Apologies for the delayed post. I missed Monday night’s show (gasp, I know) so caught up via the wonders of online.

Overall this week’s episode was dominated by the annoying things Ryan says (see below).

Who Got Kicked Off: The unfortunate souls with red X’s were kicked off this week. I’m sad we didn’t get to see more of Charlie. He seemed like a great guy. Lucky for us (sense the sarcasm) we get to see more of Kalon and Ryan.

One-On-One: Doug and Emily went on a date walking around exploring Bermuda. Emily, so thoughtfully wrote a postcard back to Doug’s son (as we’ll remember Doug received the first impression rose night one and gave Emily a letter his 12-year-old son had written to her). Then they went to dinner where Emily grilled Doug and tried to break his “perfect” facade. She had trepidations of him being too perfect and too similar to Brad. Despite Doug’s determination to provide the perfect canned response to all of Emily’s questions, Emily gave him the rose.

Quote of the date: Doug tells ABC, “If Emily wants a kiss from Doug, she’ll let Doug know she wants a kiss.” If Emily knew you were talking in third person, Emily might be rethinking giving you that rose. Also, I think she gave you a signal that she wanted that kiss.

Group Date: The men split into two teams and raced each other to win more time with Emily. The red team vs the yellow team. There was a little back and forth, but in the end the yellow team (consisting of Arie, Jef, Ryan and Kalon) won. The red team returned the hotel in defeat while the yellow team cracked champagne with Emily. Despite not going in for a kiss when he had alone time with Emily on the beach, Jef got the rose. Woot woot. Still a fan of Jef-without-the-f.

Quote of the date goes out to Emily. Emily referring to the guys’ lack of sailing knowledge: “I think a couple had a booze cruise but that does not a sailor make.” So witty.

Two-On-One: The date card read, “Let’s explore the Bermuda love triangle.” Confession: I enjoy the clever phrasing on the date cards a lot and admittedly I was a little too entertained by the play on words this time around. Nate and John (also known as Wolf, also known as Data Destruction Specialist) went on this date and the three went cliff diving followed by an awkward dinner in a cave.

Nate – Maybe it was the nerves or missing his family, but for some reason he started crying while he was talking to Emily during their one-on-one time. Not sure why…just started crying….Anyway, Emily said she liked John’s confidence (Well, you need to be pretty confident to have the nickname Wolf and be a data destruction specialist.) and gave him the rose.

Sh*t Ryan Says: If there isn’t a Tumblr out there yet, I’m sure it’s bound to happen. I’ve collected a few quotes from Ryan. Read at your own risk.

On the group date he toasts to “a fun day of sailing and a beautiful, possibly trophy wife.” Not okay with the demeaning comments, Ryan.

“If you ain’t cheatin’, you ain’t tryin.” Translation: I’m a bit of a D-bag and I’m okay with it.

“God designed you to be a beautiful woman so be a beautiful woman.” He calls it flirtation. I call it assery.

“I think there’s a lot of depth between us.” Yes, a great divide because no one ever knows what you’re talking about.

“I’ve been called to something bigger, y’know.” No, Ryan. No I don’t.

“I’ve got a lot going for me. I’m just doing my due diligence. I’m a really good catch.” Humble much?

“Whether I end up with her or not, this is part of the journey that I’m walking. This is the path.” Yes, yes it is. Thank you for the superfluous update, Captain Obvious.

“The guys do see me as the head of the pack.” Hmmm…Wolf, any thoughts on that one?

“If I were the bachelor I’d be ready to open my heart up and it’d be neat for everyone to see.” Are you interested in Emily or just gunning to be the next bachelor? News flash: no one is going to want to date you.

Emily confided to Chris prior to giving out the roses, that she knows Ryan was manipulative and thinks he “has [Emily] wrapped around his little finger.” Yet she’s still keeping him around.

Chris vs Doug: The 8 year age gap between the two caused a little tiff and tension. We’ll see how that progresses.

Next week, London and we get to see who Emily tells to get the f*ck out. Until next time, Bachelor Fans!

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