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As promised, a recap of last week’s episode. I realize I’m a little behind on my postings so I’ll make this brief. That and I missed the first 15 minutes last week. I know, shameful. I got home and Travis was gone. Admittedly, I didn’t realize he was out until much later in the episode. Sorry, Travis. I liked you alright but you were just never a front-runner this season. Don’t blame Shelly.

Who Got Kicked Off: The one’s with red X’s were sent a-packin’.

Destination: Croatia

One-On-One: Travisgot the first one this episode, but I guess it didn’t go so well, because he didn’t make it through the episode.

Group Date:I tuned in right around here and planned on watching it online but just didn’t have the chance. At least I didn’t miss the make-out session between Emily and Arie. The pair stole away from the group for some alone time. They joked about taking their sweet time getting back to the others and Emily playfully pulled them over to look into a window to prolong the journey. Then Arie smoothly pushes her against the wall. HOT. Cue make-out music and Arie’s hands running through her hair. (Anyone else notice how his hands automatically shoot for her hair or face every time they make out? Just me?)

Back on the date she snuggled under a blanket with Jef, where she tells Jef that he keeps her guessing, which she likes and scolded him for taking “so daggone long” to kiss her. They’re kind of adorable together. But it was Chris who left the group date with the rose.

One-On-One: Ryan, oh Ryan Ryan Ryan. So the date started out with Ryan and Emily oyster diving (diving? hunting? whatever, they found oysters on a boat). Of course we couldn’t get away without the obligatory “Did you know oysters are aphrodisiacs?” comment. Emily couldn’t stomach it though and admitted it was “definitely not putting [her] in the mood.” I can see why she’s kept Ryan around though. He’s flirtatious and fun. He’s also reeallly into himself and borderline chauvinistic – nope actually chauvinistic.

Ryan made his typical “You’re a trophy wife, Emily” comment and it did not sit well with her. Bonus points for Emily for wearing a gold dress to dinner that night and making a comment about being a trophy. I was tempted to high-five the TV screen, but I refrained. (That’s a lie. I gave you multiple high-fives, Emily. I’m a sucker for irony.)

At dinner Paper Boy Ryan returned! Remember that Ryan was the one who wrote her a note first stepping out of the limo and a seven page novel after their first date. Yes, the paper has returned only this time in the form of a list. Ryan made a list of all the things he was looking for in a wife. Happy to report looks weren’t first on the list, but I think he did that strategically. I think he thought the list would seal the deal but all it did was backfire. Emily saw that his list did not match what she would put on her list and she chose not to give him the rose. Her explanation:

“I told myself going into this that I was going to follow my heart and sometimes what my heart and head are saying are different. None of it doesn’t make sense and none of it is very logical.”

I think she’s following her intuition pretty well. Yeah, Ryan’s fun for awhile but that is not going to work out in the end.

Then, I don’t think I’ve seen this happen before, but Ryan just couldn’t accept that he was being sent home and if I’m not mistaken 4th grade-style tried to peer pressure her into giving him the rose. Dude, she already rejected you. Take your turquoise-clad feet to the limo. It was really uncomfortable.

Ryan: “I can’t imagine how shocked the guys are.” Cut to all of the guys in the house high-fiving and hugging over his departure. Kudos to ABC editors. Hilarious.

Ryan’s Ridiculous Quotes: I know I give him a hard time but I will miss all of the content he provided. To send you off, Ryan, I think we should take a look at some of your quotes from this episode:

“I put on my turquoise shoes to impress you.” – Shoes = awesome. You, Ryan, not so much. It’s the trophy wife thing that just puts a bad taste in my mouth.

“I keep things fresh and new.” – True, we never know what you’re going to say next.

“I’m a very good-looking guy.” – Humble much?

In the limo, rambling so he can hear his own voice: “Losing sucks. When you look at me I think of a winner. I think some of the greatest men in the world [pause] y’know, y’know, something causes them to fall down y’know and they get back up. While I’ve been blessed with many gifts, those are not worth being confident in.” – Not sure where you were going with this but okay.

And my personal favorite: “I’m a bit of a perfectionist. Everyday I look in the mirror and I ask myself: Who do you want to be today. Most guys don’t do that.” – That’s because most men are normal.

He also mentioned his concern for being portrayed as an “arrogant ass” on the show. Too late. I will say this, I’m going to miss that guy. He was pretty entertaining.

After her date with Ryan, Arie snuck over to Emily’s hotel to let her know she made the right decision. He was also trying to make up for last week when she put him in the doghouse for not having her back (he didn’t tell her how awful Kalon was). She called him last at the rose ceremony and really made him sweat. Snuggled up on the couch together, Emily playfully gave Arie the rose meant for Ryan but told him he had to hide it from the other men. It was cute.

Rose Ceremony: Going into the rose ceremony, Emily confided Doug and Wolf were on the bubble. At the cocktail party, Wolf aka John aka Data Destruction Specialist showed his soft side to Emily. He showed her the worn funeral cards from his gransparents’ funerals, cards he’s carried around with him for 13 years. He told Emily, “I believe [my grandpa] is my guardian angel and moves the chess pieces in my life.” Now that’s a soundbite. Television gold, right there. I like that quote a lot.

Worth noting is Doug and Emily’s awkward one-on-one interaction at the cocktail party. He is not smooth. I think he’s afraid that if he touches her, she will turn to stone or something. He seems very sweet, but watching them interact is so awkward. We also learned that the guys call him “Humble Doug” in the house. Well, I’m deeming him “Best Friend Doug.” (Throwback to The Hangover and the tiger song – “Well then I’m gonna give him a best friend hug.) Doug I think has forgotten how to date.

At the rose ceremony Emily gets down to the final rose, leaving Doug and Wolf aka John aka Data Destruction Specialist standing anxiously, hearts racing, making uncomfortable facial expressions. Then Emily rushes outside and has a pow-wow with Chris Harrison. He tells her there are no rules on the show. When she returns to the ceremony Emily makes a very convincing announcement that she can’t hand out the final rose. Then psyche, Chris Harrison comes in with another rose saying, “Here’s the extra rose you ordered.” And Doug and Wolf make it through another round. Emily felt both had made an effort to show her more and move their relationships along so she wanted more time.

Next up, Prague. Until then, Bachelor Fans.

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