Ashley I. and Jared saga! So. Many. Fun. Things. Also, don’t forget! The Men Tell All aired last night. We have the finale coming up next week, so buckle up.

 

 

The Bachelorette JoJo: HOMETOWNS Quick Recap

No one went home. All of the families were lovely. The big controversy is that Luke hadn’t told her he loved her in so many words and she was going to get rid of him according to an interview with the producers behind the scenes. Then Luke asked to talk to her right before she handed out the roses and told her he loved her. Now she’s all sorts of confused. Next week she will finish the rise ceremony and the men tell all will be on that Tuesday.

Who got kicked off: No one got kicked off yet. The emotions are too high. James Taylor and Alex never made it to hometowns, and now it’s between Jordan, Luke, Chase, or Robby.

Jordan took her to his old high school football field. Chase’s family seems great. Luke had her meet all of Burnet, Texas and then made a rose petaled heart in the grass and told her his heart was hers. And Robby I don’t trust. But his fam was very welcoming and his mom helped him ease JoJo’s mind about Robby breaking up with his ex-gf weeks around finding out he was on the show.

The only amazing thing was Luke’s date as described here by me. And my friend’s response. 


Next week we find out how the rose ceremony ends and if she can pull it together to pick the three men she’s going to take to Fantasy Suite dates! Tuesday of next week we also get a bonus day of Men Tell All.

Who is she going to dump? Who makes it to Fantasy Suite dates?

Also next week, more about how Nick Viall is the worst. 

The Bachelorette JoJo: Week 6 Full Recap

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The week before Hometowns. The boys got on a bus and are actually pretty good at rapping. We also learned the remaining bachelors learned the word Frontrunner existed. They were only allowed horses on dates this episode.

The group stayed in Mendoza, Argentina.

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Who got kicked off: No surprise. Alex and James Taylor the last two picked last week were out. We may has well have said good-bye to them last week. Only four can make it to hometowns. If you weren’t a “frontrunner” last week, you ain’t going.

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One-on-One: Alex 

Oucho Gaucho. The demise of Alex.

Alex was greeted with a hug, like one of those hugs where the other person is like your aunt or uncle at the family reunion that goes in for that kiss and you turn the cheek to bring it in for the hug. That’s what it was like for Alex. The grandma hug.

As they were riding in the car together towards their date destination, Alex announced he could freestyle. He made “JoJo” rhyme with “liquor store” and all of the magic died. Then he turned to her and said, “See what I did there? That’s like my go-to line.” Oh my lordy, Alex it physically hurts. It really hurts.

This was interlaced with video of the remaining bachelors freestyling on the bus poking fun at Alex’s height and they were actually pretty great.

To make matters worse, ABC threw Alex into a very unattractive gaucho outfit. If JoJo wasn’t feeling for him already, she sure as heck wasn’t catching any feelings now. “You look so good.” – JoJo. You are a liar, JoJo.

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Meanwhile jojo gets to look bangin’ in tight brown jeans and a white top. The final nail in the coffin was cuddling with a horse. Not really. It really went down at dinner when Alex told her he loved her and she completely shot him down.

It was the Wells breakup all over again. I’m really wanting you to open up and then when you do immagonna cut you down. Even though there was no rose on this date, JoJo sent him home right then and there. She said she had too much respect for him. This is now a thing. The new dumping model. In order to let people go more quickly and bypass the rose ceremony, essentially stripping Chris Harrison of his job, you say you have so much respect for them, rip the band-aid off and let them go. Forget another couple of nights in the 5-star hotel room. I have too much respect for you. She never really liked Alex.

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Bachelors on a Bus

Meanwhile, back in Bro-town, the bachelors were going O’Town on the bus. See what I did there? (Almost as great as Alex.) The bachelor boys were bro-ing out on a bus. (Lyrics to follows)

Quote of the date: After Alex professed his love for JoJo, JoJo shut down and told him:

“When you’re telling that you’re falling in love with me I don’t feel as excited as I should feel. In my heart I don’t think that I would get to that point.” JoJo to Alex!

But let’s be real, Alex. This can’t come as a surprise to you. You were the last one picked last episode. You almost got sent home then.

“I don’t like saying good-bye like this.” – JoJo. JoJo, you can’t just rip someone’s heart out and then want them to be ok with it. That’s cool. I didn’t need that organ anyway. 

JoJo: “I don’t know what the bleep I’m doing.” Yes you do. You’re marrying Jordan and having Thanksgiving dinner with Olivia Munn. Do it for the Munn!

One-on-One: Jordan got a second One-on-One date of the season. 

Jordan: “We’ve had a couple tough conversations.”

Like what did we do today? And what are we going to make when we have dinner with Olivia Munn. Or where are we going to summer with Olivia Munn. Oh, you’re not close with your brother and his wife? We’ll make it work.

They went to a vineyard where they crushed grapes in a barrel. JoJo hopped into Jordan’s tiny barrel and they did a cute little dance. JoJo when describing their relationship said it was a very fun one.

And then they drank their foot juice.

Followed by what else but a hot tub. Gotta rinse off all the foot joins. And in case you forgot they narrated the day for us at dinner. 

At dinner Jordan also talked about his relationship or lack thereof with his NFL playing brother Aaron Rodgers

As they were on the fate, the boys said frontrunner about 10 million times.

We learned that the boys latched on to the word Frontrunner. I want each person left to define what makes a frontrunner.

Jordan to JoJo: I am so in love with you. This was JoJo’s face. She loves him so much. She’s lighter when she’s with him. I bet you were wondering what was JoJo’s face like when Jordan told her he loved her. Well aren’t you lucky that I just so happened to rewind it, pause it, go back 10 seconds and then screenshot the exact moment. You’re welcome.

The moment Jordan told her he loved her

The moment Jordan told her he loved her

Group Date: James Taylor, Robby, and Chase

The group had a night in of games and pillow fights. They watched the Argentinian Bachelor, played truth or dare that involved Robby taking off all of his clothes and running down the hotel halls. And watched James Taylor stick a dozen french fries in his mouth before vomiting. It was lovely really. Just like any sleepover I’ve ever been to.

Chase is just hanging out on the periphery. JoJo’s cuddling with Robby on the bed, JT is hanging out by her feet and Chase is just kinda there hanging out to the side. 

On some one-on-one time with JoJo  pulled Robby away. She knew he had had a long relationship with his last gf. He dated her for three years and then broke up with her. Rumor on the bachelor mill is that robby dumped his gf as soon as he found out he was on the show. He told JoJo he  broke up with her four and half months ago…sooo right before he got on the show. Deuces. “Do you feel like you’ve moved on in that short amount of time?” -JoJo Because I want a ring homie.

James Taylor told JoJo in some one-on-one time that he feels as though they have a sweet relationship. HIs insecurities reared their ugly heads as he perceptibly told her he felt she had a physical connection with other people. I’m. uuuncomfortable. He’s right. But duuuude.

Robby lost his clothes but got the rose.

One-on-One: Luke and more horses.

I swear the the only thing to do when you’re on The Bachelorette in Argentina is to ride a horse. They only rented horses this episode. That was the only thing within budget. Luke rode in on a horse the first night he met JoJo. So it was sweet to see him back in his element. They went skeet shooting wher Luke taught her how to hit the target.

They had a moment on the hay barrel. Luke told her he wanted to enjoy life with whoever he ends up with (me! Choose me, Luke!)

Rose Ceremony

At the rose ceremony JoJo let James Taylor go. He handled it so well. He thanked her for being so good to him. she said he made her a better person and he said it’s not your fault. I hear that a lot. Don’t cry for him. He’s gonna meet someone amazing as soon as he busts out his guitar. And if not, new bachelor material?

And then there were FOUR. You know what that means!! HOMETOWNS! HOMETOWNS! HOMETOWNS!

Rumors about Robby and his ex, Jordan’s relationship with his bro, JoJo crying saying her heart is broken. We’re in for a good time!

The Bachelorette JoJo: Week 5 Quick Recap

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Luke and JoJo are heating things up. James Taylor lost his confidence. Derek had an entire ballad sung in his honor as he exited.

After a two week hiatus, The Bachelorette is finally on tonight!

A little prep from two weeks ago in case you can’t remember, the group got hot in Buenos Aires, Argentina.

Who got kicked off: Derek was sent home on the two-on-one and Wells was sent home on the one-on-one. And in an unprecedented move JoJo asked Chris Harrison for another rose and decided to keep all of the remaining men.

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One-on-One: Wells got the one-on-one but not the rose. Wells announced to the group that he was the only one that hadn’t kissed her, which all of the guys took to mean, let’s make fun of him mercilessly like high school all over again.  On their date, Wells and JoJo went to a bath. I mean a show called Fuerza Bruta (Brute Force) that was actually pretty cool, where they were suspended in midair in a water net. Finally Wells laid one on her. JoJo felt they were just friends and that kiss kinda sealed the deal for her. At dinner she called him out on his realistic view of love and let him go. And not only that but told the camera that while that kiss changed things for Wells it did for her too but not in the same way. Ouch.

Two-on-One: In an unprecedented day in Bachelor nation, they added another two-on-one date. (Turns out later JoJo was like screw that immagonna ask for another rose to keep everyone.) Derek and Chase were put on the two-on-one in an awkward tango situation. 1. Because the instructor had a slit up to there and 2. Because JoJo was uncomfortably not into Derek. The reason Chase was on the date was because JoJo was uncertain of how he felt about her. Chase dissuaded her concern and JoJo was like yes, you’re hot and look like all of my frontrunners. Yes, you’re a keeper.

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slit up to there

Group Date: The group wandered around Argentina and played an “impromptu” game of soccer with the locals. Look how cool we fit in. Jordan scored a point. Luke was looking hot. Even James Taylor made a play despite his insecurities that were running full force this episode. Someone give that man a guitar.

Quote of the Night: Goes to Derek. After a string of “freakins,” which felt very out of character for our Dunder Mifflin Jim, Derek asked himself:

Why am I crying?

Don’t Cry for Me Argentina swelled in the background as cuts of Derek sobbing and JoJo and Chase happily dancing appeared. This went on for five minutes. Five minutes of a two hour show dedicated to this sendoff. I timed it.

James Taylor: James Taylor lost all of the confidence this episode and called out to JoJo that Jordan came off as entitled sometimes. JoJo brought it to Jordan’s attention and there was some awkwardness amongst the men’s bromance.

Luke: Luke and JoJo had a make out session that made all of America hot and bothered. If you only watch one part of that episode. Go here. You might have to fast forward through all of Derek’s exit. But don’t because that’s great in too.

Rose Ceremony

Going into the rose ceremony Luke and Chase already had roses. JoJo called Robby and Jordan her jocks. James Taylor and Alex were the last men standing as JoJo held the final rose. Then in a dramatic turn JoJo asked for a minute and ran down the steps out the door. JoJo told Chris Harrison she couldn’t hand out the final rose. But TWIST! Back at the rose ceremony JoJo said she was struggling making a decision and Chris Harrison brought in two roses. Everybody wins! Well, except for the guys that looked pissed. But whatevs! Roses all around! There are no rules.

Can we also just talk about how hot this dress is.

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Jordan talks about his feelings towards JoJo. JoJo’s eyes lit up when he started talking about the future.

Tonight on The Bachelorette we’re getting ready to whittle down the playing field for hometowns! Hometowns are expected to air on July 18th.

What I wanna know was who was she going to let go at that last rose ceremony?

Who’s making it to hometowns?

 

The Bachelorette JoJo: Week 4 Quick Recap

Chad be cray cray. Damn Daniel has returned to the motherland. And penis man Evan has returned home to help penii everywhere.

The Bachelorette was not on last Monday night, because of basketball. So we have some catching up to do. Two weeks ago we left off with a cliff hanger where JoJo was forced to choose between the two marines on a two-on-one date. She sent Chad home but he returned to the house to catch up with the guys. No one was thrilled about that.

They have a rose ceremony and the Canadian Daniel and Boxer Man James F. are kicked off.

Uruguay! Finally, The Bachelorette gets some budget money to go someplace cool! The group heads to Uruguay.

The Drama. The guys get ahold of a tabloid and see JoJo printed all over it with rumors and an interview with her ex saying she was never in love with Ben. Scandalous. How in the world did that happen? Wherever would they find the exact magazine that puts into question JoJo’s true intentions? Well, the producers think this is obviously a great time for JoJo to talk to the men and dissuade the rumors because it’s only logical. Definitely not for those ratings.

JoJo cries and sobs something incomprehensible and all’s well in the land.

Who got kicked off: The first rose ceremony this week Damn Daniel our beloved Canadian and boxer man James F. were sent home following quickly on the heels of Chad. Following in their footsteps for the second rose ceremony of the night to play catch up from a week missed, were Fireman Grant, Penis man Evan, and Vinny the barber who no one remembers. I didn’t even know Vinny was still there. Did anyone else realize Vinny the barber was still around?

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Group Date: The guys get to go sand surfing, which is basically the coolest activity aside from bubble soccer. James Taylor is as adorable as ever and Dunder Mifflin Derek is getting jealous. Derek gets the rose on the group date after JoJo calls him out in front of the guys and tells them she’s giving it as a reassurance rose, which everyone knows as Alex so aptly pointed out is a pity rose.

First one to say I love you

One-on-One: Olympic swimmer Robby got the one-on-one date and they dove straight into the waves of love. It was a metaphorical leap of faith into love. The music swelled as the waves swelled and an epic make-out session ensued. Robby revealed the tragic story of his best friend who passed away in a car accident as he was texting and driving. (That’s a big no no, kids.) He was texting his gf at the time and was going to propose to her that week. Since then Robby has been unafraid of expressing how he feels. He told JoJo he loves her!

Quote of the night: Robby

“Love is a mutual thing. It’s a force that pulls two bodies together. She gave me the rose and is on the path to loving me back.”

Except that’s she’s definitely in love with Jordan.

More drama. Now that Chad is gone, everyone is hating on Dunder Mifflin man Derek. Alex is just a mini ball of fury. And Derek accuses Alex, Jordan, Chase and Robby of forming a clique. Basically, Mean Girls.

Cocktail Party Canceled

JoJo informs Chris Harrison she has made up her mind and doesn’t see the need to put the fellows through a cocktail ceremony. Chris Harrison informs the men that three of them will be going home tonight. And Evan, Grant and Vinny who no one knew was even there were sent home.

Next week on The Bachelorette, they are traveling to Buenos Aires, Argentina! Where JoJo only wears red and it gets hot and heavy.

JoJo said in the previews, “The passion that is Luke is crazy.” She also questions if there is another side to Jordan that she’s not aware of. ABC also previewed the final rose ceremony where JoJo tells one of the men that he hurt her and she’s emotionally distraught that she had to let a man go that she truly loves. It looks great. Bring on the tears!! I can’t wait for these men to meet JoJo’s brothers. It’s just getting good!

Who do you think makes it to the final four?

The Bachelorette JoJo: Quick Recap Week 3

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Chad is throwing out threats like nobody’s business. Everyone is injured. Daniel is still trying to drop his drawers in front of all the men.

This week we were #blessed with two episodes (Monday and Tuesday) each leaving the episode unfinished. Tonight’s episode started off with a rose ceremony to pick up from all of Chad’s antics last night after Evan insinuated Chad was on steroids. I mean I’m no erectile dysfunction expert myself. Ashley I recapped it nicely as did the ABC.

Who got kicked off: For the first rose ceremony Christian, Ali, and Saint Nick were sent home. Chad was finally given the boot on a two-on-one date where he openly admitted to JoJo he threatened people in the house, particularly her fave Jordan. That’s a surefire way to get the boot. Sayonara, Chad.

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Bachelor-Board_Jojoweek3aExcept maybe not. Because Chad walked back to the cabin the guys are staying at for filming and the previews don’t look like he’s leaving quietly. Full recap to follow!

 

The Bachelorette JoJo Quick Recap

A firefighter challenge was made specifically for Grant. Jordan likes to wear skinny jeans. James Taylor led everyone in song. Everybody hates Chad. (Except for the Canadian. Who loves Chad.)

Who got kicked off: Hipster Brandon, Bachelor Superfan James, and Will were sent home. 


That’s right penis man Evan is still around along with Canadian Dayum Daniel. Two of the favorites. Full recap to follow. What you need to know before that, though, is there will be two episodes next week! Monday and Tuesday. That’s right 4 hours of your week dedicated to Bachelor. Prepare your box o’ wine.

The Bachelorette JoJo: Week 1 Full Recap

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Unicorns, hammered, and Aaron rodgers’ brother. It must be The Bachelorette.

I hope you’re watching tonight’s episode instead of reading this blog, but in case you need a refresher or a reference point or something to go with that second glass of rose, have this recap.

Who got kicked off: JoJo said peace out to Coley, Jake, Jonathan (our kilt-wearing, half Asian, half Scottish friend who informed us everything below the kilt was Scottish. Uncomfortable. Now look where you are Jonathan. Let’s keep it classy. This is The Bachelorette after all.) Nick S., Peter, and Sal. (More hometown info to be added to the board to follow.)

 

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Bring Back All the Ladies:

In completely unnecessary fashion, Bachelor brought back all of the previous bachelorettes to give JoJo advice. Kaitlyn was there, Allie was there, Des was there. First of all, Kaitlyn has yet to get married to her pick. Allie didn’t even end up with her pick. And Des had her heart completely crushed by her first pick before she found Chris. So that’s a great crew. Take all of their advice JoJo. They all told her to hold off on the one she has an instant connection with and likes the most to give the other guys’ a chance. Which leads us to…

First impression rose and first kiss went to Jordan aka Aaron Rodgers’ brother. They first started talking earlier in the night and had an instant connection. After their talk Jordan was kicking himself for not going in for the kiss. So he went back and went for it. Everybody swooned.

Best introduction: Wells brought the acapella group from our childhood – All-4-One. Crooning “…like the moon and the stars I’ll be there,” All-4-One serenaded JoJo as Wells emerged from the limo. The best part is they stuck around and when JoJo had some one-on-one time during the cocktail party, they hung out directly behind them and kept singing. It was great. I want All-4-One to follow me around wherever I go and serenade me. What a great day.

The Men

Dayum Daniel: Damn Daniel introduced himself to JoJo when he got out of the limo as Damn Daniel, referencing a meme of a high school kid who would record his friend and pretty much just say that over and over again. Super awkward because JoJo had not seen that meme and had no idea what he was talking about. Then it got even more awkward because Dayum Daniel got super shwasted and took off all of his clothes. He stuck around for another episode. (Cough – producers’ pick – cough). We have to have some action after all.

Luke: Luke rode in on a white horse (named coconut no less) with a unicorn horn attached to its head. Luke was referencing the fact JoJo was looking for her unicorn – her one true love. He’s also a war vet and from JoJo’s hometown of Texas. So there’s that.

Alex the marine twin is about 4 feet tall.

Nick B.: Nick B. came as Santa. Good ol’ Saint Nick. Ho ho NO.

Derek is a Jim from The Office.


Cheesiest first line: Cheesiest first line goes to Chase.

“I mustache you a question, but I think I’m gonna shave it for later.” Super lame. Super cute. JoJo was intrigued.

JoJo: “I love all the guys that took risks tonight.”

That’s a lie, JoJo. You did not enjoy Dayum Daniel. The producers made you keep him. It’s okay, you can tell us.

Guide to keeping the James’ straight

James S. – James S. is the super fan. I found him pretty entertaining. I think America found him completely annoying. He had one bit at the end where he faked being super nervous to meet Chris Harrison. Yeah, America’s probably right.

James F. – He owns a boxing gym or something along those lines and brought mitts for him and JoJo to spar a bit.

James Taylor – James Taylor popped out of the limo playing his guitar and singing a cheesy song he wrote for JoJo.

Theme: Drunk

Cocktail attire required. That was the theme for the cocktail party. Everybody please get hammered. The Canadian was taking off his clothes. Two other fellows were interrupting JoJo’s interview recaps with the producers. And by the end of the show you could tell how many takes they had to do just to get the rose ceremony right, because it was daylight DAYLIGHT when the Bachelor rejects walked home.

Jake Pavelka: Apparently Jake Pavelka is a family friend of JoJo’s. Because he came back on the show during the rose ceremony and everyone was like WTF. And isn’t he too old for her? And who invited him back? And really, JoJo? I stand with whats her bucket on the podcast on this one. I don’t ever need to see Jake Pavelka again. There’s a reason I don’t blog about him and Vienna. The worst. Turns out ABC was trying to fool us, and he just came back to wish her luck. I’m getting tired of these fake buildups, ABC. 

I like JoJo. I think she’s going to make for an entertaining season yet! Bring on the small budget dates and trips just in the US. The Bachelorette is back TONIGHT!

Who is your top choice? Because really I feeeel like JoJo only has eyes for these top two and I can’t pick just one for my bracket. Prove me wrong, though.

PS UnREAL is coming back for a second season. If you don’t know what show that is, it’s a dark comedy about the production of The Bachelor. It’s super dark. More deets to come. Also, Andi wrote a tell all book. Has anyone read it yet? I need to know.

The Bachelorette JoJo Quick Recap

Hammered was the theme of the night. JoJo gave the first impression rose to Aaron Rodgers’ brother Jordan, as he will forever be known as on this blog. She also got her first kiss of the season from him!

Who got kicked off: JoJo said peace out to Coley, Jake, Jonathan (our kilt-wearing, half Asian, half Scottish friend who informed us everything below the kilt was Scottish. Uncomfortable. Now look where you are Jonathan. Let’s keep it classy. This is The Bachelorette after all.) Nick S., Peter, and Sal.

Bachelor Board Jojo premiere

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