Dean Gets a One-On-One, Rapping Appears to be Making a Comeback #bringbackthescrapbook, and Chris Harrison is Shining as the Spelling Bee Host.
This week the drama with Lee has begun and he roped good ol’ Kenny into it. Not cool. We like Kenny. Peter’s still hanging out being handsome, and for some reason we’re hanging out by a dock doing a spelling bee.
Who got kicked off: Diggy, Brady the Booger-Picking Model, and Bryce the Fireman went home tonight at the rose ceremony.
One-on-One: Dean got the one-on-one date. They flew the GoodYear Blimp and went to a concert where they danced on a completely normal raised mini-square platform in a crowd of people and kissed. It was very sweet. Dean also told her how he lost his mom to cancer when he was fifteen.
Twitter Recap: These tweeters have it going on.
The Bachelorette is coming in two-fold next week to make up for lost time. Next week is double the fun with episodes on Monday and Tuesday night both 8|7c. So buckle in, stock that wine cellar or wine cans (let’s be real). (Also, PSA they make wine In. A. Can.Babe Rose´)
Good news. I figured out who Adam was. He just looks so lost without Adam Jr. around.
Mud wrestling, pole dancing and shirtless men abound. Episode Theme: Magic Mike. Ellen DeGeneres is back! And Rachel made it clear she was looking for a man, not boys.
Who was kicked off: Blake E., Lucas and Jamey were sent home at the rose ceremony. DeMario was officially sent home and reprimanded. Fred was sent home mid-group date because she just couldn’t get past the camp counselor-camper relationship.
Alex got the rose on the group date.
Anthony got the rose on a one-on-one date.
Eric, despite warnings from Lee, Bryce and Rachel’s friend Raven, got the rose on the group date, which included mud wrestling. Did I mention the group date included mud wrestling. And a stripper pole in a limo bus with a fireman. I think this was a Magic Mike episode.
Chris Harrison’s redemption season continues. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis made guest appearances. And Copper at BarkFest became the star of the season.
You go Chris Harrison. Take back your show. Chris Harrison got to introduce the date card. First, I’d like to give a shout out to Will for sneaking in the word “duplicitous.” And using it correctly. Awesome. Then, just mad props to Rachel for bringing out the cutest pup and introducing us to puppy parties.
Who got kicked off:DeMario was sent home unceremoniously this week, only to return to the mansion later to try to talk to Rachel.
One-on-One Date: Peter got quite possibly the best date in Bachelor franchise history. He flew on a private jet to BarkFest with Rachel and her pup-with-a-cast, Copper. At dinner, Peter and Rachel bonded over gapped teeth and relationship therapists. And they had fireworks both figuratively and literally speaking.
Group Date: Dean, Jack Jonathan, Blake, Iggy, Kenny, Brett, Lucas Date Card Read: I’m looking for husband material.
Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis guest starred. Don’t get too excited. The Husband Material was a semi-lame obstacle course, where apparently the welfare of the baby meant nothing. Even though I’m pretty sure that was the point of the game. Each guy was given a fake baby to get SAFELY across the obstacle course of vacuum cleaners, clogged drains and dirty diapers. I saw babies flying, being spiked and getting dunked in the sink, followed by a shot block from Lucas to make it to the finish. I question Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis’ judgment on husband material and the rules of engagement.
They did vet the men in the beginning by asking who had health insurance.
During Lucas’ one-on-one time, Whaboom’s poem fell flat. Should have gone for a scrapbook, man. Should have gone for the scrapbook.
Rachel was getting bored to death by the men at the after date party, until Dean came in and Rachel described him as “a breath of fresh air,” that he “makes me comfortable, has such a great smile.”
Dean really stepped it up and got the rose on the group date.
Best Quotes of the Night:
“If y’all wanna get on the merry-go-round, go on down to Santa Monica.” – Kenny talking about Lucas and Blake going in conversational circles.
“I’m gonna show her I can be the most valuable player in the game and the most valuable player in her life.” – Matt. You can do better than that, Matt.
Blake lives with Lucas’ ex-girlfriend. DeMario has a girlfriend back home. And Alex likes to sing. Also, BarkFest should just be a general Tuesday.
Slow Clap for Will with the Word of the Day: Will must have one of those Word of the Day calendars or the like because his use of the word “duplicitous” was just spot on. And I declare him the winner. Because I have that power.
Not a soul was listening to a word Rachel said when she walked in in this dress. This might be the only appropriate time to use Whaaaboooom.
Props, Props, and More Props: I sense a theme this season. First Impression Rose man Bryan brought out the chiropractic bed. Someone brought out a doll house to design the perfect dream home with Rachel. And I guess Iggy brought out the thumb war.
Group Date #2: Alex, Adam, Diggy, Lee, Matt, Eric, Josiah, DeMario, Will, Jaimie Date card read: Swish
The group went on a basketball date. Rachel used to play basketball competitively. They brought out Kareem Abdul-Jabbar to teach the group basketball and character. Some listened better than others. Kareem announced they would be playing a game. The guys kept saying they’re going to play in a packed house like they really needed to perform. Yes. A packed house of Bachelorette fans. Not basketball fans. Some high school kids? I mean I think you’re fine. I doubt there are scouts there. Yes, definitely a high school band.
Score: 30 to 26
Josiah got the rose on the group date.
After the game, a lady came onto the court and asked to talk to Rachel. She told her DeMario was her boyfriend up until he appeared on After the Final Rose at the start of Rachel’s Season. Rachel brought out DeMario and he acted like he didn’t know the girl after he very clearly recognized her. It was amazing. Rachel tried to mitigate the two sides in lawyerly, calm, cool, collected fashion. DeMario kept changing his story and the girl claimed he still had the keys to her apartment. DeMario maintains he mailed them back.
This saddens me. We cannot make Whaboom a thing. We CANNOT. Stand together Bachelor Nation. Be strong.
Best Tweets of the Night: Shout out to these Tweeters for their witty narratives during the show.
“If I never hear whaaabooom again life will be amazing.” – Blake
Next week, the dates begin again and DeMario returns to the mansion to see if he can’t talk his way out of getting sent home. Rachel is keeping it 100, and we find out what happens next week!
Chris Harrison’s redemption season continues. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, Ashton Kutcher and Mila Kunis made guest appearances. Kareem shook his head at the miserly 30:26 Bachelor basketball score. And Copper at Barkfest became the star of this season.
You go Chris Harrison. Take back your show. Chris Harrison got to introduce the date card. He better be careful, because Rachel’s furry friend, Copper, is coming in hot to steal the lead with a hurt foot and adorable date in tow.
Who got kicked off:DeMario was sent home unceremoniously this week, only to return to the mansion later to try to talk to Rachel. His ex-girlfriend called him out after the group basketball date and took him to court (see what I did there, please don’t abandon me). DeMario pretended like he didn’t know her after he very clearly recognized her. And Rachel had none of it. Keeping it 100, she sent him home on the spot. (Next week, we find out what happens when he tries to come back.)
One-on-One: Peter got the one-on-one date and a rose.
Group Date: Dean got the rose on the first group date, which involved grilling, football, and a poorly designed obstacle course.
Group Date #2: Josiah got the rose on the second group date, so both him and Dean, along with Peter, are safe going into the rose ceremony.
No rose ceremony this week. Next week, we’ll get to see the drama with DeMario as all of the bachelors run to Rachel’s aid and then the dates continue!
Until next time, Bachelor Fans! Full Recap to follow.
Tickle me impressed. Costumes, props and corny jokes abound for first impressions.
Season 13 of The Bachelorette with Rachel Lindsay has begun! Also known as Chris Harrison’s redemption season. Chris Harrison had his time to shine tonight! Take that Nick. Chris Harrison got to introduce the show. Rachel’s dress was banging, the introductions were entertaining and every man was fighting for her attention.
Who got kicked off: Blake K., Kyle, Grant, Jedidiah, Milton, Michael, Mohit and Rob There is only one requirement this season. You must be from Florida.
All the Ladies
Rachel brought back her very closest friends. Every lady from last season. Raven is back! As is Corinne, Jasmine G., Kristina, Left Shark, Whitney, and some girl I have no recollection of.
Raven’s advice from last season, “You just have to let yourself fall.” And she let Rachel know that Rachel’s great quality was that she pulled out the best in all of the ladies that were there.
Kenny the wrestler has a 10-year-old daughter. “I’ve been around a lot of rings in my life, but maybe the next ring that I touch is Rachel’s.”
Jack Stone is a lawyer from Dallas, TX who lost his mom to cancer and he has a dog.
Alex is a coder disguised as a gym meat head and his parents are pretty adorable.
Diggy owns more shoes than all of the women of Los Angeles. 500+ and counting.
Blake E. is a personal trainer and a sports nutritionist with a self-proclaimed higher than average libido, which he attributes to his heightened levels of testosterone. So there’s that. He talked about how he was great at sex, but there’s more to a relationship than that, citing they still have to like them, “You still have the other 23 1/2 hours of the day.” I’m not even gonna touch that. TWSS.
Lucas brought a megaphone, a t-shirt and a catchphrase. He announced himself before emerging from the limo, saying, “With one testicle larger than the other.” Rachel responded with, “Good to know, good to know.” Rachel plays along with everything. He did later narrate one of her one-on-one’s that was pretty funny. He is quickly rising to the most annoying guy on national television for his catchphrase Whaaboom. Someone grab that megaphone immediately. The guys were gathered in the house getting to know each other and trying to figure out who the obnoxious one was going to be. Then Lucas entered. “That’s the crazy one,” one of the guys announced and chuckled. “Did you guys drug test?” – Josiah
The Play on Words Offenders
Matt thePenguin (who wore a penguin costume for no other reason other than because he heard at one point Rachel liked penguins): I’m gonna waddle right into her heart.
Grant rode in the back of an ambulance, and jumped out of the back shouting, “I heard there was a woman who has been bored to death.” Rachel played along, shouting “Save me! Save me!” She likes those fun, engaging interactions.
Mohit held her hands with his hands slightly higher, saying, “I just want you to know this is the only time I will have the upper hand in the relationship.”
Bryce announced, “I want to show you my buns,” and then pulled out a basket of buns and cheese.
Brady the male model brought a sledge hammer. Yes, a sledge hammer. And some giant ice cube wrapped with giant rope that looked like he just walked out of a Frozen movie. He set the ice down, hit it with the hammer, and said, “I just had to break the ice.”
The Four Guys She Already Met
Dean, Blake E., Eric, DeMario
Dean, as we’ll remember, is the one that announced to a live studio audience, “I wanna go black and never go back.” This time he brought a mini sand pit to build a sand castle with Rachel, citing that the beach was why he moved to California. He also asked how Rachel had felt about his first comment, and Rachel, seemingly unbothered by it, told him she loved the confidence.
Eric liked to dance.
Blake E. brought in a school band and played a drum on his second-first-impression. He did not mention his libido.
DeMario was the one that had tickets for the two of them to elope to Vegas. He was another one Rachel met on After the Final Rose when they surprised her by starting the season with bringing out four men. Whitney said that a friend of a friend that went to college with him said his intentions for being on the show were not pure. Does everyone know everyone around here?
Blast from the Past Frederick Johnson, an Exec Assistant in Dallas, TX was Rachel’s camper when he was in 3rd grade and she was in 8th grade. Apparently, Fred was a very bad camper.
Weird First Impression
Jonathan surprise tickled her.
Best Props Crew
Alex our Information Systems beautiful man brought out a vacuum claiming to be part of the clean-up crew.
Milton brought a Polaroid camera for a selfie.
Adam the real estate agent brought Adam Jr., which was a super creepy, non-useful, not-really-life size, but life-like face doll that he brought.
Everyone’s Description of Adam Jr.: “That’s like low key creepy.”
First Impression Rose and First Kiss
Bryan and Rachel bantered about how Bryan was trouble, but the good kind of trouble. He spoke to her in Spanish. And they made out. Like a hot make-out.
“She is a triple threat: brains beauty and personality.” – Bryan
Rachel’s Definition of Love: “Love is a sacrifice, a compromise, an unexplained energy.” She definitely found that energy in Bryan.
We had our first and hopefully not our last rose ceremony this season! Milton expressed every woman who has ever left the mansion on night one’s thoughts, “I bought a bunch of outfits I didn’t get to show off.”
This season the previews show the men traveling to Sweden and the Swiss Alps and Copenhagen. Rachel teases the season with, “I’m putting logic aside and letting my emotions decide. I’m letting love lead the way.”
Let’s get to all the tears, heartache and love!
**Author’s Note: This post written with a case of jet lag. Also reason for it being so late and having watched the episode three times to get their cities.
“Instead you’ve noticed every part of me.” – Vanessa
Congrats to Vanessa and Nick who got engaged in Finland! Fourth time’s a charm. Or a challenge. We will see!
The Bachelor Finale and the start of The Bachelorette? Well, that’s unprecedented. After the final rose on After The Final Rose, Nick and Vanessa came out to show how rocky their relationship was, but covered it up saying it was “challenging” and that they’re still very much in love, Raven came out to be so poised towards Nick about the breakup and find out she’s on Bachelor in Paradise, and Rachel came out and ABC started her season of The Bachelorette. Bring out the men.
Who got kicked off: Raven went home as Nick said good-bye to our saucy southerner and hallo to our Canadian girl.
Raven and Vanessa met the family. For Raven this was the second time, because back in the beginning episodes she had gone to Bella’s (Nick’s younger sister) soccer game and met the fam. The dates were very different. Vanessa spent all of her date crying…with Nick’s family…after meeting Nick’s family. Just because. Nick’s dad cried. Nick’s mom cried. Nick cried. It was a lot of tears.
Vanessa might have been crying because her date consisted of a sled ride that ended in meeting Santa. Yes, Santa Claus.
Meanwhile, Raven got to fool around on ice skates and play with puppies! Yes, puppies!!
Despite all of the fun that he had with Raven, Nick chose the more challenging, but loving relationship he had with Vanessa.
After the Final Rose
The happy couple came out. Vanessa talked a lot about their relationship and said it was hard, but that they were working through it and still in love. Look at the size of that rock! Neil Lane said it was the largest one he had done. I think that’s the one Nick chose.
Warning this might break your heart about Vanessa. While she is a special education teacher for adults. She’s also an aspiring, or previously aspiring, actress. She has her own whole IMDB page. I feel used.
Raven got a pretty great conciliatory prize. She’s going to Bachelor in Paradise.
The Start of The Bachelorette
Rachel came out looking hotter than ever in a killer jumpsuit. With. A. Cape. Yas queen.
Chris Harrison’s advice to Rachel: “Always listen to the host.” Read: Don’t write me out of the show. Like Nick did. Every episode.
Rachel came out in an all black effin pant suit and cape. She was killing it. She looked gorgeous. A-game. Aaaaand they immediately dragged out a faux Bachelor Mansion backdrop and a bunch of the men. They started her season of The Bachelorette right then and there.
Four men came out for Vanessa’s season and gave their introductions. One of them danced with her. One of them said, “I’m ready to go black and never look back.” Can you say that? I’m pretty sure you can’t say that. Did he just say that? Can you say that?
The dancing man
And another did a magic trick, gave her two tickets to Vegas and pulled out a ring and said, “You like that? It’s all yours.” Umm, yes. This season is going to be good.
They couldn’t shuffle out Nick and Vanessa fast enough. ABC was like don’t look at this challenging relationship for Nick’s fourth attempt, but instead look at this here Bachelorette and all the hope she brings to the franchise!I’m all for it. Let’s pop the bubbly, uncork the wine and bring out Rachel and her men! The remainder of her premiere starts May 22, 9|8c. See you then, Bachelor Fans.
Congrats to the happy couple!!! Jordan and Jojo! Whose celebrity couple name shall be sung to the tune of JoJoJo or JoJordan or JorJo? JarJar?
Who got kicked off: Robby was the last of the batch to have his heart broken by JoJo. JoJo told him she had always wanted it to be him but that she loved Jordan.
After the Final Rose
JoJo and Jordan talked about the struggles of the tabloids spreading rumors. JoJo and Jordan were quick to put those rumors to rest by announcing they were moving in together. Jordan’s leaving Chico, CA for Texas! They seem happy in love. Super awko taco was having Ben and Laruen in the audience. Only because JoJo talked about her breakup with Ben throughout the entire season. But good news, now JoJo has a semi-ex-pro football player / one degree away from Aaron Rodgers fiance to show for the breakup. But wait Ben has a TV show deal on Freeform, showcasing his new life with Lauren. There really are no hard feelings there. Everyone seems happy for everyone and Chad is still lobbying for next Bachelor. Let’s hope that’s not a thing.
Get ready Bachelor Fans, Bachelor in Paradise is coming!
“I love you.” “Thank you, but…” You can go home now. Unless you’re Robby or Jordan, then you can stay.
As soon as you reveal your feelings of love to JoJo (read: unless you’re a jock and/or kinda sketchy) you will be immediately shot down and asked to leave the premises. Luke drew a heart of flowers for her in the grass. Chase has never told anyone that he loves them. Wells had never kissed her. All of them she told them she didn’t feel the way she was supposed to feel when they uttered those words. Let’s just forget about the fact that Robby dumped his ex-girlfriend immediately before coming on to the show.
Who got kicked off: Luke was sent home at the rose ceremony from last week and every woman’s heart broke. Except not, because now Luke is back on the market! Next bachelor anyone? Chase was giving him a run for that next Bachelor spot though by coming back to apologize to JoJo after she mercilessly ripped his heart out and sent him home as they were in the fantasy suite. Gunning for that next Bachelor spot. Needless to say, JoJo didn’t keep him. She always starts her rejections with “Thank you, but…” Chase was like my heart is still open to you. And JoJo was like, “Thank you, but…” immagonna keep those two other guys destined to crush my soul.
Bachelor in Paradise airs August 2nd. Thank goodness. Something to look forward to this summer. Because Jubilee is back! As is the Ashley I. and Jared saga! So. Many. Fun. Things. Also, don’t forget! The Men Tell All aired last night. We have the finale coming up next week, so buckle up.
The week before Hometowns. The boys got on a bus and are actually pretty good at rapping. We also learned the remaining bachelors learned the word Frontrunner existed. They were only allowed horses on dates this episode.
The group stayed in Mendoza, Argentina.
Who got kicked off: No surprise. Alex and James Taylor the last two picked last week were out. We may has well have said good-bye to them last week. Only four can make it to hometowns. If you weren’t a “frontrunner” last week, you ain’t going.
Oucho Gaucho. The demise of Alex.
Alex was greeted with a hug, like one of those hugs where the other person is like your aunt or uncle at the family reunion that goes in for that kiss and you turn the cheek to bring it in for the hug. That’s what it was like for Alex. The grandma hug.
As they were riding in the car together towards their date destination, Alex announced he could freestyle. He made “JoJo” rhyme with “liquor store” and all of the magic died. Then he turned to her and said, “See what I did there? That’s like my go-to line.” Oh my lordy, Alex it physically hurts. It really hurts.
This was interlaced with video of the remaining bachelors freestyling on the bus poking fun at Alex’s height and they were actually pretty great.
To make matters worse, ABC threw Alex into a very unattractive gaucho outfit. If JoJo wasn’t feeling for him already, she sure as heck wasn’t catching any feelings now. “You look so good.” – JoJo. You are a liar, JoJo.
Meanwhile jojo gets to look bangin’ in tight brown jeans and a white top. The final nail in the coffin was cuddling with a horse. Not really. It really went down at dinner when Alex told her he loved her and she completely shot him down.
It was the Wells breakup all over again. I’m really wanting you to open up and then when you do immagonna cut you down. Even though there was no rose on this date, JoJo sent him home right then and there. She said she had too much respect for him. This is now a thing. The new dumping model. In order to let people go more quickly and bypass the rose ceremony, essentially stripping Chris Harrison of his job, you say you have so much respect for them, rip the band-aid off and let them go. Forget another couple of nights in the 5-star hotel room. I have too much respect for you. She never really liked Alex.
Bachelors on a Bus
Meanwhile, back in Bro-town, the bachelors were going O’Town on the bus. See what I did there? (Almost as great as Alex.) The bachelor boys were bro-ing out on a bus. (Lyrics to follows)
Quote of the date: After Alex professed his love for JoJo, JoJo shut down and told him:
“When you’re telling that you’re falling in love with me I don’t feel as excited as I should feel. In my heart I don’t think that I would get to that point.” JoJo to Alex!
But let’s be real, Alex. This can’t come as a surprise to you. You were the last one picked last episode. You almost got sent home then.
“I don’t like saying good-bye like this.” – JoJo. JoJo, you can’t just rip someone’s heart out and then want them to be ok with it. That’s cool. I didn’t need that organ anyway.
JoJo: “I don’t know what the bleep I’m doing.” Yes you do. You’re marrying Jordan and having Thanksgiving dinner with Olivia Munn. Do it for the Munn!
One-on-One:Jordan got a second One-on-One date of the season.
Jordan: “We’ve had a couple tough conversations.”
Like what did we do today? And what are we going to make when we have dinner with Olivia Munn. Or where are we going to summer with Olivia Munn. Oh, you’re not close with your brother and his wife? We’ll make it work.
They went to a vineyard where they crushed grapes in a barrel. JoJo hopped into Jordan’s tiny barrel and they did a cute little dance. JoJo when describing their relationship said it was a very fun one.
And then they drank their foot juice.
Followed by what else but a hot tub. Gotta rinse off all the foot joins. And in case you forgot they narrated the day for us at dinner.
At dinner Jordan also talked about his relationship or lack thereof with his NFL playing brother Aaron Rodgers
As they were on the fate, the boys said frontrunner about 10 million times.
We learned that the boys latched on to the word Frontrunner. I want each person left to define what makes a frontrunner.
Jordan to JoJo: I am so in love with you. This was JoJo’s face. She loves him so much. She’s lighter when she’s with him. I bet you were wondering what was JoJo’s face like when Jordan told her he loved her. Well aren’t you lucky that I just so happened to rewind it, pause it, go back 10 seconds and then screenshot the exact moment. You’re welcome.
The moment Jordan told her he loved her
Group Date: James Taylor, Robby, and Chase
The group had a night in of games and pillow fights. They watched the Argentinian Bachelor, played truth or dare that involved Robby taking off all of his clothes and running down the hotel halls. And watched James Taylor stick a dozen french fries in his mouth before vomiting. It was lovely really. Just like any sleepover I’ve ever been to.
Chase is just hanging out on the periphery. JoJo’s cuddling with Robby on the bed, JT is hanging out by her feet and Chase is just kinda there hanging out to the side.
On some one-on-one time with JoJo pulled Robby away. She knew he had had a long relationship with his last gf. He dated her for three years and then broke up with her. Rumor on the bachelor mill is that robby dumped his gf as soon as he found out he was on the show. He told JoJo he broke up with her four and half months ago…sooo right before he got on the show. Deuces. “Do you feel like you’ve moved on in that short amount of time?” -JoJo Because I want a ring homie.
James Taylor told JoJo in some one-on-one time that he feels as though they have a sweet relationship. HIs insecurities reared their ugly heads as he perceptibly told her he felt she had a physical connection with other people. I’m. uuuncomfortable. He’s right. But duuuude.
Robby lost his clothes but got the rose.
One-on-One:Lukeand more horses.
I swear the the only thing to do when you’re on The Bachelorette in Argentina is to ride a horse. They only rented horses this episode. That was the only thing within budget. Luke rode in on a horse the first night he met JoJo. So it was sweet to see him back in his element. They went skeet shooting wher Luke taught her how to hit the target.
They had a moment on the hay barrel. Luke told her he wanted to enjoy life with whoever he ends up with (me! Choose me, Luke!)
At the rose ceremony JoJo let James Taylor go. He handled it so well. He thanked her for being so good to him. she said he made her a better person and he said it’s not your fault. I hear that a lot. Don’t cry for him. He’s gonna meet someone amazing as soon as he busts out his guitar. And if not, new bachelor material?
And then there were FOUR. You know what that means!! HOMETOWNS! HOMETOWNS! HOMETOWNS!
Rumors about Robby and his ex, Jordan’s relationship with his bro, JoJo crying saying her heart is broken. We’re in for a good time!
Luke and JoJo are heating things up. James Taylor lost his confidence. Derek had an entire ballad sung in his honor as he exited.
After a two week hiatus, The Bachelorette is finally on tonight!
A little prep from two weeks ago in case you can’t remember, the group got hot in Buenos Aires, Argentina.
Who got kicked off: Derek was sent home on the two-on-one and Wells was sent home on the one-on-one. And in an unprecedented move JoJo asked Chris Harrison for another rose and decided to keep all of the remaining men.
One-on-One: Wells got the one-on-one but not the rose. Wells announced to the group that he was the only one that hadn’t kissed her, which all of the guys took to mean, let’s make fun of him mercilessly like high school all over again. On their date, Wells and JoJo went to a bath. I mean a show called Fuerza Bruta (Brute Force) that was actually pretty cool, where they were suspended in midair in a water net. Finally Wells laid one on her. JoJo felt they were just friends and that kiss kinda sealed the deal for her. At dinner she called him out on his realistic view of love and let him go. And not only that but told the camera that while that kiss changed things for Wells it did for her too but not in the same way. Ouch.
Two-on-One: In an unprecedented day in Bachelor nation, they added another two-on-one date. (Turns out later JoJo was like screw that immagonna ask for another rose to keep everyone.) Derek and Chase were put on the two-on-one in an awkward tango situation. 1. Because the instructor had a slit up to there and 2. Because JoJo was uncomfortably not into Derek. The reason Chase was on the date was because JoJo was uncertain of how he felt about her. Chase dissuaded her concern and JoJo was like yes, you’re hot and look like all of my frontrunners. Yes, you’re a keeper.
slit up to there
Group Date: The group wandered around Argentina and played an “impromptu” game of soccer with the locals. Look how cool we fit in. Jordan scored a point. Luke was looking hot. Even James Taylor made a play despite his insecurities that were running full force this episode. Someone give that man a guitar.
Quote of the Night: Goes to Derek. After a string of “freakins,” which felt very out of character for our Dunder Mifflin Jim, Derek asked himself:
Why am I crying?
Don’t Cry for Me Argentina swelled in the background as cuts of Derek sobbing and JoJo and Chase happily dancing appeared. This went on for five minutes. Five minutes of a two hour show dedicated to this sendoff. I timed it.
James Taylor: James Taylor lost all of the confidence this episode and called out to JoJo that Jordan came off as entitled sometimes. JoJo brought it to Jordan’s attention and there was some awkwardness amongst the men’s bromance.
Luke: Luke and JoJo had a make out session that made all of America hot and bothered. If you only watch one part of that episode. Go here. You might have to fast forward through all of Derek’s exit. But don’t because that’s great in too.
Going into the rose ceremony Luke and Chase already had roses. JoJo called Robby and Jordan her jocks. James Taylor and Alex were the last men standing as JoJo held the final rose. Then in a dramatic turn JoJo asked for a minute and ran down the steps out the door. JoJo told Chris Harrison she couldn’t hand out the final rose. But TWIST! Back at the rose ceremony JoJo said she was struggling making a decision and Chris Harrison brought in two roses. Everybody wins! Well, except for the guys that looked pissed. But whatevs! Roses all around! There are no rules.
Can we also just talk about how hot this dress is.
Jordan talks about his feelings towards JoJo. JoJo’s eyes lit up when he started talking about the future.
Tonight on The Bachelorette we’re getting ready to whittle down the playing field for hometowns! Hometowns are expected to air on July 18th.
What I wanna know was who was she going to let go at that last rose ceremony?