Fantasy Suite Date Cards Galore! A Tent For a Date. An Ex Returns For His Girl and Arie’s Living it Up in Peru Throwing Around the “L” Word Like It’s Confetti.
Arie and his final three ladies traveled to Peru for adventures and Fantasy Suite Date Cards. He said, “I love you,” to ALL of the ladies over and over again. Dropped the “L” bomb just like that. Arie’s like poo poo ABC and your rules, I do what I want.
Who got kicked off: Our beloved, quirky Kendall was sent home at the rose ceremony. Arie pulled her aside and they both saw their relationship wasn’t as far along as the others. Until next time, Kendall. My fingers are crossed for a Bachelor in Paradise reunion with you, your quirkiness, and your taxidermy. A beach is a very nice place for a ukele. Just sayin’. Peace.
The Twist! ‘Twas Beccawhose ex returned to find her love. This guy flew all the way to Peru to give it a go with Becca. That is commitment there, ladies. He talked to Arie. It was awkward. Arie was like I literally just had a fantasy suite date with this girl you claim to love…
Becca had none of it and didn’t want that to affect her and Arie’s relationship. She went back to Arie and all’s good in the hood. Also, timeline. Becca dated the ex guy for 7 years and it was weird timing that he and Becca had broken up one year ago at this very similar time.
Anywhooos, Arie was like I need to process and didn’t know if he wanted to have to deal with the crazy ex if he did choose Becca. He asked, is this going to be a problem in our relationship later? Translation: I’m going to use this as an excuse when I pick Lauren B. over Becca. (Disclaimer: I have no idea who he chooses. I’m just being snarky. I don’t read the spoilers! They take away from the surprise!)
Two ladies are left! Lauren B. and Becca K.
Also, Becca’s date included a tent in the desert. Just a tent. Just a bed. In the desert.
Next week Monday AND Tuesday, March 5th and 6th at 8|7c is the Bachelor finale! Reality Steve and TV Guide indicate there will be a 2 hour finale and a 1 hour After the Final Rose on Monday night and a second follow-up After the Final Rose for 1 hour on Tuesday night. Yes, two nights. Buckle up, stock up and pour yourself a glass…from that box o’ wine. You deserve it.
Jamaican me crazy. I love you’s all around. Because why not. Somebody bring back awko-taco! Sea turtles trump ocean pigs any day.
Ben traveled to Jamaica for his Fantasy Suite dates with Caila, Lauren B., and JoJo. He told two women he loves them…multiple times. If you skip ahead to the photo you can guess that the only one who was not on the receiving end of an “I love you” was Caila.
Who got kicked off: Caila was given the boot after Fantasy Suite dates. After she surprised him before the rose ceremony. It was uncomfortable.
Caila, Lauren B. and JoJo made it to the Fantasy Suite Dates. Lauren B. and JoJo are going to meet Ben’s parents in two weeks.
The gist: Caila is just too happy for Ben. He can’t break down her barriers. The start of the date was weird. They were on a raft, without a cameraman mind you, and they were not talking. Caila was in her head worried about the date and Ben being with the other ladies. Ben was wondering what was up. Caila told him at dinner she loved him. Ben didn’t say anything back. They went to the fantasy suite.
What Ben said about Caila:
“Caila is always smiling. I want her to open up.”
Ben took Lauren on the cutest date in the history of Bachelor. But like for reals. They helped hatch baby sea turtles and free them into the ocean. Granted, about 1 in 1,000 of those will actually survive to full adulthood, but still, the cutest. And not just because Ben deemed it so. I’m booking my trip to Jamaica immediately. Turtles trump ocean pigs any day of the week. Fact. Lauren B. and Ben also prayed over the bucket of sea turtles before sending the baby sea turtles free into the ocean.
They sat on the beach. They talked about Lauren B.’s hometown and how Ben cried to her sister Mollie. Then Ben got a little school boy on us. He got all shy and weird and said Mollie (Lauren B.’s sister) was right, that Lauren B. was too good for him. Say what? Lauren B. was taken aback and said she felt the same way. Not that she was too good for him (though that would have been way more fun to write about), but that he was too good for her.
They went to dinner and dancing. Lauren B. told him she loved him. Ben got crazy with saying “I love you” back to her about a bajillion times. I’m positive. I counted.
What Ben said about her:
“Lauren B. is the closest thing I’ve felt to love at first sight.”
“I look at her with googly eyes.”
“She may be too good for me.”
“There are still questions, like ‘how as a dude not scooped you up?'” Okay, first of all this is a stupid question. Why are you on The Bachelor, Ben? Why haven’t you figured out why the pot is calling the kettle black. Why are you trying to ruin my bracket?
Ben took JoJo to a secluded waterfall where they could jump into the water and metaphorically into their new relationship. JoJo told him she loved him, saying she could only picture the future with him in it. Ben looked her in the eye and said, “JoJo, I love you.”
They went to dinner. JoJo called him out on the fact she was surprised he said it back. Ben said he said it because he knew how he felt. Do you, Ben? DO YOU? You told both ladies you love them. (I’ve already forgotten about Caila.) I feel this is going to cause you trouble come choosing time.
What Ben said about JoJo:
“I feel very confident around JoJo.”
“I’m more myself around JoJo than any other person.” *Not completely factual. Something like that. Close enough. Stop judging.
“She opens up a whole new side to me. One where I can laugh more.”
“Your brothers scared the ish out of me. But it’s cool.” *Okay, so again, Ben didn’t say this exactly, but I think we can all agree this is what he was thinking.
The producers must have convinced Caila that it was a good idea to see Ben before the Rose Ceremony. Caila said she knew Ben was waking up with these other girls, but she wanted to be who he woke up to for the rest of his life.
Magically, she was provided a car and given the exact location of where Ben was staying. Because that’s a thing. (Sense the sarcasm.) There was super awkward footage of her sneaking about trying to surprise him. Then when she did find him, the surprise was on her. Ben sent her home.
Her speech became even more stinted as she couldn’t find the words. She did finally put some vinegar in her words when she told him, “That sounds like a line,” after he told her it was hard to imagine saying good-bye to her.
She got in the van. Got out of the van. Had more stilted conversation as she tried to get answers. She told him she did love him. They hugged. And she left heartbroken. It was sad. Hey, maybe she’ll meet the love of her life on the airplane home. It’s worked before…Too soon.
JoJo tried to make light conversation with Lauren B. Lauren B. was super anxious and not about it. Caila obviously wasn’t coming to this party. Ben handed out both roses. They all came in for an uncomfortable group hug. Then had champagne. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers. How can we make this moment less uncomfortable? I know! Let’s cheers to something. JoJo toasted first. Then Lauren B. Then Ben. To love! To meeting Ben’s family! To love! To uncomfortable situations where I’ve told both ladies that I love them and I’m hoping they aren’t able to tell. Supes fun.
Best Commentary From My Friends of the Night:
I’m starting a new category. I have funny friends. Their commentary should be documented. First up, Katie. (Disclaimer: She knows I’m putting this up. Disclaimer disclaimer: I told her I was putting up something.)
*Completely unrelated sidenote: I hope you all watched the Oscars and your tiny, adolescent hearts cheered in mini-backflips for Leo finally taking home the Oscar. Just to be nominated. My heart will go on.
Women Tell All is next week, followed by the finale. Women Tell All is like the poop of the season. It’s like the previews in the movie theatre you have to sit through before you get to the good stuff. No one really wants to watch them, but you sit through it anyway, jealous of the ones smart enough to come in late, because that’s what you do for the people you love. I love you. And I love you…
One thing we have learned this season: if you want to go on The Bachelor you need to start your scarf collection NOW. Even Nick’s sister got the memo. Scarves are in.
Who got kicked off: Marcus our aviator man was sent home, which means Josh, Nick, and Chris are headed for Fantasy Suite dates.
Nick – Software Salesman
Nick wanted to show Andi around his hometown where he grew up. He took her to the Lakefront Brewery, and did a little polka dancing. Nick has a very large family. They each had their own photo framed on the wall. They took up two walls. I liked Andi’s talk with one of his many sisters. Nick’s sister asked if he could “unapologetically” be himself around her. She was looking out for her baby brother, because apparently Nick has been engaged before and experienced heartbreak. Nick admitted to his mom he was falling in love with Andi and that he thinks he’s Andi’s favorite. Andi also talked to Bella, Nick’s youngest sister (maybe 10-years-old?). In any case Andi told Bella she loved the mental connection she had with Nick and Bella tried unsuccessfully to pass that information on to Nick. Bella did tell Nick that Andi said she loved him or liked him, which I’m pretty sure Andi just said she thought Nick was amazing, so don’t trust your 10-year-old spy to get valuable inside intelligence. It just doesn’t pan out.
Andi explored the farmland of Iowa with Farmer Chris. Farmer Chris took her on a tractor ride where Andi got a first row seat to plowing the field. She sat on his lap and drove the tractor. While they were sitting in the fields a plane flew by with a banner that read: “Chris loves Andi.” Chris’ mom talked to Andi about her personal experience of going from the city life to the farm life and it put Andi’s mind at ease. Despite what the previews would have you believe, Farmer Chris does not think Andi would be a housewife. Rather he suggested that she could look for work within law in Arlington. The fam and Andi played Sardines (which if you’ve never played this growing up you should definitely gather all of your grown friends and force them into merriment because it is one of my favorite games. It’s like hide-and-go-seek, but better). Farmer Chris went to hide. Andi found him first. What a shocker. Must be difficult to find a man lit up like Christmas by television cameras. They shared in a passionate kiss until Farmer Chris’ fam broke up the party.
Cute Quote of the Night goes to Chris. When he said good-bye to Andi and she hopped into the SUV, he poked his head inside and gave instructions to the driver: “So driver, when you leave, then turn around and come back. Got it?”
josh – Former Pro Baseball Player
Josh took Andi to play a little game of baseball before taking her home to meet his family. Josh said he hadn’t been on the field in 7 years. He told Andi he stopped playing ball because he realized what was important in life. Josh’s family is big on sports. Josh’s younger brother, Aaron, was getting ready to be drafted by the NFL, so naturally that took up a lot of dinner conversation. After dinner, Andi chatted with each of the different family members. Almost everyone brought up the idea of compromise, of making time to watch Aaron’s football games even if Andi and Josh started a life of their own. They’re a close family and like to spend time together. Josh’s mom told Andi that she could tell Josh was in love with Andi. I’m sure it was the reassurance Andi needed. Fun/weird fact: Josh’s mom looks surprisingly like Andi in 30 years. At the end of the date they all played football in the backyard.
Marcus – Aviator man
Dark horse Marcus, who hasn’t said two words all season, prefaced Andi’s date with “We’re going to spend a day in my life.” Then he proceeded to strip. It was awesome for the shock value alone. He recreated their first date, which involved him performing a solo strip tease in an aviator costume. This time Andi had a private show. After that Andi met his family. There are just so many things wrong with all of what I just wrote, but we’re going to press on. Marcus’ family was welcoming. It seemed to go well. Sometimes I tune out when Marcus comes on screen and they may have happened with his family. He told Andi he loved her.
Bonus Commentary: The best part about this episode was that as I was watching we had storm warnings here on the East Coast pop up on the screen, and bursts of beep, beep, beep would happen. It always seemed to happen right when Andi was being introduced to the men’s families, which was awesome. Are they cursing? Are they not? Which one of Nick’s bajillion sisters just swore? Or was that Andi? It was just like Jimmy Kimmel’s Unnecessary Censorship bits. Really spiced things up.
Before the Rose Ceremony
Before the rose ceremony, things took a somber turn. This was the moment the group found out that Eric Hill had been killed in a paragliding accident. It was incredibly sad. Chris Harrison called everyone together, sat them down, and broke the news. You could feel the raw emotion and gravity of the news weighing heavy on everyone, cast and crew. Marcus took a moment outside. Andi followed. When they returned, the film crew put down their cameras and everyone went around to console each other. The Twittersphere lit up with #livelikeeric.
The rose ceremony took place a short 24 hours following the news. Emotions were still high. As Andi was about to hand out the roses, she began to cry and walked out of the room. She told Chris how she could picture where Eric had stood and it was just all so difficult. After composing herself, Andi made it through the rose ceremony. In what was a surprise turn of events, Marcus was sent home and Farmer Chris was kept around. I had Josh and Nick pegged as the final two, but Chris snuck in there. I guess that’s what I get for calling Marcus the dark horse. I doomed him.
Rough night for Marcus. He lost a friend and his girl in one fell swoop. Andi told him he had done nothing wrong, and that she didn’t want to keep him longer knowing he was in love with her when she just wasn’t quite there. Next week are Fantasy Suite dates.