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I may have to watch this episode twice. I may have already. The bachelors took their clothes off (for charity, of course), because we like to keep it classy here on The Bachelorette. And Andi went on her first one-on-one dates.

Who got kicked off: Carl the firefighter, Craig the one who had a little too much, and Nick S. the pro golfer and robot stripper (Yes, you read that correctly. See below for a follow-up explanation.)

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Screen shot 2014-05-30 at 9.15.24 PMOne-on-One: Explorer Eric received the first one-on-one date. And who wouldn’t want to hang out with Eric all day long? His stories from his travels all over the world are fascinating, he’s witty, and easy on the eyes. They began the date at the beach, playing around building sand castles, doing flips, and flying kites. Then a helicopter arrived to take them to a snowy mountaintop, where they went snowboarding. Andi asked Eric where he got the travel bug from. Eric told her from his dad who hitchhiked around the United States when his dad was doing his masters thesis. As you’ll remember Eric was working toward visiting every country in the world, a feat only accomplished by a few hundred people.

 

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Group Date: Let me preface it with remember this was for charity. I love how ABC somehow justifies lascivious dates with charity. Let’s get naked! For charity. Did we mention it’s for charity? In walk exotic male dancers, and their leader Scott with The Hollywood Men. The group teaches Andi’s men the ways of the trade and shuffles them off into groups: Army men, firemen, and cowboys. Lucky Marcus and Nick S. the pro golfer received solo routines (aviator and robot respectively). The audience was reminded that all of the proceeds went to The Bachelor Gives Back, a foundation through the Bachelor franchise that works with and benefits various charities.*

Poor Carl. He was cast as a fireman and he is a fireman in real life. When asked how that was going to play out at the firestation, he responded, “I’m sure there’ll be pictures on the refrigerator for [pause] a long time.” Looks like he’ll find out sooner rather than later as he’s headed back home this week.

Quote of the Night: Quote of the night goes to Brian in regards to the strip tease date:

Mom, I am absolutely going to church tomorrow. I swear to you. Right hand up. I’m there early.

Brian is a teacher and pretty hilarious.

After the date, the group had a nice evening celebrating and drinking…

Craig! The token drunk. I’ve been waiting for you. It’s never a complete season without that one contestant that has a little too many glasses of champagne and jumps in the pool. Craig, thank you for completing this season. On his drunky one-on-one time with Andi, Andi lets Craig ask her any question he wants. Want to know what his go-to was? “What’s the worst thing about your parents?” Really, Craig? That’s the question you go for? You get one question. (You had one job!) And then Craig sinks. He jumps in the pool and it’s just a sinking ship. I will say he tried to redeem himself later at the cocktail party before the rose ceremony with a guitar serenade, apologizing for his behavior. However, it was too late. The damage was done. And home he went.

Screen shot 2014-05-30 at 10.13.14 PMOne-on-One: Farmer Chris got the second one-on-one of the season. Andi took him to the race track, where they donned 1940’s apparel, sipped on mint juleps, bet on some horses, and met an older couple who had been together for 55 years.

At dinner Chris assured Andi, “I’m here for the right reasons.” Drink! Thank you farmer Chris for keeping my glass low. The date ended with a private concert from This Wild Life. The lyrics of the song playing in the background were, “Am I meant to be alone.” Woof. Foreboding, anyone?

Don’t miss out. The first episode of this week happens on Sunday night 8|7c. More wine for all. ABC is splitting it into a 2 night affair. So 2 nights. 2 episodes. Sunday at 8|7c and Monday at 8|7c. My favorite teaser for the upcoming episode is when the crew is attempting to sing with Boyz II Men, and one of the Boyz II Men’s responses to an off-key bachelor was, “Oh sh*t, no.” I can’t wait.

Alright, time to weigh in, Bachelor Fans? Who is your favorite?

*I realized I hadn’t gotten a good pic of the group date for y’all. I had been a little…distracted. So I awkwardly went back and took that screen capture in a Starbucks, with the clip playing on my laptop, with the surrounding community and coffee-goers looking on. The things I do for you.

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