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Watering holes, nudity and a farewell to Ashley S., zombie hunter and non-sequitur extraordinaire. It’s the tent episode! (In honor of Ashley S. don’t forget to play Drunk or Legit Crazy.)

Who got kicked off: And tonight we say farewell to our most entertaining bachelorette. Ashley S. was finally sent home. As was Jillian, Juelia, and Nikki.

Bachelor-Board_Chrisweek4

 

Group Date: Kaitlyn, Ashley S, Ashley I, Megan, Mackenzie, Kelsey

The date card read: “Let’s do what feels natural.”

Obviously you know what that means…more bikinis! The group took a road trip to a lake with tanning chairs. That’s it. They just hung out by a lake. Jasmine (Ashley I.) took her top off. Kaitlyn took her bottoms off. And Kelsey was not about that. I know people are gonna hate because I’m not rolling with the punches, but I’m with Kelsey on this one. This girl was not made for camping. And just as Kelsey’s having the most miserable time of her life, she gets to find out that it will continue through the night! Pitch a tent and get comfortable, we’re going camping. Poor girl.

Quote of the Night:

“I’m a camping virgin and I’m also a virgin camping.” – Well played, Princess Jasmine.

One-on-One:

This one-on-one had a twist. Chris’ three sisters stopped by the mansion to vet their possible sister-in-laws. They basically had one-on-one interviews with each of the girls who weren’t on the group date camping out by the lake. So pretty much a lose-lose all around. You either got to rough it at a watering hole, or get grilled by, not one, but THREE sister-in-laws. I don’t know about you, but those sound like a ton of fun. Turns out Jade made the best first impression. She let the sisters know she launched her own organic make-up company (free shameless plug!) and that she “modeled for clothing for awhile.” …and did playboy bunny. Did you forget to mention that part, Jade?

Meanwhile, back at the lake, the girls are playing red rover in their bathing suits with Chris. And you thought it couldn’t get worse.

Jade’s date consisted of an entire free plug for the new Cinderella movie (which looks amazing btw, sans caterpillar eyebrows on practically all of the characters). Jade had a fairy godmother come in to help her pick out a gown appropriate for a ball, along with obnoxiously big diamond jewelry and fancy shoes.

Meanwhile back at the lake, Kaitlyn got the rose and promptly announced “And I’m drunk,” and Jasmine got it on in the tent with Chris. She told him she’s inexperienced and alluded to the fact she is a virgin but didn’t say it outright.

On Jade’s date, she revealed to Chris she had been engaged when she was 21. She had met her ex-fiance in her home town of Nebraska. Jade and Chris bonded over the fact Chris had also been previously engaged. He gave her a rose.

Group Date: For this date, they set up a mud run type obstacle course. Chris, the chivalrous man that he is, announced to the producers, “I stayed behind to help with anyone who needed it. Those dresses were hard to maneuver in.” …as he’s ripping the dress off of one of the ladies. Mmmhmm, so helpful.

This date was designed for Jillian. She won by a mile. She was probably so anxious to get out and run seeing as she hasn’t lifted in a month (aside from small children, tables, and the other ladies in the house). As part of her winnings, she went on a one-on-one date with Chris. Chris sent her home. Is there a rule that you have to pick up the rose on the table, just to be like, “Psyche! Not today! Better luck next time?” Because Chris picked up the rose and then told Jillian he wasn’t going to give it to her. Then awkwardly put it back on the table. Oof.

Cocktail Party:

Shocker. Megan couldn’t name all 5 senses. After blindfolding Chris to do some weird taste test thing, she couldn’t even name all of the senses it was supposed to heighten. I just. Megan.

Double shocker. Jasmine (Ashley I.) is real hung up on letting Chris know she’s a virgin. He said he respected it. She broke down for some reason anyway, blurted it out to all the girls in the house because apparently this is something that is a really big deal. And then we got to find out Becca (from San Diego!) was also a virgin.

Carly in response to finding out Ashley I. was a virgin: “…which shocked me because I’ve seen her kiss Chris like 13,000 times.”

Triple shocker. Frontrunner Britt ruined a good thing and broke the cardinal rule of NOT talking about other girls on the date. She gave Chris a sit-down and asked why he was giving roses to certain people. Every season! we learn don’t talk about the other ladies! And better yet, don’t reprimand the guy you’re trying to date.

And then the saddest moment of all happened when Ashley S. was finally let go. I have to say I enjoyed trying to decipher her conversations and what all was happening in that head of hers. I will say her zombie fighting skills were unmatched by any other.

Final Quote of the Night: “I feel nothing. I’m actually not upset at all. I have no feelings.” – Ashley S.

Next week on The Bachelor, 11 ladies are headed to Sante Fe with our farmer in waiting, and maybe we’ll finally get to figure out who the heck Samantha is. Until then, Bachelor fans, I leave you with this.

And this.

Tweets of the Night:

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