The Bachelor Nick V.: HOMETOWNS!

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Finally! At long last we meet the true hero of the show: Nanny Raquel. And she is everything. Nick got a fancy new outfit. And Andi Dorfman returned.

Bring out the cheese pasta, it’s time to meet Raquel!screenshot-2017-02-21-00-37-47

Raven, Rachel, Corinne and Vanessa are the four ladies who received hometown dates. But oh wait, what’s that? Andi Dorfman returned.

Who got kicked off: No rose ceremony. Andi returned. Kristina was kicked off last week before hometowns.

the bachelor nick v hometownsHometowns! If we thought Nick struggled with planning dates, we weren’t preparing ourselves. The ladies really upped him on that one. Raven took him on a swamp date. Rachel put him through the interracial couple ringer. Corinne took him shopping. And Vanessa took him to everyone she could round up in Canada.

Raven – Hoxie, AR

Raven took him to Hoxie, AR where they rode 4-wheelers through a swamp and almost got arrested by her police officer brother. As a practical joke, Raven told Nick that in Hoxie they tell secrets at the grain bin, which I’m pretty sure if you’re not careful and fall in could kill you quickly. Like suffocate you and stuff. Not sexy. She had him climb up it with her. The police arrived, one officer went to the production crew and the other to Raven and Nick. Nick got visibly frightened and then the officer revealed he was Raven’s brother. Point for Raven!

Raven didn’t say ‘I love you,’ but I thought she said something close to that in a nice way. “There is no hesitation on my end for what becomes of this.”

Raven’s dad told her he was cancer-free and in case you haven’t been following, Raven owns her own boutique, and started it when she found out her dad was diagnosed with cancer. Romper.com reports she felt life’s too short not to do what you love.

Raven’s Boutique: Grey || Suede They have some Bachelor/ette-themed items you may want to add to your collection.

Rachel – Dallas, TX

Rachel the adorable attorney took Nick to church and then to meet her family. They talked a lot about interracial marriage. Her family is equally adorable.

Nick claimed he and Rachel “have the most explosive chemistry of them all.”

Nick: “I’m not color blind. I know you’re black.” It doesn’t matter to him because he sees her as a person he’s very much attracted to.

If by now you don’t know Rachel is the next bachelorette you have been actively avoiding all news and I feel it is my duty to tell you. Spoiler Alert: It’s Rachel.

Glamour reports in an interview on Live With Kelly, Chris Harrison let viewers know the reason for the announcement coming so early. He said it had to do with filming schedules for The Bachelorette and giving people enough time to sign up to audition for her season. It was to benefit her, he said.

Corinne – Miami, FL

Corinne dropped a cool $3k on a clothing shopping spree. Corinne also dropped the L-bomb on Nick after a casual lunch date. He smiled a smile of love and kissed her. Corinne’s dad fed him homegrown olives and expensive scotch with thumb indents on the glasses.

Pro Shopping Tip from Corinne: The dressing room is your holy ground.

Corinne to her dad: I love him.

Dad: Really?

Corinne (not understanding why her dad is confused): We’ve been dating a 1 1/2 months now.

Yup. 3 group dates a relationship makes.

There was talk about Corinne possibly being the breadwinner in the relationship.

The most exciting moment was getting to meet Raquel! Corinne’s nanny Raquel had dinner with the fam and is just truly amazing.

Vanessa – Montreal, QC

Vanessa brought back the scrapbook. She took him to see her special education students and forced them, I mean had them, make ANOTHER scrapbook of her time with Nick on the show. Her students were adorable. Kevin is my hero. They all approved of Nick. She also took Nick to both her mom’s house and dad’s house because her parents are divorced. Her mom’s house had half of Montreal in there all speaking Italian. Her dad’s house was quieter with just her dad and his new wife.

Everyone traveled to Brooklyn, NY for the rose ceremony, including an unexpected guest…

Andi’s Back!

Andi Dorfman Nick’s old lover who chose Josh over him returned and next week we find out what that means.

Fun Fact: Andi was a lawyer. Rachel is an attorney. And Raven went to law school. Common thread, Nick?

Best tweets of the night: These entertaining tweeters.

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screenshot-2017-02-21-00-37-28 screenshot-2017-02-21-00-38-21Do you think Andi came back for Nick? Or to give much-needed advice and guidance?

 

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The Bachelor Nick V.: Week 7 Quick Recap

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All of the tears…from Nick. Rose ceremonies, who needs ’em. The world is waiting with bated breath to meet Corinne’s Nanny. And the new Bachelorette is announced weeks early.

The group traveled to Bimini this week! Quick, find it on a map! All of the ladies got very excited.

Who got kicked off: Danielle M. America’s Sweetheart was sent home on a one-on-one. Nick just didn’t think their Wisconsin ties could cut it. Kristina our beloved Russian was also given the boot. Nick had a sit down with Kristina at the house before the cocktail party and rose ceremony that just doesn’t seem to want to happen and expressed how much he loved her, which was why he couldn’t bring her on the next level of Hometowns and Fantasy Suite dates because emotions get heightened and he already felt strongly for a couple other girls. Prior to that, Nick had told Chris Harrison, I want to do it very private, not at a rose ceremony, just in front of the cameras on an open porch bench. Just no rose ceremony.

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Raven has a rose going in to next week because she crushed the group date, which involved diving with sharks.

Announcement of the Next Bachelorette: And if you want to know who the next Bachelorette will be, it was announced on multiple sources and said to be officially announced on Jimmy Kimmel Live!, even though we are not even to hometown dates yet. How do you feel about them announcing the next bachelorette so early?

Nick is very stealth at avoiding awkward rose ceremonies. He’s thrown a pool party, sent two people home on a two-on-one date and gone so far as to trek to the house to let someone go before a rose ceremony. Next week we find out if indeed Nick chooses four ladies for hometown dates.

 

 

The Bachelor Nick V.: Quick Recap Week 6

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What we learned this episode. New Nanny vs Corinne’s Nanny is gold, A volleyball game has the power to make everyone pout and contemplate life, and Nick really doesn’t know how to plan dates.

Nick is like I refuse to have a rose ceremony. Take that Chris Harrison. No screen time for you.

Taylor came back to talk to Nick and assure him she was not a bully. This did nothing to sway his opinion about Corinne and Nick made out with Corinne in her up-to-there, skin-tight dress as shots of Taylor stewing in the black escalade home were interspersed with the narrative. Just lovely.

The group traveled to St. Thomas!

Who got kicked off: Dolphin Shark Alexis, Jaimi, and Josephine the serenader were the three unlucky ladies sent home at the rare rose ceremony that occurred at the beginning of the episode. Jasmine pulled a Dominique and got sent home at the cocktail hour after the group date because she wasn’t getting enough time with him. Note to self: Do not pull out the Chokey. Awko Taco. Whitney and Danielle L. were both sent home on the two-on-one. Yes, another two-on-one. Danielle L. got the rose on the two-on-one so Whitney was left on the island to fend for herself. But then Danielle L. kept talking about her feelings and dropped the L-bomb and Nick was like I’m feeling like you should go home right now.

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And so she did and Nick was left feeling hopeless and uncertain of the process. He went so far as to go into the hotel room and cry to the six remaining girls that he didn’t know if this process was going to work for him. So many tears.

I honestly don’t know how the blooper reel will survive without our beloved Dolphin Shark. You will always have a special place in my heart, Left Shark. Even if you weren’t appreciated in your time.

 

The Bachelor Nick V.: Week 5 Quick Recap

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COrinne’s Nanny earns another week of vacation, Rachel finally gets her one-on-one date, and I still can’t figure out who any of these girls are Aside from the previously costumed Left Shark

The destination this week was New Orleans! It was the site of the earliest two-on-one date in Bachelor franchise history. Rachel got her very own parade. We started with the rose ceremony that was supposed to go down last week. There is so much screen time for Corinne, that unless you are picking a fight with her or getting down and dirty in a bubble bath next to her, I have no idea who you are.

Who got kicked off: Lovely little Sarah and Astrid were sent bayou (Editor’s note: overused pun, blame the wine or Corinne. I feel like she can handle it.) Taylor was sent home on the two-on-one.

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One-On-One: First Impression Rose Rachel finally got her one-on-one date with Nick and he went all out. They went strolling around New Orleans, stumbled on their very own parade with props and and a nondescript route so they could be easily spotted by the other girls looking down longingly from the hotel window.

Group Date: America’s sweetheart Danielle M. got the rose on the group date. It was in a haunted house where a little girl was supposed to be haunting it. Nick just plans the best dates.

Two-On-One: Taylor and Corinne I feel like this was deserving of a montage of seasons’ past two-on-one winners: Ashley I. and Kelsey being left in the badlands, Olivia Caridi being left on an island. Kasey and Justin in an ice cave. We should not forget these great moments. And now Taylor and Corinne in the Bayou. Corinne got the rose. But not without a showdown. Taylor was left on the Bayou, got some voodoo water sign courage from the people on the bayou and decided to interrupt Corinne one last time.

Full recap to follow. Until then, enjoy this pithy commentary from tweeters below.

Best Quotes of the Night: These fine folk pretty much sum it up.

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The Bachelor Nick V.: Week 4 Quick Recap

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The ladies shovel Comet the Cow’s manure, Nick and Danielle L. “run into” an ex, Corinne gave her 10 millionth group speech, Vanessa brought back the scrapbook and the group traveled to the exotic location of…drumroll please…

Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Who got kicked off: Christan and Brittany were sent home from the rose ceremony that should have taken place last week. And missed out on a ton of poop-shoveling fun.

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Can we please just give pause and a slow clap to Vanessa for bringing back the long missed scrapbook? What once used to be a typical gift between contestants and their Bachelor/ette, now has become a rare gem. Vanessa’s students made it for Nick to get him to love her, but still. The best gift.

Danielle L. got the first one-on-one with Nick. And happened to run into one of his ex’s. They had a nice chat outside.

Raven got a one-on-one and met the fam, including Bella the youngest sibling and the mom and dad. She definitely got a rose and probably had the cutest date of all time – roller rink skating and watching Bella’s soccer game. PLUS, she told us the most epic story of how she found her ex cheating on her (shield your ears!) mid-thrust with another woman, in her Southern accent. Just winning all around.

Kristina the Russian got the rose on the group date.

Best Quote of the Night: 

“I don’t know if it’s cow shit or bullshit, but I smell it.” – Sarah in reference to Corinne opting out of shoveling cow manure and crying hurt hand syndrome.

Taylor and Corinne feud by the fire. Taylor explains emotional intelligence to Corinne. Corinne thinks Taylor is calling her stupid. We’re left with previews of next week leading us to believe there is a showdown between the two and one goes home.

We are still sans rose ceremony for this week.

 

Until next time, Bachelor Fans.

 

The Bachelor Nick V.: Week 3 Quick Recap

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Red continues to be the color of the hour, Corinne slept through a rose ceremony and the Backstreet Boys stole every 23-year-old’s heart, which I still don’t understand because I’m pretty sure they were 10. False 3. there is still no sign of nanny.

Nick is falling back on his old ways, having trysts with Corinne while all of the other ladies literally look on with WTF faces. Meanwhile, Backstreet Boys is making a comeback with some sweet moves and stealing every girl’s teenage heart.

Who got kicked off: The blondes – Lacey, Elizabeth, and Hailey went home at the rose ceremony that was supposed to take place last week. This week we were left hanging again, but not before Nick sent Dominique home before the rose ceremony. Do not attack Nick claiming he’s not giving you the time of day. You will be gone. Dominique, have you learned nothing from Liz?

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Full recap to follow. Until then, Bachelor Fans.

The Bachelor Nick V.: Week 2 Full Recap

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Mimosas are flowing, Moscow Mules Came Out of Nowhere, and Has anyone seen Corinne’s Nanny?

Nick went in kissing everyone these dates. No lips nor morning drinks, were spared during the making of this episode. Clothing was definitely optional.

Who got kicked off: Liz (friend to Jade of Jade and Tanner, occupation Doula) was sent home before the rose ceremony. We didn’t get a full rose ceremony last week so expect to see many more ladies gone tonight.

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Group Date: Corinne, Vanessa, Sarah, Alexis, Hailey, Lacey, Brittany, Jasmine, Raven, Danielle L., Taylor, Elizabeth W. Date card read: Always a Bridesmaid

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Photo credit: ABC

What better way to kick off the season and jinx Nick forever than with a wedding photographer shoot. The fashion photographer sported the greatest ensemble. Each girl was assigned a themed wedding gown, except for a lucky few that got to be bridesmaids.

Corinne announced,  “I’ve never been a bridesmaid. I guess I’m just a natural born bride.”

Corinne is supes pissed when the half naked Brittany showed up spray tanned and topless and looking hotter than her. Meanwhile, my favorite dolphin shark is balancing a cocktail on her faux baby belly. My girl. MVP. Shark costume straight to pregnant. Really crushing this season.

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Photo credit: ABC

Most despised girl in the house: Corinne took her top off in the pool for her “beach wedding,” photo shoot, which was just a white bikini. She also turned around to the photographer and had Nick hold her bosom. So that happened first group date. The very qualified photographer deemed Corinne the winner of the challenge, so she got extra one-on-one time and then at the after party she proceeded to steal him 3 times from the other ladies. She’s really gunning for least-liked in the house.

Corinne got the rose on the group date.

Taylor vs Corinne: Re-interrupted. Corinne got super upset when Taylor “re-interrupted” Corinne and Nick. Corinne first interrupted Taylor and then got P-O’d when Taylor came back. “There is a classy way to go about it.” Then Corinne started talking about herself in the third person. Corinne then tried to bully the mental health counselor, Taylor, into an argument. Are you ok? I’m ok. Are you ok? Because I want to make sure you’re ok. Then a speech about interrupting.

Has anyone seen Corinne’s nanny?

Raven earned my respect. I left a lot at home to come out here and I need to know if he’s the kind of man I want for a husband. She just got out of a relationship 8 months ago, owns a boutique in Hoxie, AR, and had the best quote of the night.

“If Nick likes someone who is leading with their sexuality, then no wonder it’s his fourth time. That’s really mean, but it’s true.” – Raven just became my new favorite.

One-on-One: Danielle M. America’s sweetheart got the first one-on-one. She took a helicopter ride to a land on a yacht. “I’m excited my name was on the date card.” – Danielle M. “I’m glad you’re excited. I was glad to put it on there.” – Nick

Hot tub number one appeared on the yacht. At dinner Danielle told him she lost her fiancé. He overdosed and she found him. Danielle M. thought Nick reacted great to her story and they went on a ferris wheel ride straight out of The Notebook.

Liz told Christen her secret. Please, Liz, remind me where you know Nick from, again. I’m having trouble remembering. And can you please clarify did you or didn’t you have sex? I think that was her opening line for every scene. Liz cited the encounter with Nick as an awkward interaction.

Group Date: Breakup Theme. Supes fun.

Christen, Josephine, Astrid, Jaimi, Christina, Liz. Date card read: We need to talk.

So many crop tops. The group toured the Museum of Broken Relationships. Who wouldn’t want to do that on a first date? Nick got to include a piece, one of his previous engagement rings. So that’s fun.

At the museum, there was a very fake breakup happening. The girls acted surprised when the exhibit’s curator came in and said it was part of the live exhibit. The rest of the date they performed the art of breaking up, where they each role-played with Nick a breakup. I’m telling you fool-proof dates this season.

The Breakup Speech that came true: Josephine slapped him. The other girls had witty banter about not picking up his socks. But Liz. Liz went in for the hard hitting stuff. She wrote a legit breakup letter about their relationship and how they met. The whole shebang. And she READ IT ALOUD. In front of all of the ladies. It was awkward. Liz made it awkward. She looked uncomfortable reading it. No one knew except Christen, whom Liz had confided in earlier about her relationship with Nick knew it was true. So people were genuinely confused. “So are you guys together or what?”

Looks like it’s “Or what” because at the group date after party that night, Nick said I’m out! And sent Liz Doula (not her last name, her profession, but helps keep the Elizabeth’s straight) home.

Scenes with Alexis: Not only did we get to experience her shotgun wedding, but in the bloopers, Alexis made me love her even more. She brought two cupcakes with candles out to Nick, singing happy birthday. Nick asked what they were celebrating and she told him it was the 1 year anniversary of her boob job. Her boob-aversary. I just need her to stay forever.

Best Tweets of the Night:

The Bachelor Nick V: Week 2 Quick Recap

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Crop tops, Museum of Broken Relationships and Corinne Sans Nanny are coming in hot.

Crop tops are the dress code for the season, the first hot tub has made an appearance, Corinne is stirring up all sorts of fun and Liz Doula wrote her one-way ticket outta there.

Who got kicked off: Elizabeth “Liz” the Doula was sent home last night before the rose ceremony after she wrote a very uncomfortable breakup speech to Nick as part of what was supposed to be a fake breakup act. Deuces.

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This week were left without a rose ceremony. Next week, we will likely have two. Full recap to follow.

The Bachelor Nick V. Premiere! Full Recap

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A SHARK DISGUISED AS A DOLPHIN IN HEELS, A SEA OF RED, AND A LOVER FROM THE PAST ARE READY TO KICK THIS SEASON OFF WITH A BANG (but for reals).

Bring in the limos and uncomfortable interactions! Nick is officially off on his 4th journey to find love. Good news. Every girl loves red. Every girl claims to love dolphins in their interviews on ABC.com, yet none can identify a dolphin from a shark. (The heels must be throwing it off.) They are all going to get along just fine.

Who got kicked off: Olivia, Angela the model, Lauren, Briana, Michelle, Susannah, Jasmine B., and Ida Marie are the ladies leaving us on night one.bachelor-board_nickvweek1

Bachelors of Season’s Past

They started the show by bringing back Chris Soules, Ben Higgins, and Sean Lowe to give Nick some advice. Fatherhood looks good on Sean. I had no idea why Chris Soules was there.

Most Uncomfortable First Impressions:

Jaimi: Told him she had balls. And then proceeded to pull out her nose ring. That’s not flattering. That’s where boogers live.

Hailey: Hailey told him she liked to go commando.

Hailey: “What do girls who wear underwear say?” Nick: “I don’t know.” Hailey: “Neither do I.” Classy.

Lacey: Rode in on a camel. Opened with “I hear you like a good hump. So do I.” I know people will fight me for this being one of the better introductions, but I stand by my humps!

Best Introductions:

Danielle M: She brought a homemade gift of maple syrup. She was shaking as she tried to have him taste it off of her finger. As we’ll later find out, she’s a neonatal nurse that lost her fiancé. If you don’t love America’s Sweetheart, you have no soul.

Alexis: Left Shark. Dolphin. Shark. Dolphinark. In heels. A shark disguised as a dolphin in heels. Alexis showed up in a costume. YES, she wore heels with it. I love it. Keeper. Opening line: “I ‘dolphinately’ can’t wait to meet you inside.”

Nope, still a shark costume, Alexis. But you do you. At one point she ditched her heels got in the pool making dolphin sounds. She just makes me so happy.img_8822img_8821

Sarah: She came in jogging in a gown and running shoes and made an adorable pun, saying, “I thought you might appreciate another runner-up, so I had to run up you,” as Nick has been known to be the runner up for two seasons now.

Best Quotes of the Night:

Sarah when she walks into the party. “Oh my gawd, there’s food!”

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Hailey standing next to Alexis in the Dolphinark costume during the rose ceremony: “If I don’t get a rose tonight, I’d be hugging a f** dolphin.” It’s a shark, Hailey. Left Shark.

The Cocktail Party

Dolphin Shark got into the pool and made dolphin sounds. Corinne stole the first kiss. And Doula Liz had a very uncomfortable conversation with Nick about how she thought he wouldn’t remember her. She told him the reason she never gave him her number was because she believed the image ABC had painted of him as a villain. But don’t worry she eased his disbelief with the fact that she watched Bachelor in Paradise and that changed her mind about him. Sooo there’s that. I was sorely disappointed by the lack of tricks or ways to impress Nick by stealing his time.

First Impression Rose: Rachel the lawyer got the first impression rose.

Fun Facts

Elizabeth “Liz” already met Nick at Jade and Tanner’s wedding. She was Jade’s maid of honor and she and Nick had sex. Nick had asked for her number and she didn’t give it to him those months ago. SO now Nick is like WTF, but the producers are most definitely like Nick, you gotta keep her on, we need that drama. And Nick is like fudge.

Corinne has a nanny. That is all. Just Corinne has a nanny. For herself.

A great drinking game is trying to name all of the ladies in red. Poor, Nick. He had 30 ladies and more than half wore red dresses night one. One theory is, all the ladies wanted Nick to notice them in a bold red. My theory is the producers whispered things in their ears to tip the scales and then were like GL, Nick! Try to remember the names now!

Best Nick Quote of the Night:

Taylor told Nick during their first introduction out of the limo that her friends said Nick was a piece of sh**. And after that intro Nick turned to the camera and was like, “I can’t wait to meet her friends.”

There seems to be a theme. All the ladies are playing off the fact that Nick is a very sexual person, that he was originally pegged as a douche-bag, and that he’s only ever been the runner up. So that’s fun for him.

Poor guy, I’m thoroughly looking forward to this season! I think it’s going to be a good one.

Best Tweets of the Night

Featuring witty commentary from @EricaKatoTV, @ChrisMFHarrison, @yarnaesthetic and @TheFakeBachelor

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Bachelor Brackets Update

Are your brackets destroyed? That’s because apparently I was missing a few ladies with Nick having 30 ladies to his posse.

Download Your Bracket **UPDATED (1/2/17): Bachelor Bracket has been updated: Week one added 3 ladies (taking it up to 22 ladies), Week two added 2 ladies (making 18 ladies), Week three added 2 ladies, Week four added 2 ladies, Week five added 1 lady. If you started playing this means you get to add some more ladies to your brackets and since you had to whittle it down early you already know your true frontrunners. My sincerest apologies, I will drink a glass of wine as penance.

Next Week

Previews for the upcoming season reveal Corrine trying to get hot and heavy with Nick in his room, Nick crying to the ladies that are left. From these previews it gives the impression Corinne, Raven, Danielle M., and Rachel stick around for awhile, enough to make it through some drama. Until next week, Bachelor Fans.

The Bachelor Nick V. Premiere! Quick Recap

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A shark disguised as a dolphin in heels, a sea of red, and a lover from the pasT is kicking this season off with a bang

Who got kicked off: Olivia, Angela the model, Lauren, Briana, Michelle, Susannah, Jasmine B., Ida Marie are the ladies leaving us on night one.

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Full recap and updated Bachelor Bracket to follow.